The falling of the leaves.

Lately on my runs I have been very aware of the leaves falling and yesterday as I visited the botanical gardens for some relaxation it became very clear that the seasons are changing. It feels like I just arrived in Austin to inferno like heat and now the winds of change have brought a morning breeze with them on my runs. Something I welcome very much. It is common for people to think that this breeze gently takes the leaves with them. Upon watching them fall around me and on me I did some research. It turns out that in order for a tree to survive the leaves must go otherwise at some point they freeze and can no longer provide the tree with the nutrients it needs in order to survive. It turns out these leaves have scissors on them that can be seen with a microscope, which they use to let go. This is my interpretation of what I read in simplest terms. ;-) It got me thinking me because I kept feeling on my runs and walk at botanical garden like God and the universe were using them to tell me something. On my walk through the gardens en route to the butterfly garden it hit me. My leaves are falling so new nutrients can come in and nourish me in the present. No need for the old leaves as they are part of my past. Hence if I don't cut them loose and let them go I won't be able to nourish myself in the present with all the nutrients it has to offer. If I keep those leaves they will freeze and freeze me with them. In simplest terms if I want to grow I MUST LET GO. I had a vision on my run of old leaves attached to me weighing me down and as I progressed and picked up speed I let them go. I must admit it also came with a F-U fear as I finished the run. You see I've had a lot of nervous energy this week and I have made myself stay in it doing things to work my way through it like the walk I took where this blog was written in the butterfly garden. Trying hard to decipher things has caused my nervous energy and on my walk I was reminded to trust. Above all trust the process and the plan. Don't try to understand everything just know that everything does and will eventually make sense. Most of all trust God has my back. Which brings me to this, I must trust that cutting off the leaves of the past will bring to fruition, on God's time, leaves with all the nutrients necessary for me to face the present. I must let 2011 and all its gifts go so that I can see all 2012 has gifted me. So I can allow the new leaves to settle in and feed me their love. And if I let go, open my heart so my eyes can see, clearly already the gifts are amazing!!! It's hard to say goodbye to Neil and my father. I have done it repeatedly always afraid that somehow I will forget them but yesterday it really hit me. They gave me Austin, they gave me the faith to keep dancing and I believe they still continue to root for me and want what is best for me. I whole heartedly believe my father can now do what he never could while he was alive and has done so. But it's time. It's time to cut the leaves, see them fly away and let new leaves be born. I need nutrients for the present. So just for today I will take it easy on myself as I cut away and await the new leaves. I will leave all thoughts of the 2011 leaves for the edit bay and feed my soul from what life is gifting now. It really is the taste of sweet American Honey I am fed now and I want to fully take it in. In my heart I know it's just the beginning for this autumn tree blooming in its new home. I won't waste time worrying if the new leaves will be able to feed me like the past ones have. I will just trust they will and that they will be the remedy in this new season of my life being brought into fruition by this beautiful fall that is dancing its way into my life. P.S. at 3:39 I encourage you to belt it with conviction. Fear isn't very fond of conviction. ;-)