Being present in a mid life realization.

In 2008 I started making a plan to move to Austin. I had come three times that year to visit. I fell in love more and more each visit. It is known for being weird yet I consider it a unique town with the ability to possess a growing entertainment industry but not a growing overload of billboards telling you who to be, what to watch and basically pushing you into their idea of you. On the contrary this city possesses the ability to support individuality in many art forms from music to dance to theatre and of course film.  My plan began in the pages of my journal in 2008 as I sat at Flipnotics contemplating the loss of a relationship and the gaining of self love. At the time my boyfriend broke up with stating reasons that were all I loved about myself therefore leading me down a path of self love. Something that till this day I thank him for. A path which led to coming to Austin and sitting in the corner of my sister's apartment starring out the window at trees while reading "The Witch of Portobello" followed by taking my journal and walking to Flipnotics down the street. In case you don't frequent my blog the journey of reading that novel led to me adapting it, producing a short film I starred in based on it and premiering it at the Rome Film Festival. Proving to me that every detour has a purpose no matter how dark the road en route. So when 2011 kept constantly detouring me I knew God and the universe were up to something magical that wouldn't necessarily top all I had lived but would continue to help me grow in faith and in awe of what is born of being able to navigate the darkness. A darkness that came as quick as it left. Just as I would feel the sunlight on my face again lighting the way it would disappear. First Neil transitioned, then my father, then my agency dropped me (this had a fast resolve as I signed with CESD shortly after but was about the only detour whose destination came quickly), then I walked away from my film's extended option terms loosing two years of work but gaining an obscene amount of knowledge, colleagues and support because of those two years, which was followed by loosing my apartment and then getting hired and let go from a Honda commercial all in one week because the client changed their mind after one audition and two callbacks. I was let go the eve of my 35th birthday. Happy birthday to me! Time would prove it to be, minus sarcasm, the greatest birthday gift. You see the thing for me is that when I set a plan in motion aka journal it God and the universe set the wheels in motion and start preparing me for its arrival. What rarely happens is arrival on my time but what always happens with the arrival of God's time is a revelation of magic beyond sight and my faith growing in a way words can't capture nor would do it justice. At my new beginning party in Los Angeles the month I decided to pack up and head to Austin the words mid life crisis came up to describe what I was growing through and being detoured to. It got me thinking and while I am not a fan of labels of any sort, otherwise according to some I am too much of a girlie girl to think they way I do and I should look more like a hippie and do drugs to explain my belief in the unseen, this particular label on my circumstances made me realize that I was able to take the leap of faith, pack up and leave because I had stayed present in a mid life realization. Often confused with a crisis. This was not a crisis! To me a crisis seems like there is no solution or it's too overwhelming to move forward because you are in crisis mode. Sure someways had me laying in bed but most days had me encouraging myself to move through the darkness trying to understand the signs listening to my God instinct so I could read my God compass and follow its direction. As it turns out all 2011 detours were leading to the 2008 dream, Austin. So here I am LIVING the dream four years after my journal received acknowledgement of its desire. Was the road here what I envisioned? Not at all! But guess what, the destination just like NY and Glamour, Rome and the red carpet is quite stunning. People are so kind, willing to open their hearts to me and not even twenty four hours after my road trip here I had my first free lance production job as part of the production team launching the H2O Univision bilingual music festival in Dallas in a few weeks. And Adriana Garza Productions not only has a documentary in post but a project in development already whose introduction into my life could have not been more timely and could have only happened here. Proving once again that God is in the details. So I leave you with these thoughts as my new beginning commences. Sometimes life is guiding somewhere more magical than you can dream. Our mind can only conjure up so much, which is why I go beyond the unseen often. Yes the journey there may get dark but would I appreciate the light and its value without knowing the complete opposite? Highly unlikely. This isn't a mid life crisis be that thirty five is no where near mid life. To me this is a life changing realization. A realization that no matter where I am I can be and do what I love. That no particular city holds the key to my success that key is safely guarded in my heart, soul and found with my God instinct. Turns out LA was giving birth to Austin and for having my heart open so I could see the signs that led me here I am grateful! I am about to break all the rules on how my industry works. Rules we've been sold for decades now. I know this is why God wanted me here. We are all pioneers, some of us just step up when the calling comes to be the change we are guided to be. Hope you stay for the ride! One thing is for sure, my shadow days are over! Goodbye 2011 hello 2012!!! The year of life changing, faith growing, awe struck miracles I can only give birth to by staying out of my own shadow.