The gifts of raising a teenage girl.

I recently saw the Blind Side for the second time and this time I cried like a baby. Not that I didn't the first time but maybe the fact that I was in a theater made me a little more reserved. This time in the comforts of my home I wept and wept. It's hard to imagine a world where a mom doesn't want their child and that is the reason for all those tears. I don't want to think that any child isn't LOVED as they DESERVE but sadly it's happening. What I take from this movie is that a mom doesn't want their child because she feels their child deserves better than what she is capable of giving. That doesn't make it any easier to see what the child goes through because of the mom's choices. Choice. That is such a powerful word and action. What we choose really shapes us, our lives, and those we decide to share it with.

I am thinking about this a lot these days because as some of you know I am raising a teenage girl purely by choice of my own while she is not my own. As I type that I keep thinking of Sandra Bullock's words when she was promoting the Blind Side. "Just because a child didn't come from you doesn't mean they aren't yours." While I do not intend to ever replace Zoey's mom or her memories of her the truth is that now I am responsible for raising a teenage girl. I volunteered at Big Brother Big Sister never knowing what awaited me and clearly seeing once we were matched that as usual God always has a plan for me quite more grand than the ones I have for myself. God really trusts me! ;-)

She is a smart, beautiful, and full of energy young lady. I am well aware that she is watching EVERY move I make. My choices are now affecting someone else in a way I never expected until I married and shared this duty with someone else. God as usual had other plans. Everything from what I say to others to how I drive is being scrutinized. I am well aware of this and I am also well aware that all I can do is be genuine and be me. I don't hide ANYTHING from her. Not my sadness nor my excitement. I jumped up and down with her when I was going to Rome for my film's premiere and I confessed why I cried in the car as Taylor Swift's White Horse played. The latter prompted her to say to me when we got out of the car, "You need a hug" and proceeded to give me one. She is making me realize that all I want for her is what my mom wanted for all of her seven kids, happiness.

While I want her happiness more than anything I also don't want for one second to take from her journey or make her a copy of me!! I want her to be Zoey O. at her fullest!!!! Who she was born to be, which is why this weekend was so important and a test of that. She hasn't been doing so great in her honors classes so I had to test my ability to be firm and forgo worrying about being liked for her well being. I gave the speeches my mom gave us and to my surprise they were well received. She shows me more and more everyday that children desire guidance even when it seems like they have been left to fend for themselves as part of their life's plan. (her mom passed when she was 8) She was grounded but was allowed to do what we had planned as well. She knew we would spend all of Saturday catching up on all that homework that was never turned in but Friday night we would stick to our plans.

Friday night reminded me of what it is like to thirteen. Memories came rushing back of the young Adriana who hid from Ricky Martin when my mom went to introduce me. I would go on to meet him several times and my sister in law went on to work with him in a soap opera. ;-) Zoey saw Jason Mraz for the first time Friday night and in the process has shown me how little I care about what anyone thinks of me. ;-) Everytime he walked by she would point and say there's Jason. Even to his face and you should have seen her when she sat in the same aisle as him. At the end of the evening I introduced them and silence with a smile is what became of this chatty teenager. He conversed with her and she said nothing! This picture says it all.

It was reminiscent of this day for me. Look at that smile. Look familiar? I grew into the smile.;-)


In a lot of ways she reminds me of me when I was her age and more and more everyday I see God's plan for the both of us. I am officially a package deal. You want me, then you have to know her and the importance of her in my life. The gifts she has given me continue to show themselves everyday. Most of all she has made my gratitude for my mom grow and grow and grow. I have asked God many times for courage, faith, strength, and patience among other things. Spending the weekend with her reminded me of how God doesn't just give you those qualities. God gives you scenarios where those qualities can be born. All I can hope for her is that she is given the courage in our relationship to witness her own BECOMING! I am there to catch her when she falls but she has got to be the one willing to get back up. I want her to always trust she can be all she dreams of and more as my beautiful friend Jen Marie reminded me I could be when she sent me this song.
"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies." — Emily Dickinson