I believe in miracles and....

looking at adversity through the eyes of gratitude. When things don't turn out as I envisioned and I am detoured yet again my instinct is stop and make a list of all of the things I am grateful for in that very moment. Simply because fear is trying to replace my true passion, LOVE, with itself and I can get back to LOVE by facing that fear if I just stop and BE GRATEFUL. So today I am dealing with news I got a few days ago, which I was not expecting but didn't fight instead I made a list. It can be really long so I'll keep it short. Me short? I will try! Okay, fine who am I kidding. ;-)

I am grateful for my eyes which upon opening this morning were able to see all the beauty that surrounds me from all the blessings within my home to all the ones that awaited me just outside my door. I am grateful for the fighting soul I was blessed with which has taught me when to keep up the good fight and when to let go and trust in God and the universe. I am grateful for senses, all of them, the ones that let me take in the smells of the planet to the one which with no true logical explanation will come in and share news with me of what is yet to come asking me to trust beyond what I can see or what others have the capacity to believe in. I am grateful for my toes who kept up with me as best as possible in dance class even though they were in some pain. I am grateful they allowed me to feed my soul. I am grateful for my dance teacher and every student in there learning and teaching me about the art of being present in one's own rhythm dancing to a beat all our own.

I am grateful for you taking time out of your precious day to read this. I am grateful for my fingers that are typing this at this very moment. I am grateful for Cienna's smile who in four months of existence has made me smile on a weekly basis and reminded me of what is yet to come for me. I am grateful for her momma Danielle who is tirelessly putting together a very late surprise wedding gift for some friends after someone else was unable to be their word. I am grateful for her ability to learn how to do it but most of all I am grateful for her listening ears which are invaluable! Oh the secrets they keep. I am grateful she sends secrets my way to. I am grateful for my car, the roof over my head, and all the ways in which God continues to bless me.

I am grateful for my mom and her art of being. Mom says, "Adriana why don't you go work at that restaurant where actresses get discovered by Producers?" Adriana says, "Sure mom and while I am at it I will get a time machine to go back to the decade when that happened." Mom proceeds to tell me what decade that was. I am grateful that after fifteen years in Los Angeles, countless acting jobs, two productions each with its own award, one being an International Award, I have learned that she will always see me from where she stands, in fear, and I don't have to take on that fear. I am grateful that she cares so much about me she thinks I should do things her way. I am grateful she loves me enough to remind me of how I should do things almost every other day. I am grateful that God chose her to be one of my greatest teachers and I am hopeful that one day she will look at me and love me just the way I am. Successful, a failure, hopeful, hopeless, rich, penniless, that whatever day she catches me on she will look beyond what is visible to the eye and see my heart and soul and trust God's got me. I am hopeful! I am grateful that I hold all the faith in the world that one day as she holds my child in her arms and we sit side by side I will look her in the eyes and say I now get it in ways I couldn't before and thank you for caring so much. I am grateful that she was able, dispite all she endured as a child, to stay and raise the kids she longed for. I am grateful she was able to be a mom.

Should I go on? See short isn't really my thing, which brings me to being grateful to all who make it through my emails. Wait grateful to those who actually like getting my emails. ;-) I am grateful that regardless of how many detours I am faced with I don't loose my sense of humor mentioning to those who I happen to be conversing with that apparently God and I need to get our watches synced because we are on different times. God's time usually wins out. That all knowing one. I am grateful I never loose my faith in God, tested- yes, lost- no, simply because I know God doesn't loose it's faith in me, which I know of because of everything I am asked to step into. I am grateful God trusts me but like Mother Teresa sometimes I wish God didn't trust me that much. ;-) I am grateful to have grown enough to respect other people's ideas of God and to be able to have my own understanding of God, LOVE. Grateful that even when I want to just say screw it for once and respond in ego I center myself in LOVE and send LOVE. I am grateful to have learned over the years that when someone comes after me or attacks me all they are asking of me is to send them love. I am grateful that I am proud to be cheesy and a dork. A cheesy dork. I am beyond grateful for my friends and family and for all we get to grow through together.

Right now I am grateful for the arts! For my Faith 2011 mix, which is constantly playing on my ipod right now reminding me of all I have endured and am capable of enduring. Grateful for the timing of each song on it. They play in the following order.
Little Miss- As I drove back from one of my many walks with Mary Queen after my father and Neil's passings this played on the radio and as I heard its lyrics I heard my story but most of all I heard, "Oh Lord! You are loved!" Gently reminding me of that which fear sometimes tries to make me forget I AM LOVED! THAT IT IS ALRIGHT AND SOMETIMES YOU DO HAVE TO LOOSE UNTIL YOU WIN!


Rescue- Sitting in a friend's living room I heard this song for the first time. The first verse was all it took for tears to come streaming down my face as he sang ever so kindly reminding me that someone(s) is looking out for me. That someone beyond what I can see is rescuing me. In his lyrics I found acceptance for something I had always fought, being rescued i.e. being cared for. It allowed me to accept being rescued because it explained it in such a way that it made me realize I don't have to be that strong independent woman all the time exclaiming that "I am not a damsel in distress up in some castle tower needing to be rescued, I got it." In its lyrics I realized all that was being said was I got you when you are down I got you and as time continues to be a wheel in constant motion it brings about the knowledge in the most magical of ways that I am being rescued and that I can accept it and perhaps someday even embrace someone/something caring for me that much.
Some people enjoy this version. "People need to be seen, I see you. When you are down on your luck you know what I will do. I see you, I know you, I hear you, I am you. Here I come. Here I come. I am coming to your rescue."

Some, yours truly, ;-) enjoy this one. "People need to be seen, I see you. When you are down on your luck you know what I will do. I see you, I know you, I hear you, I love you. Here I come. Here I come. I am coming to your rescue." Thank you Neil and Dad. You know why.


The light- Its timing as always impeccable as life was just showing me his light. Him of who I do not speak of often, whose light I am finding I am very protective of and him who is about as unique as they come yet when I look into his eyes I see me. There's only one lyric I am not a fan of so when I sing along I sing "Who I was without you I AM SO PROUD of. That it won't all come tumbling down...lalala." Hopeful like me. ;-) The light reminded me that within that hurricane that life on life's terms provided me with would come something so bright it would shine brigther than the sun and he does. Flaws and all because his essence is where its at.
"Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun. Nothing better than this. Ooh and then the storm can come. You feel just like the sun. Just like the sun."


Firework- In a few weeks it will be a year since I started hearing this song. It came into my life after Neil's passing and as I watched the video I got the message. No matter what came my way eventually as I worked my way through it I would someday be a firework again and my colors, which seemed to be fading would return. They have and on days when I feel like I need a reminder that we are all in this together I sing along and shine brighter and brighter.
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting to the wind wanting to start again? Do you ever feel so paper thin like a house of cards one blow from caving in...you just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just OWN the night like the fourth of July."


Strip Me- Awww last but not least the song that reminds me that you can strip me of everything but you can't strip me of my voice. I won't allow it. It is a choice I make to not be silenced by others fears like this current news that recently came is attempting to do. Fear can make people believe a lot of things. Few things anger me like injustice to anyone, a stranger, a friend, myself, does. I can't stand by and watch it. This song reminds me of all I have endured work wise and all I am capable of including letting go when I am being threatened and leaving everything in God's hands.
"Everyday I fight for all my future somethings. A thousand little wars I have to choose between. I could spend a lifetime earning things that I don't need but that's like chasing rainbows and coming home empty. If you strip me, strip it all away. If you strip me, strip it all away what would you find? Strip me, strip it all away I WILL BE ALRIGHT! Take what you want. Steal my pride, build me up or cut me down to size, shut me out but I will just scream. I AM ONLY ONE VOICE IN A MILLION BUT YOU AIN'T TAKING THAT FROM ME!!!!" ;-)


This art called music allows me to heal in ways these artist may never know about. They may never know how crucial this mix can be on my constantly detoured path and for them, their inspiration, and ability to follow their heart I am beyond grateful.

I am grateful that when fear comes knocking on my door in the disguise of threat from someone I care about I know well enough that they are in fear and unable to accept what is taking their what they wish was and imposing it upon me by informing me of all the mistakes I've made and the missed opportunities. While I don't take well to being bullied by anyone especially when someone believes my fate is in their hands instead of God's I have to return to my source. Trust me when I say if there was ever a time when my patience and ability to be centered in God (LOVE) is tested it's when someone pushes me to a corner and tries to make me believe they hold my fate in their hands. I am grateful that I've met this fear before and it has yet to win out and it knows it too so why even bother. I am grateful that I can send that person love and hope they embrace that instead of the apparent fear. Most of all I am grateful for the knowledge one simple scene in one great work of art bestowed upon me. The knowledge that I too can command the wind but there is no need to strip anything or anyone bare. I am simply as powerful as you and you are as powerful as me. Yet everyday as best as I can I use that power to connect to LOVE and come from that place. :50 seconds ;-) "We do have the chance at LOVE!"


"When the storm breaks some are dumb with terror. Some spread their wings and soar." I wish you far more days of soaring with great love being the wind that uplifts your wings and patience for the days that seem to make it hard to fly. I believe in you, me, life and most of all miracles. Miracles that provide a beauty like no other. A beauty far beyond what we imagine! A beauty that as they say, "Put our dreams to shame. As it is a gift from God." Or whatever/whomever you believe in. I believe in fairytale endings. I believe in enduring the unknown and its darkness to get to this ending. Most of all I believe in choosing LOVE. I believe in being grateful for every minute of everyday that life presents me with giving me the opportunity to grow my way into LOVE. May LOVE guide you and may you find gratitude within your beautiful mess I call life on life's terms trusting that there is BEAUTY in the detours the unknown brings. May you grow in patience and allow life to bestow its magical miracles upon you!!!