The lessons of leaving.

Swimming against the current is a fine thing in my book considering I hold Thomas Jefferson's words in my heart, "In matters of style swim with the current. In matters of principle stand like a rock." I abide by them except in matters of style I stand like a rock as well rooted in individuality, which allows me to express my art of being girlie. In a phone conversation last night a lot of light was shed on my swimming. A dear friend also left Los Angeles ten years before I did. We discussed the freedom that came with leaving behind the dense energy of the city. Being that we are both born and raised Texas girls the energy combined with our natural energy was a tough combo. It is a BEAUTIFUL city with so much to offer but in my experience rooted in superficiality turning truly talented people into people who question their God given talents and sell their individuality for a chance at stardom. We discussed how I had managed to live my way into my late twenties letting go of the tight grip the city's rules/energy had once held on this growing twenty something. How I had learned to swim against the current not fearing but embracing going in the opposite direction. Something I loved to do but, which 2011 proved to be a difficult task as that year I did not swim against the current, I swam against high tides desperately coming up for air whenever I could. What I learned was that sometimes life will take everything from you to get your attention. I thought I had let go, surrendered and was open to the possibilities. That wasn't the case. At least not to the level God and the universe needed me to be or life as I knew it would not had been stripped from me little by little and enough to get my attention. I embraced each detour as it came remaining hopeful that magic was on its way yet again learning that the arrival of it is on God's time. As I get ready to celebrate my mom's Suprise 70th birthday party, which she thinks is my sister's engagement party, I smile because I could have never imagined this. That I'd be here with all my siblings celebrating her. I am stubborn so I refused to leave LA as a bitter divorcee without a settlement, my residuals. But after my Microsoft avail n(being on hold for commercial) did not turn into a booking and two intense weeks followed it I could see clearly what God wanted from me. I guess the Texas plates I saw all over LA where a sign too. ;-) So here I am in Austin living a simple life. A life rooted in individuality in a city that encourages not only that but for you to help keep it weird. I knew I wanted to end up here someday but I never dreamt so soon or under the circumstances, which I came here. Ones you'll see soon as my documentary's trailer is finished and will be up online soon. And ones I wouldn't wish upon anyone and yet I am grateful for them as they were just what I needed in order to get it. Sometimes life will give more than we think we can handle yet I think Mother Teresa said it best, "I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle I just wish he didn't trust me so much." For me it's I wish it didn't trust me so much as I think assigning this mysterious powerful source in the vast unknown of the universe would limit my thinking. ;-) So in leaving LA so many lessons came as you will soon see for yourself soon but most of all yet again a bond grew. The bond with God, the universe and all the magic of the unseen grew as I drove past Arizona, New Mexico and breathed my way into Texas. Breaths that became effortless! In leaving I learned that swimming against the current and knowing how to can definitely come in handy but swimming in high tides, barely breathing and hoping not to drown can truly affect your health. I've learned that in being able to barely breathe I found appreciation for my breath, its importance and what matters most is what I think of me not what others think of me or my circumstances. In leaving I learned that letting go is the path to magic only God and the universe will provide, once again, on their time. After all for me magic just like pain is a choice that can be-li(e)ved in over and over again. The choice to surrender and follow the signs is yours! I'll try to remember as best as I can that " Life is a journey not a destination, there are no mistakes, just chances we take." I took a chance on leaving!

The gifts of humility.

I have been fortunate enough to have lived the kind of life whose experiences have allowed me to see both ends of the spectrum. I have lived in the huge three story home growing up and I lived in the trailer home growing up. I have friends who bus dishes for a living and friends who never have to pick up their own dishes. I have been surrounded by people whose fame effects their life the bare minimum and people who would feel they were worth nothing without fame. I myself have set up the cords, taped them down on stages and learned to run sound and lighting boards so that my play, The Art of Being, could reach audiences. I have catered for the cast, carried all our product and props for the play from El Paso to Chicago to San Antonio and back to Los Angeles. Due to my willingness to not be the label of the job and just do it I have also sat at Carnegie Hall in NYC with Sandra Bullock, David Bowie, Iman, Barbara Walters and Catherine Zeta Jones present as the President of GLAMOUR Magazine announced to everyone that evening at the Women of the Year Awards that this little girl from El Paso was the winner of the Toyota Moving Forward Award. After I returned to the task of no job is too big or too small and produced my first short film which led to the Rome Film Festival. Then I continued on to Bear Fruit wearing all hats once again and that journey led to my move to Austin and my continued growth. It's detour path has as usual led me to a life better than I dreamt or was living. Between you and me that coarse gray hair that stood up on head and made me look like alfafa has not resurfaced since my move to Austin. So following the signs is also helping my health. In my industry in front and behind the camera the ratio of jobs to people seeking them is small so I must remain open at all times to putting that gaffer tape down and open to those experiences leading to the magic only humility can bring. In being able to be both the actor portraying the character or the producer, crew etc. I am afforded the ability to not only learn birth the gifts of humility. I often have people say to me that I am lucky because of some of my accomplishments or people I know etc. and while I may just smile I do not believe in luck. To me if there is such a thing I make it by being able to follow the path the signs lead me on, having an open heart and being humble about what God and the universe ask of me in order to grow in this existence. One of the greatest gifts ever came from my first production and having to wear all and I mean all hats. Ask anyone who knew me then just how thin I got and tired I was from lack of sleep. After that I experience I walked onto every million dollar set with a new found appreciation for every person there having done their job on my extremely low budget productions, which allowed to truly understand the importance of team work. This weekend I was part of the production team that Univision brought together to be able to give birth to the bilingual music festival H2O. It was a experience that I have no doubt all my past experiences allowed me to not only endure but to face with absolute humility choosing to see yet again that no job is too small or too big. If a runner wasn't around to help I had no problem carrying crates, poles etc. all so that the people paying their savings, weekly paycheck etc. could get what they came for. In my view a day of music they found solace in which they were willing to spend their hard earned money on. I was getting paid well so there was no reason for me to not do my job and then some. I chose to be a part of that extraordinary team because of what I saw the event did. It brought all those artists together to feed people's souls through their music and afford them solace and to unite humanity through one the most beautiful artforms, music. Not everyone there shared my view on humility and while it broke my heart I understand that we are all on different journies with different lessons to be learned. As for me my view has given me the privilege to be part of the team that brings H2O to Los Angeles, which made me realize even more how blessed I am as my dream of being based in Austin and travel for work has become my reality. While my career in production grows beyond indie I will always hold true to my roots and the gifts it gave me. Always finding a way to put out into the world, passion and love. So don't worry my documentary will see the light of day. As a matter of fact by July latest the trailer for, "And She Danced, life after loss", will hit the internet. For now and as usual I am truly humbled by God and the universe's magic and their willingness to continue to trust me as I do them. May the unseen guide your heart to your passion and along the way may you find yourself in the eyes of another as you humbly walk this existence knowing we all come from the same place and will go to the same place when we wake up. Whatever this dream is truly about, this man made social ladder will not define it for me and therefore I intend to LIVE all kinds of experiences. See you on the path, as a good friend once told me. May humility allow me to see myself in your eyes and may we see the gifts of our paths crossing! May we grow in LOVE together for a beautiful TODAY! To all the extraordinary hundreds of people who made H2O possible, I bow to you! And everyone working hard for a better today. To everyone I met I am honored to know you. See you in LA!