Making my way through the unknown. Four years and counting!!

As I left a friend's birthday dinner tonight this song came on the radio.


Its timing was impeccable and the fact that I had grown tired of the rotating cds in my player, yes I actually tire of David Gray, allowed me to be able to hear it as I tuned into the radio which I rarely do. Immediately I was transported to 2006. Four years ago this month exactly I started to make my way through the unknown in complete awareness, which led to me being awarded the Toyota Moving Forward Award as you see here. Sarah Shahi from the L word came to give it to me and GLAMOUR Magazine and Toyota held the ceremony aka split the bill. ;-)

Before my award ceremony in LA GLAMOUR and Toyota flew me to NY to be an honored guest at the GLAMOUR Magazine Women of the Year Awards whose main honoree was Sandra Bullock! My fave! I was so excited when I found out she was there. Here I am posing with some men helping guest as they arrive.

All this led to my play, The Art of Being,
being able to go on tour as people took notice of my work and sponsored. Here is the cast picture that was taken for the tour.


Its truly amazing all the memories that one song can trigger. Its lyrics are what transport me so easily back to the time when I was learning just how powerful I truly am. The words that contributed to my then huge leap of faith. They made me realize that the ending (destination) which was unplanned was so out my control but that what I could control was what I did (journey) to make my dreams become a reality on my terms with my beliefs. Because I was ready to follow my heart in 2006 and write the lyrics to my own song whose melody was written by God, the universe, and their angels I lived extraordinary moments whose birth is only a reality because I learned to make my way through the unknown and navigate the waters its stormy seas sometimes brought or engage in the battle with my angels (friends) and my truth.

The tricky thing about truth is it's subjective. I may only be thirty-three but I have learned quite a few things as I sailed life's uncharted seas or engaged in battles in unknown territory. I've learned that people will go to any length to tell themselves a version of a story based on what truly happened to be able to justify their actions and live with themselves. The more they are in fear the more that story will be farther from your truth. I would like to say "the truth" but we all filter things differently and see the world as we are not as it is so the chances of two stories being the same aren't slim but you would just have to be in the same place emotionally in life as someone else to have it be "the truth". Chances are if you find yourself on the battlefield you aren't in the same place as someone else because they are your opponents.

Opponents try to bring you down, destroy you, and even manipulate you by trying to make their truth yours or the only truth so they can win the battle. Sadly I've faced more of these than I would have liked to. I am truly a person who likes to keep the peace and prefers to discuss things than fight and argue simply for the sake of being right. I can't even recall how many people nor would I want to told me in 2006 that I couldn't do the play, wouldn't win the award, and constantly questioned how I would open and maintain an indie production company. These days that count is down well because after you win an award for your first production ever, go on tour with it, win your favorite author's film competition for your second production, meet him and walk the red carpet with him for the premiere of your film people start to believe in the impossible being possible. What is sad to me about that is people needing to SEE something to believe in it.

That is not who I am anymore. These days I live by one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite men, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen"~ RW Emerson. When you live your life in awareness that walking through the unknown provides more miracles than the certainty of the "known" you have to rely on blind faith. At least I do and these days while people may no longer try to rock my boat as much with their comments of what I can or can not do the unknown still continues to bring me to unexpected shores. Shores I would rather not land on because once I do I know I will have to be ready to engage in battle if it becomes necessary. All this talk may have you wondering if I fight with others. I don't. I really don't. Aside from my family who knows what buttons to push, its my choice to not react, I am rarely engaged these days. However recently my journey and choices have had me face some people on the battlefield I never dreamed I would.

While I may feel like its my responsibility to take care of me all the time sometimes this leader has to call on her army to help her on the battlefield. I have the most amazing friends in the world who always suit up and show up in the most unbelievable of ways. That is when I see God clearly reminding me how much God loves me. The last year or so has been one of the toughest yet most beautiful years of my life. Beautiful because the unknown continues to bring me miracles and dreams that exceed my own and tough because everything comes at a price. Prices I will never pay are my dignity, morals, beliefs, and values. The last year has been rough because some of those people who used to suit and show up for me once upon a time, did it again but this time they faced me on the battlefield as my opponent.

I won't be bullied by anyone and I will not be turned into someone I am not so people can not only buy their version of what is and live with their choices but also try and sell it to others. If there is something I have proven to be true repeatedly is that the truth does set you free. When you have lived with honesty you can rest your head to sleep at night without thoughts keeping you up. While I am beyond sad that some of the people who were once helping me navigate the unknown as part of my army are now opposing me and trying to destroy me I am beyond grateful that God loved me enough to show me their true colors. I am beyond flabbergasted as to who these people truly are. Time had come for me to move on and when I didn't do the moving for myself God did it for me by exposing me to a level of judgment projected on me with words and actions that only a person in hate with themselves would project on another.

However even as my army grows smaller I am grateful for those who remain and continue to cheer me on and want to see me succeed. After all it's not about the quantity but quality of the army. We know hundreds of poisoned soldiers are no good but ten healthy ones are extraordinary. To me the key to success is not only leading an army but knowing when to step down and become part of that army to allow another leader to shine. As these harsh lessons make their way through my life I am looking forward to what is about to be born of faith once more as I continue my journey through the unknown yet again and Bear Fruit, my first feature film. It's a huge undertaking but everything I have lived has led me here. I am ready to create work that has a message and makes people think yet again. I am resting my sword for now and trusting in the process once more but most of all looking forward to watching all the beautiful talented people God is sending my way be each other's teachers and create art that inspires you to follow your heart.

My opponents have taught me that what matters most is not what happens but how I handle what happens. Once again I believe I let every ounce of my being be genuine when it was attacked and remain true to its morals, values, and beliefs trusting that as we do so is done to us. My journey has taught me that some people's ideas of taking care of themselves is taking down another in the process to ensure their own success. All I have to say to those who tried is, if you invite evil in for a cup of tea it will try to stay for dinner but if you invite it to my dinner you better be ready to be escorted out immediately. ;-) I will always continue to do things my way and I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting me, my beliefs and those I love and their beliefs. I will continue to believe in a world where everyone's individuality can create a unique beautiful world where love, goodness, and faith triumph fear, hatred, and competitiveness. God thank you for giving me the courage to make my way through the unknown on my terms without ever purposely hurting anyone. Thank you for giving me the courage to do things with purpose and love and without selling my soul to my grandest opponent even if it meant biting off more than I could chew. Let the record show I took the BLOW(S) and did it MY WAY!!! ;-)

The gifts of raising a teenage girl.

I recently saw the Blind Side for the second time and this time I cried like a baby. Not that I didn't the first time but maybe the fact that I was in a theater made me a little more reserved. This time in the comforts of my home I wept and wept. It's hard to imagine a world where a mom doesn't want their child and that is the reason for all those tears. I don't want to think that any child isn't LOVED as they DESERVE but sadly it's happening. What I take from this movie is that a mom doesn't want their child because she feels their child deserves better than what she is capable of giving. That doesn't make it any easier to see what the child goes through because of the mom's choices. Choice. That is such a powerful word and action. What we choose really shapes us, our lives, and those we decide to share it with.

I am thinking about this a lot these days because as some of you know I am raising a teenage girl purely by choice of my own while she is not my own. As I type that I keep thinking of Sandra Bullock's words when she was promoting the Blind Side. "Just because a child didn't come from you doesn't mean they aren't yours." While I do not intend to ever replace Zoey's mom or her memories of her the truth is that now I am responsible for raising a teenage girl. I volunteered at Big Brother Big Sister never knowing what awaited me and clearly seeing once we were matched that as usual God always has a plan for me quite more grand than the ones I have for myself. God really trusts me! ;-)

She is a smart, beautiful, and full of energy young lady. I am well aware that she is watching EVERY move I make. My choices are now affecting someone else in a way I never expected until I married and shared this duty with someone else. God as usual had other plans. Everything from what I say to others to how I drive is being scrutinized. I am well aware of this and I am also well aware that all I can do is be genuine and be me. I don't hide ANYTHING from her. Not my sadness nor my excitement. I jumped up and down with her when I was going to Rome for my film's premiere and I confessed why I cried in the car as Taylor Swift's White Horse played. The latter prompted her to say to me when we got out of the car, "You need a hug" and proceeded to give me one. She is making me realize that all I want for her is what my mom wanted for all of her seven kids, happiness.

While I want her happiness more than anything I also don't want for one second to take from her journey or make her a copy of me!! I want her to be Zoey O. at her fullest!!!! Who she was born to be, which is why this weekend was so important and a test of that. She hasn't been doing so great in her honors classes so I had to test my ability to be firm and forgo worrying about being liked for her well being. I gave the speeches my mom gave us and to my surprise they were well received. She shows me more and more everyday that children desire guidance even when it seems like they have been left to fend for themselves as part of their life's plan. (her mom passed when she was 8) She was grounded but was allowed to do what we had planned as well. She knew we would spend all of Saturday catching up on all that homework that was never turned in but Friday night we would stick to our plans.

Friday night reminded me of what it is like to thirteen. Memories came rushing back of the young Adriana who hid from Ricky Martin when my mom went to introduce me. I would go on to meet him several times and my sister in law went on to work with him in a soap opera. ;-) Zoey saw Jason Mraz for the first time Friday night and in the process has shown me how little I care about what anyone thinks of me. ;-) Everytime he walked by she would point and say there's Jason. Even to his face and you should have seen her when she sat in the same aisle as him. At the end of the evening I introduced them and silence with a smile is what became of this chatty teenager. He conversed with her and she said nothing! This picture says it all.

It was reminiscent of this day for me. Look at that smile. Look familiar? I grew into the smile.;-)


In a lot of ways she reminds me of me when I was her age and more and more everyday I see God's plan for the both of us. I am officially a package deal. You want me, then you have to know her and the importance of her in my life. The gifts she has given me continue to show themselves everyday. Most of all she has made my gratitude for my mom grow and grow and grow. I have asked God many times for courage, faith, strength, and patience among other things. Spending the weekend with her reminded me of how God doesn't just give you those qualities. God gives you scenarios where those qualities can be born. All I can hope for her is that she is given the courage in our relationship to witness her own BECOMING! I am there to catch her when she falls but she has got to be the one willing to get back up. I want her to always trust she can be all she dreams of and more as my beautiful friend Jen Marie reminded me I could be when she sent me this song.
"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies." — Emily Dickinson