Dearest Destiny I thank you!

Dearest Destiny,

I come to you filled with gratitude and inspiration. It has been quite the week as you well know and quite frankly quite the life. There always seems to be some sort of challenge that shows itself at the most unwanted time with the best of intentions. Best of intentions you ask? Well it's doing exactly what I asked of life and providing me with situations that give me the opportunity to grow in patience, faith, strength, courage among many other things, which I pray for while I stand at the top of Runyon witnessing the beauty that is my idea of God through nature.

Tonight destiny led me to a destination that filled me with inspiration when I needed it most. I love my industry for its ability to connect us to each other and make us feel less alone. Whether it be through a song whose lyrics you could have written as it seems like a page from your personal journal or a film that showcases in two hours all you have lived in four years or should I say all I have lived, my industry truly allows you the gift of feeling less alone and understood. I say destiny brought me there tonight because when my friend said she couldn't go to the screening tonight I thought maybe I wouldn't and while I lay around debating something told me just go. While I sat in the theater it became quite clear why I had clearly heard just go. Those little nudges can sometimes lead us to our destiny if we allow them to. It can be something as simple as tonight or as big as listening to myself when I heard just do it as I contemplated nominating myself for the GLAMOUR Toyota Award telling myself that nominating myself was too egotistical. Thank God I listened to that nudge. ;-)

Tonight as I watched the film I experienced so many emotions which I feel is what a good film should produce in us. Inspire us while connecting us to it and triggering flashbacks you thought were in a land so distant it might have been another lifetime. I've finally come to understand that I can't forget a certain situation which I was reminded of by this movie because the other party involved really hurt me. Me, the woman who believed herself untouched by the uninvited lashing of a once thought ally, was reminded by this film and my friend Mary Queen that I had been deeply hurt by someone I cared for deeply and until I could admit that the past would remain present. As I watched I realized destiny brought me there tonight to show me things I needed to see and accept things I never dared to.

When someone burned me with their words so harshly hoping that I would turn into ashes and disappear into thin air based on a situation we both created but they believed I was solely at fault for I decided to not only be immune to being lit and becoming ashes but I turned off the part of me that would allow me to be hurt by their words and to go on to heal. For years I told myself it didn't matter only to realize tonight how much hurt one person's words had brought my now heavy heart and how heavy of a burden pretending to be okay had become. I had always believed them to be my destiny they had always believed me to their chance encounter. They lied to me and others repeatedly and in the end I paid the price for their lies. At least that is what it would seem to them as I was to receive a second lashing of words a year after the first. I don't believe I truly paid for their mistakes because as you do so shall be done to you. While you may impose your free will on others to justify your choices sooner or later karma arrives. Tonight I saw my truth quite clearly, I had my destiny to fulfill and they had theirs and with each other in our lives we would have not lived what we have lived apart. This is solely my truth inspired by one amazing movie that makes you question everything in the course of two hours.

Is it fate, chance, or free will? Is there really a God or are we just here for no reason with no true guidance. If you've read my blogs you know where I stand on that one. These beautiful words of Christina Rossetti sum up my beliefs so well, "Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and no one to thank." I also believe in the beauty of free will. The will to face ourselves and our mistakes and become better by learning from them or the free will to avoid growth and our destiny by faulting others for our choices. I choose to take full responsibility for every choice I make and thank God for the free will which allows me to create my destiny. Dearest former ally I forgive you and I hope you can forgive yourself because I believe that when you do you will stop making me someone I am not, your enemy.

Below is the trailer for the film, which inspired me to admit the truth to myself and, which I hope you see when it comes out. May your free will allow you to make choices that let your faith meet your fate.