The moment comes when you are cornered by false accusations, which are very different then perception as sometimes fear makes people flat out lie and it's such a crucial moment because this is when my ego wants to fight back. Usually profanity comes to mind and if I don't listen to my heart my mouth will open and speak words I WILL come to regret. My ability to stay still and wait for the words to come from my heart is what makes people believe I am weak. People can confuse love with stupidity and inability to take care of myself but that is far from the truth for me. The fact that I bring a different kind of weapon, my heart, to the battlefield confuses people. I choose to respond in love with love and while this isn't always my choice I work hard each time to chose it. Like I am now.
Once again that force is at it again making people believe they control my destiny. It quite never gets tired of showing up at moments when I already have a lot going on in life but I came to the realization that due to my immense growth in Faith in the last few years it is actually arriving right on time. Perhaps this time I am not the student but the teacher. I believe we are constantly one or the other depending on the lesson God has sent the universe to teach us. Perhaps I am both as while I will stand up and take care of myself I will also do it in love and show people that taking care of oneself does not mean taking someone else down in the process. I see this belief in life that if we don't beat others to the finish line we loose. I believe that if we don't beat others to the finish line we are simply being detoured to our road, which consists of a destiny that could only be made a reality by YOU! Unique you who possesses a kingdom of your own within you that holds your unique qualities that will create your unique success unlike anyone else's. If we are open to it we can see success in abundance.
I see that perception. I am able to do what no one else can in a way only I can and in the process I produce my destiny. Someone has come armed with fear yet again threatening to take what they believe they can. They have no idea that I understand that this is part of God's plan. They have come to teach me yet again about character, strength and courage. I hope that my part in this is to teach them about fighting with dignity. About doing what feels right without trying to take others down out of fear. I have unfortunately been cornered pretty badly so much that it is getting hard to breath with their constant harassment so now I have to "fight" back. Being in a corner is no bueno! No one puts baby in a corner. ;-) I would like to breathe the air that is here for all of us, which is by the way provided by a force much greater than this person. That is where it gets tricky. This person actually believes they control my oxygen and ability to breathe.
So I've prepared my case and lucky for me it's a good one because it's the truth. You see when you attack out of fear false evidence appears and Ewa answers. Any Avatar fans? That is my favorite line, "Ewa heard you!" That moment has come for me and not only has Ewa heard me, Ewa is always with me. My understanding of it that is. Which means no I will not try to belittle this person or attack with false accusations I will simply provide evidence that discredits all they are speaking. I have to say it is really sad in this day and age to see someone try so hard to discredit everything I have earned simply because I am a Mexican woman and add success to that and forget I've signed my death sentence. Racism is such a sad force but it's messing with someone who understands I am worthy because I am God's child created in love of love. So it's messing with the wrong God child. ;-)
That is how this force some call evil works. It invades people who can easily be taken over by it and attacks the light. I am light. I choose light. I like anyone can choose darkness and to be consumed by it especially with all the last two years has brought but that is not what I came to this existence to do. I came to carry the light. I came to be light and I came to help others honor their light. So to you Dear Sir I say, "See you on the battlefield. I will look the same yet you may notice more compassion, love and understanding while I provide my evidence. That is what is called the LIGHT." I too can command the wind sir. I have a hurricane in me that can strip away your fear if you dare to me. I AM LOVE!
I AM A FORCE OF LOVE TO BE RECKONED WITH! I will leave you with the words that provided me with comfort and solace after the most recent attack two days ago. Wait for the final shot, it's my favorite. When fear comes to you and tries to strip you of all that is good in you I hope you too can attend the battlefield armed with your heart on your sleeve and your light shining so brightly from within! "I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive, I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to FLY!" May you do the same and may your example help other fly away from fear towards the light! May you choose to be the light!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The one hundred fifty dollar miracle!
On September 7, 2011 Randy and I decided to shoot a trailer for Bearing Fruit in an effort to help us raise the money for the film after the Investor backed out on backing the film the week my father passed. Since then I have tried as best as I can to move forward, secure funding once again even through grants all while healing. A deadline is upon us so this was what we came up with to try and move forward. We had no budget so all we could rely on were favors and as I see it God, the universe and all my angels. Now would be a good time to say that is strictly my view and opinion not the entire Bearing Fruit production team. Now would also be a good time to say it worked and a $100 dollar miracle was born!!!
In a week and a half we recast some of the original cast, hired crew, extras, secured locations, catered, got props, etc. and quite frankly shot a short even though only a trailer was the original intention. Yet again I saw what is born of faith. However none of this would have been possible if it weren't for all the amazing people God and the universe conspired to cross our paths with. We needed restaurants, homes, apartments and so much in such little time. Everyone also had to be willing to let us use everything without us having insurance and everyone working on the film from crew to actor had to come do it for free. Oh and did I mention we also had to have all the equipment from camera to lights for free? When I say we had no budget I mean we had no budget. Originally I out of pocketed one hundred dollars for the food but then someone crossed our path who wanted to donate that to the production asking for nothing in return but I could not let that be the case. I offered a credit, which they declined saying the just wanted to be of service. AMAZING!! Yes it's one hundred dollars but it's the act that counts not the amount.
Randy and I worked non-stop from September 7 to the day we hit the set on September 17 and then the other work began. The we are so blessed to be able to do this work! The fun stuff on the set. As I looked around I was amazed at what we had pulled of in ten days. I kept thinking about how when the universe shows up and asks you to step into something really daunting and big and you actually do, magic happens. So many amazing friends, new and old, showed up to support us knowing of our impending deadline and also about all the work we've put in not only trying to get the film made but developing the script as well into something we could all proudly put our names on. Something with the writer's amazing and unique storyline that also held no stereotypes. Where people are looked at as people trying to figure life out and race, etc. is secondary. After being on the set I can the mission was accomplished.
Led by our DP Drew Gayner we shot for two days straight a thirty page script. Kind of. This is where it became a bit tricky. In an effort to put the best of the best in the trailer and make it something that captures people's attention Randy put together a thirty page script. You should have seen my face when I saw what he wanted to do. I joked "you do realize this is on no budget?" After all I had shot fifteen pages for The Experimental Witch for the cost of $7,500 and that was without Neil charging me and we shot for three days. He wanted to accomplish so much in such little time but I knew what God and the universe were asking of me so I stepped into it and trusted that I would be guided through it. Did I mention I am also the lead? LINE? ;-) Instead of letting fear take over me we compromised as Randy and I have learned to in the past year. He could shoot all that but we would have to add a day. The one hundred dollar miracle became the one hundred fifty dollar miracle but still can you believe it? We did it! We freaking did it!!!! We shot thirty pages on one hundred and fifty dollars!
I've seen about close to two minutes of trailer footage without color correction, final music, etc. so a very rough cut and I am so proud of everyone! I keep thinking about how with my first production, The Art of Being, I had next to no money but I did it. Then after I won the award and took it on tour I out of pocketed $20,000 which I never recouped. After that with The Experimental Witch I out of pocketed $10,000 after all the shipping to Italy and made $3,700 back as the competition's winner. As you can see the company hasn't really brought money in and that is why without an Investor a miracle had to be produced. What I was left thinking is how magical life is. How what you believe is what you create and how if you can really open your heart to the endless possibilities you co create them with God, the universe conspires and your dreams are manifested even when it appears that you have NOTHING! Appears is the key word. You see I may have lost most of the money I invested but I gained a huge thing no amount of money can give you, FAITH!
I wonder how much I would have really learned in the years my indie company came to life if everything was handed to me. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have to navigate the darkness of the unknown to get to the magic. One of the things that stands out the most for me is that while some have seen my choices as poor since I am not sitting on a pile of money and their judgement caused us to part ways mostly I have learned about the kindness of the human spirit. In order to succeed in anything you need help. Basically we need eachother and while I may be the one steering the ship through the stormy waters I know for a fact that without everyone who has chosen to come on board and light the way with their inner light we would not have reached our destination this time or any production in the past. I whole heartily believe that what you invest in the world and humanity is what you invest in yourself and it comes back when you need it most if you are able to see it.
I am and I am grateful for all the following people who are the dreamers behind the one hundred fifty dollar miracle called the "Bearing Fruit" trailer. God and the universe for crossing our paths with the following people Ruben Garfias, Michael Mullen, Carlos Acuna, Sheila Hart, Benjamin Lutz, Hans Hernke, Drew Gayner, Adam, Vanessa, Michael Huang, Lisa Skarveles, Hannah and Neil Lisk, Mercedes Cortazar Ferguson, Eric Schwartz, Finian Makepeace, Susan and Jim Vopicka, Bev and Herb Bishop, Alejandro Ortiz and Ingrid Smart at Cassanova Pendrill, Sarah and Grant Smith, Pamela Corey, James Duenas, Mercedes Garza, Lizanne Keigley, Laura and Emily Froust, Andy Forrest, Jon~Cienna and Danielle Artigo, Leo Ibanez, Nicole and Vince Shultz, Jason Mraz and Diane Wagner at WMG Publishing, Blanca Valdez and Blanca Valdez Casting, Jerry Gabaldon and the Pacific Arts Dance Center, Ayesha Jarnegan, Josefa Salinas, Ryland Engelhart and Cary Moiser at Cafe Gratitude, Kellie and Adam Guerrero, Jake Versluis, Areli and Karina Paredes, Eve Muller, Kunal Rajan and last but not least the man who provides all my headaches, Paul Rodriguez. ;-) VERY SPECIAL THANKS to my partner in the arts for the over a year now our film's director, Randy Kent! Thank you for believing in me, the film and my overall mission. The universe will conspire. I promise! Timing IS everything! Most of all John Rincon thank you for giving us all a job to do with your unique screenplay!!!
You see it may have only taken one hundred and fifty dollars BUT without all these people that would not have been possible proving yet again that money doesn't make the dream a reality entirely on its own. For me without eachother we are just dreamers but with eachother and faith we make that dream our reality! You can see behind the scenes pictures and videos at http://www.facebook.com/AdrianaGarzaProductions but here are a few good ones!
One day before the shoot and here is what is happening.
Day One on the Set at Cafe Gratitude Los Angeles.
Day One on the set continued.....
Day One on the set continued....
Day Two on the set commences in Austin aka Laguna Hills, CA.
Day Three on the set. Rehearsing a dance scene and as you will see I love to mess with Randy.
Today as we make our way through post production I am so grateful for all my angels, for the courage Randy and I had in moving forward through the unknown and most of all I am grateful for my understanding of timing and for trusting that when others want outcomes on their time is it okay for me to sit and breathe my way through it. To trust myself and know that when the time has come to move I will know. There were those who tried hard to push this caterpillar out of its cocoon before my healing was done so their dreams could be made a reality on their time. I am so blessed and beyond grateful God and the universe did not allow it as every moment, every action and every person whose crossed my path in the year since I optioned the script arrived right on time to help light my way and guide me here. A time when this trailer would arrive, God's time. It's the only time for me to arrive on because that is the time when the magic and miracles appear.
As I breathe my way through the unknown and continue to trust in its magic I leave you with a gem to remind you all is as it should be especially in moments when doubt comes to befriend you. May you see the blessings and the angels that help you manifest your dreams too as I am certain they are there! After all it's all in how we choose to see life on life's terms. Don't forget to be breathe and in doing so I hope you too are graced with the presence of abundance and gratitude even if it APPEARS different to others. All that matters is what you see. May you see the miracle that is LIFE! "There are two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as thought everything is a miracle!" A. Einstein...the choice is yours!
In a week and a half we recast some of the original cast, hired crew, extras, secured locations, catered, got props, etc. and quite frankly shot a short even though only a trailer was the original intention. Yet again I saw what is born of faith. However none of this would have been possible if it weren't for all the amazing people God and the universe conspired to cross our paths with. We needed restaurants, homes, apartments and so much in such little time. Everyone also had to be willing to let us use everything without us having insurance and everyone working on the film from crew to actor had to come do it for free. Oh and did I mention we also had to have all the equipment from camera to lights for free? When I say we had no budget I mean we had no budget. Originally I out of pocketed one hundred dollars for the food but then someone crossed our path who wanted to donate that to the production asking for nothing in return but I could not let that be the case. I offered a credit, which they declined saying the just wanted to be of service. AMAZING!! Yes it's one hundred dollars but it's the act that counts not the amount.
Randy and I worked non-stop from September 7 to the day we hit the set on September 17 and then the other work began. The we are so blessed to be able to do this work! The fun stuff on the set. As I looked around I was amazed at what we had pulled of in ten days. I kept thinking about how when the universe shows up and asks you to step into something really daunting and big and you actually do, magic happens. So many amazing friends, new and old, showed up to support us knowing of our impending deadline and also about all the work we've put in not only trying to get the film made but developing the script as well into something we could all proudly put our names on. Something with the writer's amazing and unique storyline that also held no stereotypes. Where people are looked at as people trying to figure life out and race, etc. is secondary. After being on the set I can the mission was accomplished.
Led by our DP Drew Gayner we shot for two days straight a thirty page script. Kind of. This is where it became a bit tricky. In an effort to put the best of the best in the trailer and make it something that captures people's attention Randy put together a thirty page script. You should have seen my face when I saw what he wanted to do. I joked "you do realize this is on no budget?" After all I had shot fifteen pages for The Experimental Witch for the cost of $7,500 and that was without Neil charging me and we shot for three days. He wanted to accomplish so much in such little time but I knew what God and the universe were asking of me so I stepped into it and trusted that I would be guided through it. Did I mention I am also the lead? LINE? ;-) Instead of letting fear take over me we compromised as Randy and I have learned to in the past year. He could shoot all that but we would have to add a day. The one hundred dollar miracle became the one hundred fifty dollar miracle but still can you believe it? We did it! We freaking did it!!!! We shot thirty pages on one hundred and fifty dollars!
I've seen about close to two minutes of trailer footage without color correction, final music, etc. so a very rough cut and I am so proud of everyone! I keep thinking about how with my first production, The Art of Being, I had next to no money but I did it. Then after I won the award and took it on tour I out of pocketed $20,000 which I never recouped. After that with The Experimental Witch I out of pocketed $10,000 after all the shipping to Italy and made $3,700 back as the competition's winner. As you can see the company hasn't really brought money in and that is why without an Investor a miracle had to be produced. What I was left thinking is how magical life is. How what you believe is what you create and how if you can really open your heart to the endless possibilities you co create them with God, the universe conspires and your dreams are manifested even when it appears that you have NOTHING! Appears is the key word. You see I may have lost most of the money I invested but I gained a huge thing no amount of money can give you, FAITH!
I wonder how much I would have really learned in the years my indie company came to life if everything was handed to me. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have to navigate the darkness of the unknown to get to the magic. One of the things that stands out the most for me is that while some have seen my choices as poor since I am not sitting on a pile of money and their judgement caused us to part ways mostly I have learned about the kindness of the human spirit. In order to succeed in anything you need help. Basically we need eachother and while I may be the one steering the ship through the stormy waters I know for a fact that without everyone who has chosen to come on board and light the way with their inner light we would not have reached our destination this time or any production in the past. I whole heartily believe that what you invest in the world and humanity is what you invest in yourself and it comes back when you need it most if you are able to see it.
I am and I am grateful for all the following people who are the dreamers behind the one hundred fifty dollar miracle called the "Bearing Fruit" trailer. God and the universe for crossing our paths with the following people Ruben Garfias, Michael Mullen, Carlos Acuna, Sheila Hart, Benjamin Lutz, Hans Hernke, Drew Gayner, Adam, Vanessa, Michael Huang, Lisa Skarveles, Hannah and Neil Lisk, Mercedes Cortazar Ferguson, Eric Schwartz, Finian Makepeace, Susan and Jim Vopicka, Bev and Herb Bishop, Alejandro Ortiz and Ingrid Smart at Cassanova Pendrill, Sarah and Grant Smith, Pamela Corey, James Duenas, Mercedes Garza, Lizanne Keigley, Laura and Emily Froust, Andy Forrest, Jon~Cienna and Danielle Artigo, Leo Ibanez, Nicole and Vince Shultz, Jason Mraz and Diane Wagner at WMG Publishing, Blanca Valdez and Blanca Valdez Casting, Jerry Gabaldon and the Pacific Arts Dance Center, Ayesha Jarnegan, Josefa Salinas, Ryland Engelhart and Cary Moiser at Cafe Gratitude, Kellie and Adam Guerrero, Jake Versluis, Areli and Karina Paredes, Eve Muller, Kunal Rajan and last but not least the man who provides all my headaches, Paul Rodriguez. ;-) VERY SPECIAL THANKS to my partner in the arts for the over a year now our film's director, Randy Kent! Thank you for believing in me, the film and my overall mission. The universe will conspire. I promise! Timing IS everything! Most of all John Rincon thank you for giving us all a job to do with your unique screenplay!!!
You see it may have only taken one hundred and fifty dollars BUT without all these people that would not have been possible proving yet again that money doesn't make the dream a reality entirely on its own. For me without eachother we are just dreamers but with eachother and faith we make that dream our reality! You can see behind the scenes pictures and videos at http://www.facebook.com/AdrianaGarzaProductions but here are a few good ones!
One day before the shoot and here is what is happening.
Day One on the Set at Cafe Gratitude Los Angeles.
Day One on the set continued.....
Day One on the set continued....
Day Two on the set commences in Austin aka Laguna Hills, CA.
Day Three on the set. Rehearsing a dance scene and as you will see I love to mess with Randy.
Today as we make our way through post production I am so grateful for all my angels, for the courage Randy and I had in moving forward through the unknown and most of all I am grateful for my understanding of timing and for trusting that when others want outcomes on their time is it okay for me to sit and breathe my way through it. To trust myself and know that when the time has come to move I will know. There were those who tried hard to push this caterpillar out of its cocoon before my healing was done so their dreams could be made a reality on their time. I am so blessed and beyond grateful God and the universe did not allow it as every moment, every action and every person whose crossed my path in the year since I optioned the script arrived right on time to help light my way and guide me here. A time when this trailer would arrive, God's time. It's the only time for me to arrive on because that is the time when the magic and miracles appear.
As I breathe my way through the unknown and continue to trust in its magic I leave you with a gem to remind you all is as it should be especially in moments when doubt comes to befriend you. May you see the blessings and the angels that help you manifest your dreams too as I am certain they are there! After all it's all in how we choose to see life on life's terms. Don't forget to be breathe and in doing so I hope you too are graced with the presence of abundance and gratitude even if it APPEARS different to others. All that matters is what you see. May you see the miracle that is LIFE! "There are two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as thought everything is a miracle!" A. Einstein...the choice is yours!
Monday, September 12, 2011
It's a beautiful day! A miracle is born of faith and gratitude.
I have spent the last few days since a decision was reached last Wednesday to save our current project after we were given news that we weren't expecting, working non-stop. When I was told how not doing something is going to cost me well a fire was lit under my tush, whether it was done in a polite way or not at this point is besides the point. What it did was ignite the fire to save two years worth of hard work. There is no way I can hand over all we've done to develop something and walk away and we just call in the day. I am not who I am today or where I am because I walked away in defeat when things were detoured or fear descended. I am where I am because when things got detoured and I had to find a way, I did just that. I found a way.
It would be beyond foolish for me to say the ways now and in the past where found solely because of my hard work. This current production has had two casts and a few rounds of production people with one person always by my side for over a year now. Its Director, Randy. We have lived through so much together. Right now would be a great time to thank his amazingly patient wife! It's a good thing I am single or I may be by now with all I have had to pour into this production. Who could put up with this amount of passion for Latinos in film, for going beyond what meets the eye, for presenting a story like no other that could actually leave people with a more open heart and less judgement? Well hopefully someone but for now all is as it should be in that department. Each of us in separate worlds honoring our own art till the planets align and the universe conspires. Timing is everything! ;-)
Randy's wife is not the only one I came here to acknowledge this beautiful morning. It is a list of endless angels who upon getting my emails started flying in left and right wanting nothing in return but to help see this dream come to life. You want to know who your real friends are and you want to see people put their words into action produce something with no money. I thought my other budgets were tight? HA! I actually have one weekend to produce this with know idea how I will feed everyone but with absolute faith that the fish will be multiplied. Due to that faith things are unfolding beautifully and so today I came to share with you the dreamer my miracle being born of faith in hopes that you can find it in you to follow your heart to follow that voice that while it may be more quiet than others at times is always still there reassuring of the good that awaits you which the other voices try hard to silence. That is the one I follow and because I do after four days of working straight I have about seventy-five percent of my work done! All FAVORS with NO ONE making a dime. And the say MIRACLES don't exist! ;-)
I am not here to condemn those who preach all about helping eachother and when push comes to shove are nowhere to be found but I am here to HONOR all those who are able to move beyond fear and put their words into actions. This list is partial and I am sure as the week goes by and we get ready to go to set Saturday it will have grown. The gratitude I have for these people can not be expressed in words but you should know that what you will see by the end of the month that is an effort to save our project is because of these people. Mercedes Ferguson-Cortazar, Sarah and Grant Smith, Beverly Bishop, Areli Paredes, Josefa Salinas, Kunal, Michael Huang, Leo, Eric Schwartz, Pamela Corey, Mary Queen Angel, Danielle Artigo, Blanca Valdez, Ruben Garfias, Eve Muller, Vince and Nicole Shultz, Lisa, Randy, Michael Mullen, Micheal Teh, Jessica Ranek and Alejandro and Ingrid at ad agency behind my UNICEF ad. None of which asked for this acknowledgement and some too humble to accept it. All these people and many others voluntarily CHOSE to step into the ring with me and keep up the fight till the day my fate is delivered. In a little less than two months. ;-) Till that day I will fight as best as I can without hurting anyone or anything but simply honoring my calling. I was born to be a warrior and I will honor it and all that comes with it and be grateful that prayers are always answered on God's time.
It is said that what you put out is what you get back. Here's a little proof. I could have never known in 2009 that I would need a house that was ranch style in 2011 to make a project come to life. What I did know in that moment was that I was willing to go off the grid and shoot a commercial for UNICEF because as they saw at the audition I have been a supporter for years. I flashed them my donor card. Some people flash other things at auditions I flash donor cards. ;-) I earn my work on merit or as some see it loose it because of merit. I prefer to see it as my gain and this was a gain I had no idea would come back this big. I did this spot because people aren't getting a basic human right, water. I did it because people not having clean water is simply not okay in my world, period. This morning Alejandro and Ingrid, Creative Director and CEO respectively of Ad agency behind spot, sent me an email informing me that they would provide such location and that it was what they could do to pay me back for what I had done for UNICEF. This was a payback I could have never for seen and quite frankly the spot winning eight International awards was more than enough. I had already been paid in other ways but today yet again I was paid in another ways. It is indeed true that what you put out comes back but what is best about that is when you don't expect it to come back and God and the universe surprise you in the most magical of ways when you need it most. Their emails brought tears to my eyes.
I must get back to work because oh yeah not only am I producing but I star in it. I hope to make you proud as we have no stereotypes and my character while Latina is not a housekeeper or temptress but a law student and above all a human being simply being trying to find her way through life as best as she can while life happens on life's terms. I will tell you this, while some may have seen my choice to stop and heal as lazy because I worked less I see it as life imitating art. What that time gave me to prepare for this character and the amount of loss both her and I have to deal with is no coincidence but part of the plan that was being weaved into the pattern of my life to prepare me for something that only life could have prepared me for. No acting class or coach could have given me the depth of emotions life did which I will need to call upon this weekend. Please send me light, love, prayers or whatever you believe in for a magical shoot and strength to make it through.
Today is a beautiful day so I leave you with this. I used it in my play when I walked onstage to do my monologue as my intro song. I share it with you because as you just read I have a lot to be grateful for! My list is soooo long and it includes you. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. I hope you can find the beauty in what are called the everyday mundane tasks and may your path be crossed with angels willing to help you see your dream become a reality. I believe in gratitude lies abundance for you are able to see more of life's blessings!
An excerpt from today's Daily OM Horoscope which I read upon completing blog. Timing!
"As you feel the soothing energy of your environment, you may want to extend a few words of thanks to the universe for taking care of you. Simply being in this space can add to your overall sense of well-being.
Appreciating our surroundings lets us remain aware of the wonders we have been given. Allowing ourselves to be enveloped by the warmth of our environment and loved ones increases our awareness of the beauty that is in our lives. When times are difficult, it can be easy to forget that we have been blessed with so much. Realizing that we have everything we need in the present moment, however, helps us cultivate our feelings of contentment since we see that there is nothing lacking in our lives. By recognizing all that the universe has offered you, you will feel greater peace, joy, and warmth in your life today."
It would be beyond foolish for me to say the ways now and in the past where found solely because of my hard work. This current production has had two casts and a few rounds of production people with one person always by my side for over a year now. Its Director, Randy. We have lived through so much together. Right now would be a great time to thank his amazingly patient wife! It's a good thing I am single or I may be by now with all I have had to pour into this production. Who could put up with this amount of passion for Latinos in film, for going beyond what meets the eye, for presenting a story like no other that could actually leave people with a more open heart and less judgement? Well hopefully someone but for now all is as it should be in that department. Each of us in separate worlds honoring our own art till the planets align and the universe conspires. Timing is everything! ;-)
Randy's wife is not the only one I came here to acknowledge this beautiful morning. It is a list of endless angels who upon getting my emails started flying in left and right wanting nothing in return but to help see this dream come to life. You want to know who your real friends are and you want to see people put their words into action produce something with no money. I thought my other budgets were tight? HA! I actually have one weekend to produce this with know idea how I will feed everyone but with absolute faith that the fish will be multiplied. Due to that faith things are unfolding beautifully and so today I came to share with you the dreamer my miracle being born of faith in hopes that you can find it in you to follow your heart to follow that voice that while it may be more quiet than others at times is always still there reassuring of the good that awaits you which the other voices try hard to silence. That is the one I follow and because I do after four days of working straight I have about seventy-five percent of my work done! All FAVORS with NO ONE making a dime. And the say MIRACLES don't exist! ;-)
I am not here to condemn those who preach all about helping eachother and when push comes to shove are nowhere to be found but I am here to HONOR all those who are able to move beyond fear and put their words into actions. This list is partial and I am sure as the week goes by and we get ready to go to set Saturday it will have grown. The gratitude I have for these people can not be expressed in words but you should know that what you will see by the end of the month that is an effort to save our project is because of these people. Mercedes Ferguson-Cortazar, Sarah and Grant Smith, Beverly Bishop, Areli Paredes, Josefa Salinas, Kunal, Michael Huang, Leo, Eric Schwartz, Pamela Corey, Mary Queen Angel, Danielle Artigo, Blanca Valdez, Ruben Garfias, Eve Muller, Vince and Nicole Shultz, Lisa, Randy, Michael Mullen, Micheal Teh, Jessica Ranek and Alejandro and Ingrid at ad agency behind my UNICEF ad. None of which asked for this acknowledgement and some too humble to accept it. All these people and many others voluntarily CHOSE to step into the ring with me and keep up the fight till the day my fate is delivered. In a little less than two months. ;-) Till that day I will fight as best as I can without hurting anyone or anything but simply honoring my calling. I was born to be a warrior and I will honor it and all that comes with it and be grateful that prayers are always answered on God's time.
It is said that what you put out is what you get back. Here's a little proof. I could have never known in 2009 that I would need a house that was ranch style in 2011 to make a project come to life. What I did know in that moment was that I was willing to go off the grid and shoot a commercial for UNICEF because as they saw at the audition I have been a supporter for years. I flashed them my donor card. Some people flash other things at auditions I flash donor cards. ;-) I earn my work on merit or as some see it loose it because of merit. I prefer to see it as my gain and this was a gain I had no idea would come back this big. I did this spot because people aren't getting a basic human right, water. I did it because people not having clean water is simply not okay in my world, period. This morning Alejandro and Ingrid, Creative Director and CEO respectively of Ad agency behind spot, sent me an email informing me that they would provide such location and that it was what they could do to pay me back for what I had done for UNICEF. This was a payback I could have never for seen and quite frankly the spot winning eight International awards was more than enough. I had already been paid in other ways but today yet again I was paid in another ways. It is indeed true that what you put out comes back but what is best about that is when you don't expect it to come back and God and the universe surprise you in the most magical of ways when you need it most. Their emails brought tears to my eyes.
I must get back to work because oh yeah not only am I producing but I star in it. I hope to make you proud as we have no stereotypes and my character while Latina is not a housekeeper or temptress but a law student and above all a human being simply being trying to find her way through life as best as she can while life happens on life's terms. I will tell you this, while some may have seen my choice to stop and heal as lazy because I worked less I see it as life imitating art. What that time gave me to prepare for this character and the amount of loss both her and I have to deal with is no coincidence but part of the plan that was being weaved into the pattern of my life to prepare me for something that only life could have prepared me for. No acting class or coach could have given me the depth of emotions life did which I will need to call upon this weekend. Please send me light, love, prayers or whatever you believe in for a magical shoot and strength to make it through.
Today is a beautiful day so I leave you with this. I used it in my play when I walked onstage to do my monologue as my intro song. I share it with you because as you just read I have a lot to be grateful for! My list is soooo long and it includes you. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. I hope you can find the beauty in what are called the everyday mundane tasks and may your path be crossed with angels willing to help you see your dream become a reality. I believe in gratitude lies abundance for you are able to see more of life's blessings!
An excerpt from today's Daily OM Horoscope which I read upon completing blog. Timing!
"As you feel the soothing energy of your environment, you may want to extend a few words of thanks to the universe for taking care of you. Simply being in this space can add to your overall sense of well-being.
Appreciating our surroundings lets us remain aware of the wonders we have been given. Allowing ourselves to be enveloped by the warmth of our environment and loved ones increases our awareness of the beauty that is in our lives. When times are difficult, it can be easy to forget that we have been blessed with so much. Realizing that we have everything we need in the present moment, however, helps us cultivate our feelings of contentment since we see that there is nothing lacking in our lives. By recognizing all that the universe has offered you, you will feel greater peace, joy, and warmth in your life today."
Friday, September 9, 2011
The time has come to rise above once again! An Entirely New Direction has arrived!
Its become apparent that this long winding road is coming to an end and it's time for a new beginning! This means everything as I know it is seizing to exist. All I have been, all I have learned, all as it is and was is going to be left behind. The time is here to step into a world that exceeds my expectations once again. The last time I was asked to step into something so big and leave so much behind "The Art of Being" came to life. Thanks to that experience I can see people's threats for what they are. Sometimes life needs you to be somewhere else to serve your highest good and contribute to society how you are meant to and when you don't get it sometimes, just sometimes, it will take you there with a swift gentle kick in the ass like it has me. The fortunate thing for me is that all the people who have come at me with their fears in the past few weeks threatening to strip me of what they think they have in store for me and holds power over me have been reminders that it is time. Time to move on, step into what God has been preparing me for and rise above once again.
What is coming is going to not only blow me away but I think none of us are going to have seen this one coming well maybe I have. Oh that gut of mine. ;-) Everything inside of me is telling me so and in the words of my friend Mary Queen this morning it was reaffirmed. That is the beauty and magic of God, the universe, the unknown and how it decides to make itself known. Knowing what threat was imposed on me by another human yesterday, certainly not God, Mary echoed my sentiments. The time is here. It is time for you to move on to greater things she said.
I have never sat in a room for a half hour and had someone repeatedly tell me how worthless I am, how I can do nothing right and that I don't meet their expectations. Wait there was that time a roadtrip in a foreign country provided that for me and that was longer than a half hour so I take it back. ;-) I sat there and sent them love, said the serenity prayer and at one point took several deep breaths. I needed to do all this to be able to focus on the truth as I see it and not lash out in ego. It's not me that holds all these character defects, it's them and their tortured past they are trying to impose on me to try to destroy me as they have never quite been comfortable with a woman in a position of "power". A power I choose to use to try as best as I can everyday through my life and work to follow my calling and create and send love into this vast universe in everything I do.
This was the second time in one week I was told by someone how I am failing and how I should have done things. Fear is actually winning them over allowing them to believe they can control me and my destiny. So for them I pray. I pray they have the ability to believe in endless possibilities where belittling others to get ahead and succeed is not the way of life. To trust that there is enough for all of us! That abundance is found in gratitude for what is and not what we wish was. That threatening others and their well being is not a way to hold control. It's an illusion of control. I do understand though. I know they are desperately trying to get their way and using the only tools they know how to try control unable to let go of what doesn't lie in their hands making themselves believe they control my destiny. So for them and their fears I hold compassion. I pray they find a way to heal and someday maybe even have the ability to not hurt themselves so much, as I abide by the golden rule that as you do so shall be done to you. I don't believe karma is a bitch I believe it is what you make it so careful. Our choices are powerful and what we put out is what we get back.
That is precisely why I can't take on their fears because what I put out is between me and God and trust me I have nothing to fear nor will I allow False Evidence Appearing Real to destroy me. This negative energy some label as evil and others as the devil has visited me before and I see it for what it is when we meet. An energy taking over someone. I don't believe that person is actually evil but just as you can invite in the light, you can invite the darkness in as well. Not to be confused by the darkness that arrives as the hurricane comes in bringing life on life's terms situations like death. They are so different. To me at least.
I've have seen a lot in my thirty- four years and especially the last five. I have been stripped of everything as I knew it before. I have sat in my dining room contemplating the news that my commercials were not going to air, tight on money believing the money for the play was gone, hearing God firmly but gently say "do what you love, the money will follow", and finally with complete AWARENESS choosing that voice over all others in the committee who told me I couldn't and shouldn't do the play because it was too risky. Within a few weeks of the play opening I was a finalist for a nationwide award and by the end of that same year I had won the award, flown to NY twice, appeared in GLAMOUR magazine twice, was honored in a ceremony here and was an honored guest at the Woman of the Year Awards at Carnegie Hall, in the end taking home a 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid all because I choose love over fear and in the process allowed God to guide me to what I am meant to be doing here. The play was about humanity for humanity to help us all look beyond what meets the eye, bridge the gap of loneliness within humanity and help us all including me feel more at home in our skin especially in this advertiser driven world where the belief that being is simply not enough is constantly thrown at us.
Soon after I was able to follow the signs once more and ended up walking the red carpet with the author who at one point in life served a tremendous purpose in my life and gave me strength to keep moving forward and who eventually taught me exactly what I am made of and how much courage I have. Also even more tight on money at the time I found a way to make that film and God as usual sent angels my way left and right to guide the project all the way to Rome. One of them left us too soon, so I believe but I am sure it was right on time even if I can't see it. So here I am today moving forward beyond the current "opposition" I prefer to look at as fear taking over others and I so desperately want him to be on this upcoming shoot. I want to call Neil and have him bring his people with him and guide me once more and I can't. I have a week to go to this shoot and while he is not physically here he is guiding me and giving me courage to multiply the fish and feed everyone. ;-) Trust me. Between him, my dad, grandpa, first agent and first therapist I know I have a team on the other side that help give me the strength to go on. To rise above and beyond and that in the most magical of ways they are helping the universe conspire.
The truth is that behind every human and their accomplishments are extraordinary beings. I am grateful oh so beyond grateful that upon sharing the news with Danielle, Bev, Areli and Mary Queen about yesterday's half hour fear session that was poured on me but slid off like water off a duck's back they all had similar reactions. All thrilled for where life is guiding me. Mary called me a warrior and I smiled at the thought for the first time in a long time. That word has been misused before by someone so they can manipulate people into buying into something they don't even stand for but make others believe they do. So I had a really tough time with it for a while now and finally a few years later I can be called a warrior and it is once again the sweetest sound my ears can hear. My definition of warrior.
These ladies hold my hand in absolute faith always supporting my decisions and where I choose to follow my guidance aka God compass i.e. gut instinct. ;-) Danielle and Mary Queen always tell me when they hear the latest, "I am not worried for you. You are the last person I am worried about. Actually excited to see where this is leading." May you be blessed to have at least one friend like them that sees the light peering through the darkness. Thank you to these heavenly earthbound angels! Randy and Lisa thanks for choosing to stay in the final stretch with me helping me to home base where the fruits of our labors awaits us. You know what I mean. We are doing it!
I have loved and lost tremendously. I have been ready to wed at twenty-two only to find myself in the biggest of betrayals, which was actually a blessing in disguise this then twenty-two year old couldn't see. A called off union led to uniting with my soul and finding my way back to myself and forgiveness for him. I have had cents in my bank account with no idea of where money would come from and yet it did. I have found a tremendously supportive male mentor, fell in love and seen him leave my life telling me I was someone he wanted nothing to do with. I have endured countless job interviews i.e. auditions in hopes of living my dream. Some even recently with not so very nice people running the sessions belittling myself and others with their attitudes yet kept hope alive that they can find love and walking away with the lesson yet again that no job is worth my dignity. That money can't buy me or anything- not happiness, not beauty, not a thing. All I have received in the past five years due to my efforts has come in big amounts of LOVE, a love no amount of money can buy. However now after years of living all this including loss in the form of death of loved ones the time has come to rise above and beyond!
In order to step into a new beginning you have to be willing to let go of EVERYTHING as you know it. You can take everything from me but you can't take my essence. I have learned one of the greatest gifts life bestows upon us if we are willing to receive it. I have learned the Art of LETTING GO! I am letting go of all I have known preparing myself for what I am going to know while being present in the gifts of today. I don't know what is going to happen in the next three months but I know this, these "threats" i.e blessings in disguise have come to take me by the hand and oh so gently guide me into the what next. A what next I am being told is something only God and the universe along with all my angels can conjure up. Two deaths, agency changes, an expiring movie option, the threat of loosing my home, financial instability, and fear trying once again to destroy me (wonder if it gets tired of being such a pest, seriously!) is what it is taking for me to make my way into my NEW BEGINNING! Don't know where I am headed but I can guarantee you one thing, like a skyscraper I will be rising from the ground! The time has come!
What is coming is going to not only blow me away but I think none of us are going to have seen this one coming well maybe I have. Oh that gut of mine. ;-) Everything inside of me is telling me so and in the words of my friend Mary Queen this morning it was reaffirmed. That is the beauty and magic of God, the universe, the unknown and how it decides to make itself known. Knowing what threat was imposed on me by another human yesterday, certainly not God, Mary echoed my sentiments. The time is here. It is time for you to move on to greater things she said.
I have never sat in a room for a half hour and had someone repeatedly tell me how worthless I am, how I can do nothing right and that I don't meet their expectations. Wait there was that time a roadtrip in a foreign country provided that for me and that was longer than a half hour so I take it back. ;-) I sat there and sent them love, said the serenity prayer and at one point took several deep breaths. I needed to do all this to be able to focus on the truth as I see it and not lash out in ego. It's not me that holds all these character defects, it's them and their tortured past they are trying to impose on me to try to destroy me as they have never quite been comfortable with a woman in a position of "power". A power I choose to use to try as best as I can everyday through my life and work to follow my calling and create and send love into this vast universe in everything I do.
This was the second time in one week I was told by someone how I am failing and how I should have done things. Fear is actually winning them over allowing them to believe they can control me and my destiny. So for them I pray. I pray they have the ability to believe in endless possibilities where belittling others to get ahead and succeed is not the way of life. To trust that there is enough for all of us! That abundance is found in gratitude for what is and not what we wish was. That threatening others and their well being is not a way to hold control. It's an illusion of control. I do understand though. I know they are desperately trying to get their way and using the only tools they know how to try control unable to let go of what doesn't lie in their hands making themselves believe they control my destiny. So for them and their fears I hold compassion. I pray they find a way to heal and someday maybe even have the ability to not hurt themselves so much, as I abide by the golden rule that as you do so shall be done to you. I don't believe karma is a bitch I believe it is what you make it so careful. Our choices are powerful and what we put out is what we get back.
That is precisely why I can't take on their fears because what I put out is between me and God and trust me I have nothing to fear nor will I allow False Evidence Appearing Real to destroy me. This negative energy some label as evil and others as the devil has visited me before and I see it for what it is when we meet. An energy taking over someone. I don't believe that person is actually evil but just as you can invite in the light, you can invite the darkness in as well. Not to be confused by the darkness that arrives as the hurricane comes in bringing life on life's terms situations like death. They are so different. To me at least.
I've have seen a lot in my thirty- four years and especially the last five. I have been stripped of everything as I knew it before. I have sat in my dining room contemplating the news that my commercials were not going to air, tight on money believing the money for the play was gone, hearing God firmly but gently say "do what you love, the money will follow", and finally with complete AWARENESS choosing that voice over all others in the committee who told me I couldn't and shouldn't do the play because it was too risky. Within a few weeks of the play opening I was a finalist for a nationwide award and by the end of that same year I had won the award, flown to NY twice, appeared in GLAMOUR magazine twice, was honored in a ceremony here and was an honored guest at the Woman of the Year Awards at Carnegie Hall, in the end taking home a 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid all because I choose love over fear and in the process allowed God to guide me to what I am meant to be doing here. The play was about humanity for humanity to help us all look beyond what meets the eye, bridge the gap of loneliness within humanity and help us all including me feel more at home in our skin especially in this advertiser driven world where the belief that being is simply not enough is constantly thrown at us.
Soon after I was able to follow the signs once more and ended up walking the red carpet with the author who at one point in life served a tremendous purpose in my life and gave me strength to keep moving forward and who eventually taught me exactly what I am made of and how much courage I have. Also even more tight on money at the time I found a way to make that film and God as usual sent angels my way left and right to guide the project all the way to Rome. One of them left us too soon, so I believe but I am sure it was right on time even if I can't see it. So here I am today moving forward beyond the current "opposition" I prefer to look at as fear taking over others and I so desperately want him to be on this upcoming shoot. I want to call Neil and have him bring his people with him and guide me once more and I can't. I have a week to go to this shoot and while he is not physically here he is guiding me and giving me courage to multiply the fish and feed everyone. ;-) Trust me. Between him, my dad, grandpa, first agent and first therapist I know I have a team on the other side that help give me the strength to go on. To rise above and beyond and that in the most magical of ways they are helping the universe conspire.
The truth is that behind every human and their accomplishments are extraordinary beings. I am grateful oh so beyond grateful that upon sharing the news with Danielle, Bev, Areli and Mary Queen about yesterday's half hour fear session that was poured on me but slid off like water off a duck's back they all had similar reactions. All thrilled for where life is guiding me. Mary called me a warrior and I smiled at the thought for the first time in a long time. That word has been misused before by someone so they can manipulate people into buying into something they don't even stand for but make others believe they do. So I had a really tough time with it for a while now and finally a few years later I can be called a warrior and it is once again the sweetest sound my ears can hear. My definition of warrior.
These ladies hold my hand in absolute faith always supporting my decisions and where I choose to follow my guidance aka God compass i.e. gut instinct. ;-) Danielle and Mary Queen always tell me when they hear the latest, "I am not worried for you. You are the last person I am worried about. Actually excited to see where this is leading." May you be blessed to have at least one friend like them that sees the light peering through the darkness. Thank you to these heavenly earthbound angels! Randy and Lisa thanks for choosing to stay in the final stretch with me helping me to home base where the fruits of our labors awaits us. You know what I mean. We are doing it!
I have loved and lost tremendously. I have been ready to wed at twenty-two only to find myself in the biggest of betrayals, which was actually a blessing in disguise this then twenty-two year old couldn't see. A called off union led to uniting with my soul and finding my way back to myself and forgiveness for him. I have had cents in my bank account with no idea of where money would come from and yet it did. I have found a tremendously supportive male mentor, fell in love and seen him leave my life telling me I was someone he wanted nothing to do with. I have endured countless job interviews i.e. auditions in hopes of living my dream. Some even recently with not so very nice people running the sessions belittling myself and others with their attitudes yet kept hope alive that they can find love and walking away with the lesson yet again that no job is worth my dignity. That money can't buy me or anything- not happiness, not beauty, not a thing. All I have received in the past five years due to my efforts has come in big amounts of LOVE, a love no amount of money can buy. However now after years of living all this including loss in the form of death of loved ones the time has come to rise above and beyond!
In order to step into a new beginning you have to be willing to let go of EVERYTHING as you know it. You can take everything from me but you can't take my essence. I have learned one of the greatest gifts life bestows upon us if we are willing to receive it. I have learned the Art of LETTING GO! I am letting go of all I have known preparing myself for what I am going to know while being present in the gifts of today. I don't know what is going to happen in the next three months but I know this, these "threats" i.e blessings in disguise have come to take me by the hand and oh so gently guide me into the what next. A what next I am being told is something only God and the universe along with all my angels can conjure up. Two deaths, agency changes, an expiring movie option, the threat of loosing my home, financial instability, and fear trying once again to destroy me (wonder if it gets tired of being such a pest, seriously!) is what it is taking for me to make my way into my NEW BEGINNING! Don't know where I am headed but I can guarantee you one thing, like a skyscraper I will be rising from the ground! The time has come!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I believe in miracles and....
looking at adversity through the eyes of gratitude. When things don't turn out as I envisioned and I am detoured yet again my instinct is stop and make a list of all of the things I am grateful for in that very moment. Simply because fear is trying to replace my true passion, LOVE, with itself and I can get back to LOVE by facing that fear if I just stop and BE GRATEFUL. So today I am dealing with news I got a few days ago, which I was not expecting but didn't fight instead I made a list. It can be really long so I'll keep it short. Me short? I will try! Okay, fine who am I kidding. ;-)
I am grateful for my eyes which upon opening this morning were able to see all the beauty that surrounds me from all the blessings within my home to all the ones that awaited me just outside my door. I am grateful for the fighting soul I was blessed with which has taught me when to keep up the good fight and when to let go and trust in God and the universe. I am grateful for senses, all of them, the ones that let me take in the smells of the planet to the one which with no true logical explanation will come in and share news with me of what is yet to come asking me to trust beyond what I can see or what others have the capacity to believe in. I am grateful for my toes who kept up with me as best as possible in dance class even though they were in some pain. I am grateful they allowed me to feed my soul. I am grateful for my dance teacher and every student in there learning and teaching me about the art of being present in one's own rhythm dancing to a beat all our own.
I am grateful for you taking time out of your precious day to read this. I am grateful for my fingers that are typing this at this very moment. I am grateful for Cienna's smile who in four months of existence has made me smile on a weekly basis and reminded me of what is yet to come for me. I am grateful for her momma Danielle who is tirelessly putting together a very late surprise wedding gift for some friends after someone else was unable to be their word. I am grateful for her ability to learn how to do it but most of all I am grateful for her listening ears which are invaluable! Oh the secrets they keep. I am grateful she sends secrets my way to. I am grateful for my car, the roof over my head, and all the ways in which God continues to bless me.
I am grateful for my mom and her art of being. Mom says, "Adriana why don't you go work at that restaurant where actresses get discovered by Producers?" Adriana says, "Sure mom and while I am at it I will get a time machine to go back to the decade when that happened." Mom proceeds to tell me what decade that was. I am grateful that after fifteen years in Los Angeles, countless acting jobs, two productions each with its own award, one being an International Award, I have learned that she will always see me from where she stands, in fear, and I don't have to take on that fear. I am grateful that she cares so much about me she thinks I should do things her way. I am grateful she loves me enough to remind me of how I should do things almost every other day. I am grateful that God chose her to be one of my greatest teachers and I am hopeful that one day she will look at me and love me just the way I am. Successful, a failure, hopeful, hopeless, rich, penniless, that whatever day she catches me on she will look beyond what is visible to the eye and see my heart and soul and trust God's got me. I am hopeful! I am grateful that I hold all the faith in the world that one day as she holds my child in her arms and we sit side by side I will look her in the eyes and say I now get it in ways I couldn't before and thank you for caring so much. I am grateful that she was able, dispite all she endured as a child, to stay and raise the kids she longed for. I am grateful she was able to be a mom.
Should I go on? See short isn't really my thing, which brings me to being grateful to all who make it through my emails. Wait grateful to those who actually like getting my emails. ;-) I am grateful that regardless of how many detours I am faced with I don't loose my sense of humor mentioning to those who I happen to be conversing with that apparently God and I need to get our watches synced because we are on different times. God's time usually wins out. That all knowing one. I am grateful I never loose my faith in God, tested- yes, lost- no, simply because I know God doesn't loose it's faith in me, which I know of because of everything I am asked to step into. I am grateful God trusts me but like Mother Teresa sometimes I wish God didn't trust me that much. ;-) I am grateful to have grown enough to respect other people's ideas of God and to be able to have my own understanding of God, LOVE. Grateful that even when I want to just say screw it for once and respond in ego I center myself in LOVE and send LOVE. I am grateful to have learned over the years that when someone comes after me or attacks me all they are asking of me is to send them love. I am grateful that I am proud to be cheesy and a dork. A cheesy dork. I am beyond grateful for my friends and family and for all we get to grow through together.
Right now I am grateful for the arts! For my Faith 2011 mix, which is constantly playing on my ipod right now reminding me of all I have endured and am capable of enduring. Grateful for the timing of each song on it. They play in the following order.
Little Miss- As I drove back from one of my many walks with Mary Queen after my father and Neil's passings this played on the radio and as I heard its lyrics I heard my story but most of all I heard, "Oh Lord! You are loved!" Gently reminding me of that which fear sometimes tries to make me forget I AM LOVED! THAT IT IS ALRIGHT AND SOMETIMES YOU DO HAVE TO LOOSE UNTIL YOU WIN!
Rescue- Sitting in a friend's living room I heard this song for the first time. The first verse was all it took for tears to come streaming down my face as he sang ever so kindly reminding me that someone(s) is looking out for me. That someone beyond what I can see is rescuing me. In his lyrics I found acceptance for something I had always fought, being rescued i.e. being cared for. It allowed me to accept being rescued because it explained it in such a way that it made me realize I don't have to be that strong independent woman all the time exclaiming that "I am not a damsel in distress up in some castle tower needing to be rescued, I got it." In its lyrics I realized all that was being said was I got you when you are down I got you and as time continues to be a wheel in constant motion it brings about the knowledge in the most magical of ways that I am being rescued and that I can accept it and perhaps someday even embrace someone/something caring for me that much.
Some people enjoy this version. "People need to be seen, I see you. When you are down on your luck you know what I will do. I see you, I know you, I hear you, I am you. Here I come. Here I come. I am coming to your rescue."
Some, yours truly, ;-) enjoy this one. "People need to be seen, I see you. When you are down on your luck you know what I will do. I see you, I know you, I hear you, I love you. Here I come. Here I come. I am coming to your rescue." Thank you Neil and Dad. You know why.
The light- Its timing as always impeccable as life was just showing me his light. Him of who I do not speak of often, whose light I am finding I am very protective of and him who is about as unique as they come yet when I look into his eyes I see me. There's only one lyric I am not a fan of so when I sing along I sing "Who I was without you I AM SO PROUD of. That it won't all come tumbling down...lalala." Hopeful like me. ;-) The light reminded me that within that hurricane that life on life's terms provided me with would come something so bright it would shine brigther than the sun and he does. Flaws and all because his essence is where its at.
"Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun. Nothing better than this. Ooh and then the storm can come. You feel just like the sun. Just like the sun."
Firework- In a few weeks it will be a year since I started hearing this song. It came into my life after Neil's passing and as I watched the video I got the message. No matter what came my way eventually as I worked my way through it I would someday be a firework again and my colors, which seemed to be fading would return. They have and on days when I feel like I need a reminder that we are all in this together I sing along and shine brighter and brighter.
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting to the wind wanting to start again? Do you ever feel so paper thin like a house of cards one blow from caving in...you just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just OWN the night like the fourth of July."
Strip Me- Awww last but not least the song that reminds me that you can strip me of everything but you can't strip me of my voice. I won't allow it. It is a choice I make to not be silenced by others fears like this current news that recently came is attempting to do. Fear can make people believe a lot of things. Few things anger me like injustice to anyone, a stranger, a friend, myself, does. I can't stand by and watch it. This song reminds me of all I have endured work wise and all I am capable of including letting go when I am being threatened and leaving everything in God's hands.
"Everyday I fight for all my future somethings. A thousand little wars I have to choose between. I could spend a lifetime earning things that I don't need but that's like chasing rainbows and coming home empty. If you strip me, strip it all away. If you strip me, strip it all away what would you find? Strip me, strip it all away I WILL BE ALRIGHT! Take what you want. Steal my pride, build me up or cut me down to size, shut me out but I will just scream. I AM ONLY ONE VOICE IN A MILLION BUT YOU AIN'T TAKING THAT FROM ME!!!!" ;-)
This art called music allows me to heal in ways these artist may never know about. They may never know how crucial this mix can be on my constantly detoured path and for them, their inspiration, and ability to follow their heart I am beyond grateful.
I am grateful that when fear comes knocking on my door in the disguise of threat from someone I care about I know well enough that they are in fear and unable to accept what is taking their what they wish was and imposing it upon me by informing me of all the mistakes I've made and the missed opportunities. While I don't take well to being bullied by anyone especially when someone believes my fate is in their hands instead of God's I have to return to my source. Trust me when I say if there was ever a time when my patience and ability to be centered in God (LOVE) is tested it's when someone pushes me to a corner and tries to make me believe they hold my fate in their hands. I am grateful that I've met this fear before and it has yet to win out and it knows it too so why even bother. I am grateful that I can send that person love and hope they embrace that instead of the apparent fear. Most of all I am grateful for the knowledge one simple scene in one great work of art bestowed upon me. The knowledge that I too can command the wind but there is no need to strip anything or anyone bare. I am simply as powerful as you and you are as powerful as me. Yet everyday as best as I can I use that power to connect to LOVE and come from that place. :50 seconds ;-) "We do have the chance at LOVE!"
"When the storm breaks some are dumb with terror. Some spread their wings and soar." I wish you far more days of soaring with great love being the wind that uplifts your wings and patience for the days that seem to make it hard to fly. I believe in you, me, life and most of all miracles. Miracles that provide a beauty like no other. A beauty far beyond what we imagine! A beauty that as they say, "Put our dreams to shame. As it is a gift from God." Or whatever/whomever you believe in. I believe in fairytale endings. I believe in enduring the unknown and its darkness to get to this ending. Most of all I believe in choosing LOVE. I believe in being grateful for every minute of everyday that life presents me with giving me the opportunity to grow my way into LOVE. May LOVE guide you and may you find gratitude within your beautiful mess I call life on life's terms trusting that there is BEAUTY in the detours the unknown brings. May you grow in patience and allow life to bestow its magical miracles upon you!!!
I am grateful for my eyes which upon opening this morning were able to see all the beauty that surrounds me from all the blessings within my home to all the ones that awaited me just outside my door. I am grateful for the fighting soul I was blessed with which has taught me when to keep up the good fight and when to let go and trust in God and the universe. I am grateful for senses, all of them, the ones that let me take in the smells of the planet to the one which with no true logical explanation will come in and share news with me of what is yet to come asking me to trust beyond what I can see or what others have the capacity to believe in. I am grateful for my toes who kept up with me as best as possible in dance class even though they were in some pain. I am grateful they allowed me to feed my soul. I am grateful for my dance teacher and every student in there learning and teaching me about the art of being present in one's own rhythm dancing to a beat all our own.
I am grateful for you taking time out of your precious day to read this. I am grateful for my fingers that are typing this at this very moment. I am grateful for Cienna's smile who in four months of existence has made me smile on a weekly basis and reminded me of what is yet to come for me. I am grateful for her momma Danielle who is tirelessly putting together a very late surprise wedding gift for some friends after someone else was unable to be their word. I am grateful for her ability to learn how to do it but most of all I am grateful for her listening ears which are invaluable! Oh the secrets they keep. I am grateful she sends secrets my way to. I am grateful for my car, the roof over my head, and all the ways in which God continues to bless me.
I am grateful for my mom and her art of being. Mom says, "Adriana why don't you go work at that restaurant where actresses get discovered by Producers?" Adriana says, "Sure mom and while I am at it I will get a time machine to go back to the decade when that happened." Mom proceeds to tell me what decade that was. I am grateful that after fifteen years in Los Angeles, countless acting jobs, two productions each with its own award, one being an International Award, I have learned that she will always see me from where she stands, in fear, and I don't have to take on that fear. I am grateful that she cares so much about me she thinks I should do things her way. I am grateful she loves me enough to remind me of how I should do things almost every other day. I am grateful that God chose her to be one of my greatest teachers and I am hopeful that one day she will look at me and love me just the way I am. Successful, a failure, hopeful, hopeless, rich, penniless, that whatever day she catches me on she will look beyond what is visible to the eye and see my heart and soul and trust God's got me. I am hopeful! I am grateful that I hold all the faith in the world that one day as she holds my child in her arms and we sit side by side I will look her in the eyes and say I now get it in ways I couldn't before and thank you for caring so much. I am grateful that she was able, dispite all she endured as a child, to stay and raise the kids she longed for. I am grateful she was able to be a mom.
Should I go on? See short isn't really my thing, which brings me to being grateful to all who make it through my emails. Wait grateful to those who actually like getting my emails. ;-) I am grateful that regardless of how many detours I am faced with I don't loose my sense of humor mentioning to those who I happen to be conversing with that apparently God and I need to get our watches synced because we are on different times. God's time usually wins out. That all knowing one. I am grateful I never loose my faith in God, tested- yes, lost- no, simply because I know God doesn't loose it's faith in me, which I know of because of everything I am asked to step into. I am grateful God trusts me but like Mother Teresa sometimes I wish God didn't trust me that much. ;-) I am grateful to have grown enough to respect other people's ideas of God and to be able to have my own understanding of God, LOVE. Grateful that even when I want to just say screw it for once and respond in ego I center myself in LOVE and send LOVE. I am grateful to have learned over the years that when someone comes after me or attacks me all they are asking of me is to send them love. I am grateful that I am proud to be cheesy and a dork. A cheesy dork. I am beyond grateful for my friends and family and for all we get to grow through together.
Right now I am grateful for the arts! For my Faith 2011 mix, which is constantly playing on my ipod right now reminding me of all I have endured and am capable of enduring. Grateful for the timing of each song on it. They play in the following order.
Little Miss- As I drove back from one of my many walks with Mary Queen after my father and Neil's passings this played on the radio and as I heard its lyrics I heard my story but most of all I heard, "Oh Lord! You are loved!" Gently reminding me of that which fear sometimes tries to make me forget I AM LOVED! THAT IT IS ALRIGHT AND SOMETIMES YOU DO HAVE TO LOOSE UNTIL YOU WIN!
Rescue- Sitting in a friend's living room I heard this song for the first time. The first verse was all it took for tears to come streaming down my face as he sang ever so kindly reminding me that someone(s) is looking out for me. That someone beyond what I can see is rescuing me. In his lyrics I found acceptance for something I had always fought, being rescued i.e. being cared for. It allowed me to accept being rescued because it explained it in such a way that it made me realize I don't have to be that strong independent woman all the time exclaiming that "I am not a damsel in distress up in some castle tower needing to be rescued, I got it." In its lyrics I realized all that was being said was I got you when you are down I got you and as time continues to be a wheel in constant motion it brings about the knowledge in the most magical of ways that I am being rescued and that I can accept it and perhaps someday even embrace someone/something caring for me that much.
Some people enjoy this version. "People need to be seen, I see you. When you are down on your luck you know what I will do. I see you, I know you, I hear you, I am you. Here I come. Here I come. I am coming to your rescue."
Some, yours truly, ;-) enjoy this one. "People need to be seen, I see you. When you are down on your luck you know what I will do. I see you, I know you, I hear you, I love you. Here I come. Here I come. I am coming to your rescue." Thank you Neil and Dad. You know why.
The light- Its timing as always impeccable as life was just showing me his light. Him of who I do not speak of often, whose light I am finding I am very protective of and him who is about as unique as they come yet when I look into his eyes I see me. There's only one lyric I am not a fan of so when I sing along I sing "Who I was without you I AM SO PROUD of. That it won't all come tumbling down...lalala." Hopeful like me. ;-) The light reminded me that within that hurricane that life on life's terms provided me with would come something so bright it would shine brigther than the sun and he does. Flaws and all because his essence is where its at.
"Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun. Nothing better than this. Ooh and then the storm can come. You feel just like the sun. Just like the sun."
Firework- In a few weeks it will be a year since I started hearing this song. It came into my life after Neil's passing and as I watched the video I got the message. No matter what came my way eventually as I worked my way through it I would someday be a firework again and my colors, which seemed to be fading would return. They have and on days when I feel like I need a reminder that we are all in this together I sing along and shine brighter and brighter.
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting to the wind wanting to start again? Do you ever feel so paper thin like a house of cards one blow from caving in...you just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just OWN the night like the fourth of July."
Strip Me- Awww last but not least the song that reminds me that you can strip me of everything but you can't strip me of my voice. I won't allow it. It is a choice I make to not be silenced by others fears like this current news that recently came is attempting to do. Fear can make people believe a lot of things. Few things anger me like injustice to anyone, a stranger, a friend, myself, does. I can't stand by and watch it. This song reminds me of all I have endured work wise and all I am capable of including letting go when I am being threatened and leaving everything in God's hands.
"Everyday I fight for all my future somethings. A thousand little wars I have to choose between. I could spend a lifetime earning things that I don't need but that's like chasing rainbows and coming home empty. If you strip me, strip it all away. If you strip me, strip it all away what would you find? Strip me, strip it all away I WILL BE ALRIGHT! Take what you want. Steal my pride, build me up or cut me down to size, shut me out but I will just scream. I AM ONLY ONE VOICE IN A MILLION BUT YOU AIN'T TAKING THAT FROM ME!!!!" ;-)
This art called music allows me to heal in ways these artist may never know about. They may never know how crucial this mix can be on my constantly detoured path and for them, their inspiration, and ability to follow their heart I am beyond grateful.
I am grateful that when fear comes knocking on my door in the disguise of threat from someone I care about I know well enough that they are in fear and unable to accept what is taking their what they wish was and imposing it upon me by informing me of all the mistakes I've made and the missed opportunities. While I don't take well to being bullied by anyone especially when someone believes my fate is in their hands instead of God's I have to return to my source. Trust me when I say if there was ever a time when my patience and ability to be centered in God (LOVE) is tested it's when someone pushes me to a corner and tries to make me believe they hold my fate in their hands. I am grateful that I've met this fear before and it has yet to win out and it knows it too so why even bother. I am grateful that I can send that person love and hope they embrace that instead of the apparent fear. Most of all I am grateful for the knowledge one simple scene in one great work of art bestowed upon me. The knowledge that I too can command the wind but there is no need to strip anything or anyone bare. I am simply as powerful as you and you are as powerful as me. Yet everyday as best as I can I use that power to connect to LOVE and come from that place. :50 seconds ;-) "We do have the chance at LOVE!"
"When the storm breaks some are dumb with terror. Some spread their wings and soar." I wish you far more days of soaring with great love being the wind that uplifts your wings and patience for the days that seem to make it hard to fly. I believe in you, me, life and most of all miracles. Miracles that provide a beauty like no other. A beauty far beyond what we imagine! A beauty that as they say, "Put our dreams to shame. As it is a gift from God." Or whatever/whomever you believe in. I believe in fairytale endings. I believe in enduring the unknown and its darkness to get to this ending. Most of all I believe in choosing LOVE. I believe in being grateful for every minute of everyday that life presents me with giving me the opportunity to grow my way into LOVE. May LOVE guide you and may you find gratitude within your beautiful mess I call life on life's terms trusting that there is BEAUTY in the detours the unknown brings. May you grow in patience and allow life to bestow its magical miracles upon you!!!
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