This young man once upon a time used to hold my hand and I would take him to get hot chocolate and skateboard in the neighborhood. He was eleven and I was nineteen. While he has an amazing mom I felt very protective of him like a mom would. Always making sure he wouldn't hurt himself or others. I could have never imagined that one day he would make a living at skateboarding professionally or that I would ask him to teach me how. Once upon a time I got on a skateboard and fell right off as it took off without me. I vowed never to get on one again. Same thing happened with skiing. I fell. Pretty hard. My brother played the ski right by me tough love game and yelled at me to get up. Needless to say I got up, made it down, and never skied again. That is why yesterday's lesson will remain with me forever in the best of ways.
I fell and I fell hard. The kind of falling that scares you and others. So much so that my teacher, PRod (as he goes by now), thought I wouldn't continue. However this time when I fell not only had I already fallen a lot in a lot of ways in the last year, my teacher got me back up with love. I laid there until I felt like I could move. Once I did I slowly got up and got back on the board. To be honest I kinda don't want to watch the playback of the fall. If it looks like how it felt it wasn't pretty. I am blessed to say the least. It has been years since I had fallen skiing and years since any sort of fear has paralyzed me and kept me from moving forward. So as everyone patiently waited I made my way back on the board and kept going at it for two more hours. I fell, got back up, rested, got frustrated, fell again, ran from the board as it chased me (which looks as funny as it sounds) and in the end I mastered the tricks Paulie, as I have called him since he was a kid, taught me.
It took effort and in the end I smelled of my conquered fear as I informed Paulie as he went to hug me for my accomplishments. He told me that after the fall, which took place right away, he didn't think I'd get back on the board and that I had done more than he expected. You are talking about someone who rode a skateboard for the first time in her life not only at thirty-five but a professional's skate park. Ramps and all. How far did I go and just what did I accomplish? Well for that you will have to see "And She Danced, Life after loss." I will tell you this, the entire experience was a metaphor for my life and especially my past year.
As Paulie told me "skateboarding is all about allowing your body to guide you not your mind", just as it is in dancing. If you get ahead of the tempo you will leave the board behind like I did or you will force yourself to lead instead of allowing your teacher to do so. Valuable lessons I have learned first hand. I did master the art of falling gracefully. I would have taught Paulie that but he would have needed to go backwards in his training. ;-) This is the same guidance I must listen to when it comes to life. Yes I will fall but if my heart is open to what my intuition is saying to me in the soft whispers that are stronger than the loud sounds of the negative committee (False Evidence Appearing Real) I will surely stand once again on time, God's time, armed with enough faith to feel the fear and do it anyway. I did it and I lived to tell about it. GRATEFUL I conquered the fear of falling! In that fall came the biggest lesson of all, standing is a choice I can make if I can truly trust beyond what I can see.
I chose not to see his work before skating with him, although his mom and dad have told me about it, as to not scare myself more. After I road with him and saw his videos tonight I can honestly say skateboarding is an art! I have so much respect for anyone who can just get on the board and stay on it. For me it was mostly about balance. Just like in my life. Please do not skate without protective gear. It saved my life. Enjoy PRod's amazing work!
The falls. ;-) "It's the experience paid by all the mistakes. It's the heart to get up and try again."
As for me I will keep going beyond the fear through the unknown and into the i'mpossible! I will keep dancing to the rhythm God and the universe provide me with in their beautiful piece written just for me, falls and all.
It's worth repeating that "what doesn't KILL you makes you STRONGER!"
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