God and the universe this $150 dance is for you!

Before I give you the wrong idea let me just say I am not declaring to God and the universe that they can have my $150 from my pole dancing. All of our journeys are different and all require respect because none of us walk in the shoes of other therefore can't afford to know why certain decisions are made however this $150 dance is more of a dance of instruction and guidance. Meaning it was directed by God and instructed through signs delivered by the universe. By the time I made it home for Christmas in 2011 I had done as Mr. Rothman requested when he issued me a thirty day notice to vacate by December 21, 2011. Merry Christmas! At this point I had also had a Happy F You bday Adriana from my latest commercial gig as I was let go and replaced since the client changed their mind. The odds of that are one in a million but so are the odds of winning a car. Get my drift? Having had both things happen to me, Yes I've also won a car, (On merit as Damion likes to remind people), I knew where this was leading. I've been aware of the signs and following their guidance long enough to know what was happening. I wasn't thrilled about the all in one year factor but I kept my faith that as much as was being taken all at once so would I receive, as so much space had been cleared. My father and Neil aside. So when Crystal Pouriad at Seattles Best on Ventura Blvd. asked me "if I believed in God?" as I ordered a cup of coffee I knew something was up. When my phone rang as I cried in the shower at my parent's house not asking but begging for mercy and forgiveness as the darkness was preying on my weakness and it was Crystal on the other end, yet again I knew something was unfolding. It all became clear when emails where exchanged by a woman who wishes to remain anonymous. I will call her Cardiff by the Sea because you see when I wanted anonymity to go heal and finish my book I spoke to her about renting her Cardiff by the sea apartment. Sadly she couldn't do just one month but she gave me more than she imagined or perhaps her rental could have. When I explained why I could only do a month she felt the connection and shared her loss. A sister, hit with cancer twice in one year and concluded I had been truly tossed about by the universe. It was then that it all became clear. Two angels had shared similar loss. The news had covered plenty of loss since the economy collapsed. Ondrea had also lost her home of ten years when I lost mine of eleven. People are dying everyday, loss. Concluding that change is the ONLY CONSTANT, and taxes as Avenue Q reminds us , I set out to buy the best camera $150 could afford. In a sense I was fearless because at this point I had nothing to loose! Being able to see my dad someday after twenty-six years of not seeing him, gone. Dream over. Being able to see Neil work his magic on raising precious Millie, being a loving husband and make a digital movie look like film, making it win a 6000 entry international film competition but in a different more brighter way, gone. Dream over! Laying my head in my room, changing in my dressing area, working in my home office, dancing on the couch with Zoey to Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, gone! Dream over as eleven years of memories and 1,200 sq ft. became living our of my car. I saw two years worth of work on my latest production gone overnight because I couldn't agree to extension terms or being bullied. I was called a fraud, liar and many other names all after saying one word, NO. I stand by what I said in defense of myself because yes I have learned how to take care of me and my team. So while this dream ended I had a hand in this dream being over and I would do it again. Most of all I had trust that God knew there was reason to its end and it would reveal itself in time as it has. Loosing my home, commercial and film all in one month was just as it was meant to be. It became apparent in final negotiations of film option, that God shun a light on the darkness to reveal things I had to see. That clarity made it possible to decipher Crystal and Cardiff by the sea as they entered my life. They gave me the courage to do one of the most brave things I have ever done, not give a fuck. Please truly pardon my French Monseuir and Mademoiselle but when the storm hits like it did in my life and you are left in the aftermath like I was, the last thing on my mind was to play by filmmaking rules. $150 bought me the Nikon L105 and life was gifting me the art. I would have to rely on Mother Nature for lighting as well as set decorations. God would do the directing and this time there would be no acting from me. Simply living life on its terms and trusting with all my heart COME WHAT MAY that I was following the signs. Which allowed me to pick up the camera and DP aka be my own director of photography. In simplest terms camera woman for the first time. A camera I handed to whoever was present when possible. While I avoided telling most what I was doing so no one would act for the camera of those that did know some were quick to tell me how I was missing important elements to filmmaking and could not do it without them forgetting there is no amount of heart equipment or film school can gift you greater than what's already in me. All I had to do was summon the courage to reveal my heart and passion. Remembering that the you can't do it usually means I can't so I will tell you can't either and we will live in the world of someday when we can together. A companionship I do not wish to be afforded so I continued channelling God, remembering the words of Cotter after seeing my first production, The Art of Being, "Well done. I implore you to carry on and see where this takes you." Most of all I continued summoning the courage to decipher and follow the signs. I made a conscious decision to dance through the storm instead of waiting for it to pass because I held a deep understanding in my God compass aka gut that this was not just a dance for me. It was for all of us, for humanity. Loss is a part of life that is usually lived in company of the darkness aka lucifer, negative energy etc. but more than anything it is something all of us WILL experience unlike fame and riches, which society has chosen to place high above all and value the most. I danced, literally, for ME and YOU. I left all worries behind trusting that it was up to me to show that yes I lost but that the only true way to loosing overall would be to not get up and dance, to give up on life. Trust me on a lot of days, like when I was living out of my car and my tire popped on the 101, giving up seemed like the obvious but because I didn't I can now hand over to my greatest teacher my homework assignmment. God and the universe, here it is! I hope you are proud but most of all I hope together we can shine a light on loss and healing. I am beyond humbled that you would truust me to such an extent to carry out the assignment. This $150 dance is yours and miracle is ours! Let the magic of the healing begin! Your most humbled daughter, Adri

"And She Danced, Life after loss" Documentary Trailer from Adriana Garza on Vimeo.

P.S. more can be found at www.facebook.com/adrianagarzaproductions
but here's a taste of the journey. Love at first sight. Borrowing words from a friend. I see you! I know you. I am you. I love you! More magic! My vision on my journal dated January 6, 2012 An accidental outcome. We were shooting one of me doing the splitz in the air that day to be the artwork for the doc and during a dance break I handed my Denise, who was photographing, my iphone and spread my wings. I guess God and the universe had another idea for the artwork. Exceeded my expectation like things do when I leave them in their hands. Once we saw what happened I handed it over to Jonathan Sanhueza for his magical touch. So thanks to Steve Jobs, his invention, Jonathan and of course Mother Nature and God and the universe I have the final artwork. The dream from the pages of my journal has come to life. So the dance continues....