The art of seeing with my heart. A place where endless possibilities reside.

It's the day of gratitude once again but I have to be honest and say I try as best as I can to live everyday in gratitude. As soon as I open my eyes I thank God for another day and continue to be thankful through out the day. So much Paco loves to mock me publicly on my fb about it. Ah childhood friends. ;-) If I listed all I'm grateful for this blog would never end. What is most present today is being grateful for the capacity to see with my heart. A place where endless possibilities reside. It's not easy to put into words but it is easy to follow my heART. The older I get, thirty-six gratitude filled years next week, the less I know and that is why seeing with my heart works for me. A year ago today I was on cloud nine. I had been given a thirty day notice to vacate my apartment but the day before Thanksgiving and two days after that notice I was hired as an actor for a six day San Francisco/Lake Tahoe Honda commercial shoot. The day before heading off and my birthday, November 29, I would be at my friend Jason's closing concert of his tour. The night before the show and the eve of my 35th my agent called that Honda had changed their mind and let me go. Although they had made it sound like the spot was dropped to ease the pain I would find out from my commercial husband, Kirk, that they did indeed shoot it. I had been replaced. Luckily for me they had to pay me one day as they had booked me. So there I was in the midst of sixteen years worth of belongings being packed, unemployed and without a home. Two weeks earlier I had opted not to extend the option on my production of two years, Bearing Fruit, so that was gone as well. I packed up as I had to be out by December 21. I gave away so much stuff and had like three or four yard sales. It was quite cleansing to let so much go. Especially after what the passing of Neil and my birth father taught me. While I did all the letting go I could feel in my heart that all was in my best interest so because of that ability I could see the beauty in everyday. Sure I cried a lot but I also had a blast at Jason's show. Especially when he sang happy birthday and said that lots of people had birthdays that day and went on to shout out his friend Adri. ;-) It was moments like that where I could feel the beauty through my heart. For every time my heart broke a crack was created that allowed the light to shine in and on. A light like Danielle and Cienna sitting with me on the living room floor. Something Pamela did too. Friends would just come by and shed light and I left my Christmas tree up till the end. Refusing to let all of it take my Christmas away. Through friends aka my LA family my heart shun so brightly. There are no words that could ever do justice to how grateful I am for their couches, guest bedrooms, home cooked meals etc. while I searched for a new home. In my heart I always knew today was coming so when LA no longer felt like home and all I could feel was the loss of Neil, my dad, my home of eleven years, my work etc. I decided to let go of the weight of it all or I knew I would be dragged. I packed my car, put the loveliest of ladies, Areli, in the passenger seat, let the movers take what few belongings I chose to keep and drove from LA to Austin. Today I woke to my first Thanksgiving here. My family in Monterrey has their kids in bilingual schools so they abide by our Holidays. They are here! I drove to San Antonio first thing this morning to be with them. I can't recall the last time I was here for what we call "el dia de gracias." Today I have so much to be grateful for but looking back to a year ago today I am grateful I trusted that my heart could see beyond what was unfolding. That I followed it. That I will hear my nephews laughter soon. That I will sit across from Veronica, my sister who always encourages me and never values me by my circumstances, and smile grateful that thanks to people like her I made it through. That next week the day before I step on a set again and my first retro production for a film competition I will turn 36. I am grateful my elementary school friend Desiree moved here in August and has been lighting my path towards the Road trip I'm about to take. I'm grateful my mom and I have been given the opportunity to strengthen our bond and discover each other as adults. I'm grateful for he who believed what I could be and do back at that small theater at the complex where he stood and awaited me outside later imploring me to go on, saying he awaited great things from me. I am grateful for he who saw the light/love in my eyes but let me go so I could be led here. Home. Every detour has led me to exactly where I was meant to be. Nothing is in vain and was/is as it should be. Most of all I am most humbled and grateful for the most unseen element in my life, which my heart constantly feels and I see in this realm through the timely signs. To you God I say thank you for always trusting me with so much and making me more than I ever imagine I can be. Beyond grateful for your trust in me!!! I am settled. I am home. I am grateful! To new beginnings and following my heART! May you have a gratitude filled LIFE! "Hold on, to me as we go. As we roll down this unfamiliar road and although this wave is stringing us along just know you’re not alone cause I’m going to make this place your home. Settle down, it'll all be clear.Don't pay no mind to the demons. They fill you with fear. The trouble it might drag you down. If you get lost, you can always be found." Open your heart and you'll be amazed what your eyes will see.