Making my way through the unknown. Four years and counting!!

As I left a friend's birthday dinner tonight this song came on the radio.


Its timing was impeccable and the fact that I had grown tired of the rotating cds in my player, yes I actually tire of David Gray, allowed me to be able to hear it as I tuned into the radio which I rarely do. Immediately I was transported to 2006. Four years ago this month exactly I started to make my way through the unknown in complete awareness, which led to me being awarded the Toyota Moving Forward Award as you see here. Sarah Shahi from the L word came to give it to me and GLAMOUR Magazine and Toyota held the ceremony aka split the bill. ;-)

Before my award ceremony in LA GLAMOUR and Toyota flew me to NY to be an honored guest at the GLAMOUR Magazine Women of the Year Awards whose main honoree was Sandra Bullock! My fave! I was so excited when I found out she was there. Here I am posing with some men helping guest as they arrive.

All this led to my play, The Art of Being,
being able to go on tour as people took notice of my work and sponsored. Here is the cast picture that was taken for the tour.


Its truly amazing all the memories that one song can trigger. Its lyrics are what transport me so easily back to the time when I was learning just how powerful I truly am. The words that contributed to my then huge leap of faith. They made me realize that the ending (destination) which was unplanned was so out my control but that what I could control was what I did (journey) to make my dreams become a reality on my terms with my beliefs. Because I was ready to follow my heart in 2006 and write the lyrics to my own song whose melody was written by God, the universe, and their angels I lived extraordinary moments whose birth is only a reality because I learned to make my way through the unknown and navigate the waters its stormy seas sometimes brought or engage in the battle with my angels (friends) and my truth.

The tricky thing about truth is it's subjective. I may only be thirty-three but I have learned quite a few things as I sailed life's uncharted seas or engaged in battles in unknown territory. I've learned that people will go to any length to tell themselves a version of a story based on what truly happened to be able to justify their actions and live with themselves. The more they are in fear the more that story will be farther from your truth. I would like to say "the truth" but we all filter things differently and see the world as we are not as it is so the chances of two stories being the same aren't slim but you would just have to be in the same place emotionally in life as someone else to have it be "the truth". Chances are if you find yourself on the battlefield you aren't in the same place as someone else because they are your opponents.

Opponents try to bring you down, destroy you, and even manipulate you by trying to make their truth yours or the only truth so they can win the battle. Sadly I've faced more of these than I would have liked to. I am truly a person who likes to keep the peace and prefers to discuss things than fight and argue simply for the sake of being right. I can't even recall how many people nor would I want to told me in 2006 that I couldn't do the play, wouldn't win the award, and constantly questioned how I would open and maintain an indie production company. These days that count is down well because after you win an award for your first production ever, go on tour with it, win your favorite author's film competition for your second production, meet him and walk the red carpet with him for the premiere of your film people start to believe in the impossible being possible. What is sad to me about that is people needing to SEE something to believe in it.

That is not who I am anymore. These days I live by one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite men, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen"~ RW Emerson. When you live your life in awareness that walking through the unknown provides more miracles than the certainty of the "known" you have to rely on blind faith. At least I do and these days while people may no longer try to rock my boat as much with their comments of what I can or can not do the unknown still continues to bring me to unexpected shores. Shores I would rather not land on because once I do I know I will have to be ready to engage in battle if it becomes necessary. All this talk may have you wondering if I fight with others. I don't. I really don't. Aside from my family who knows what buttons to push, its my choice to not react, I am rarely engaged these days. However recently my journey and choices have had me face some people on the battlefield I never dreamed I would.

While I may feel like its my responsibility to take care of me all the time sometimes this leader has to call on her army to help her on the battlefield. I have the most amazing friends in the world who always suit up and show up in the most unbelievable of ways. That is when I see God clearly reminding me how much God loves me. The last year or so has been one of the toughest yet most beautiful years of my life. Beautiful because the unknown continues to bring me miracles and dreams that exceed my own and tough because everything comes at a price. Prices I will never pay are my dignity, morals, beliefs, and values. The last year has been rough because some of those people who used to suit and show up for me once upon a time, did it again but this time they faced me on the battlefield as my opponent.

I won't be bullied by anyone and I will not be turned into someone I am not so people can not only buy their version of what is and live with their choices but also try and sell it to others. If there is something I have proven to be true repeatedly is that the truth does set you free. When you have lived with honesty you can rest your head to sleep at night without thoughts keeping you up. While I am beyond sad that some of the people who were once helping me navigate the unknown as part of my army are now opposing me and trying to destroy me I am beyond grateful that God loved me enough to show me their true colors. I am beyond flabbergasted as to who these people truly are. Time had come for me to move on and when I didn't do the moving for myself God did it for me by exposing me to a level of judgment projected on me with words and actions that only a person in hate with themselves would project on another.

However even as my army grows smaller I am grateful for those who remain and continue to cheer me on and want to see me succeed. After all it's not about the quantity but quality of the army. We know hundreds of poisoned soldiers are no good but ten healthy ones are extraordinary. To me the key to success is not only leading an army but knowing when to step down and become part of that army to allow another leader to shine. As these harsh lessons make their way through my life I am looking forward to what is about to be born of faith once more as I continue my journey through the unknown yet again and Bear Fruit, my first feature film. It's a huge undertaking but everything I have lived has led me here. I am ready to create work that has a message and makes people think yet again. I am resting my sword for now and trusting in the process once more but most of all looking forward to watching all the beautiful talented people God is sending my way be each other's teachers and create art that inspires you to follow your heart.

My opponents have taught me that what matters most is not what happens but how I handle what happens. Once again I believe I let every ounce of my being be genuine when it was attacked and remain true to its morals, values, and beliefs trusting that as we do so is done to us. My journey has taught me that some people's ideas of taking care of themselves is taking down another in the process to ensure their own success. All I have to say to those who tried is, if you invite evil in for a cup of tea it will try to stay for dinner but if you invite it to my dinner you better be ready to be escorted out immediately. ;-) I will always continue to do things my way and I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting me, my beliefs and those I love and their beliefs. I will continue to believe in a world where everyone's individuality can create a unique beautiful world where love, goodness, and faith triumph fear, hatred, and competitiveness. God thank you for giving me the courage to make my way through the unknown on my terms without ever purposely hurting anyone. Thank you for giving me the courage to do things with purpose and love and without selling my soul to my grandest opponent even if it meant biting off more than I could chew. Let the record show I took the BLOW(S) and did it MY WAY!!! ;-)