Expecting the unexpected.

For the past few years and prior to moving to Austin life began to lead me down a detoured path where the unexpected became my life. All these things that happened at once were preparing me for a life I could never have imagined. I always felt more at home in Texas than California but after sixteen years as a California girl God knew it would take drastic measures to help me take that leap of faith and jump in an Entirely New Direction putting an END to what was so what is could arrive. So in a matter of months I lost my home, commercial job, film project of two years and my birth father and a dear friend. Somethings are life cycles ending and others are kicks in the butt asking me to listen to the whispers of the universe whose winds desired I find a new direction in them. I was blown down so all could be rebuilt in a city that now holds more meaning than I ever dreamt. Until I met Travis, my fiance, I have known very few men of character and certainly none like him with an ability to show up to every scenario thrown his way with an open heart, choosing to be present and face the circumstance. I am the daughter of a con artist so all I had known were packed bags by a front door ready to make their way out leaving everything behind including young innocent lives as unwilling victims to his choices. I dove into therapy and spent a lot of years there trying to heal the baggage left behind with the exiting of the suitcases by the front door. I had a pattern as most humans tend to develop overtime, conscious or unconscious. I was an independent woman who could handle it all. I made sure I was self sufficient so I did not need to rely on anyone. After all at an early age, he left when I was seven, I learned not to rely on men. This pattern would not allow anyone in the way it did until now because as usual things, in my view of the world, are always on God's time. That gravity pull and those winds that were blowing me in a different direction I whole heartily believe were my two boys wanting to meet their destiny. In all my years of desiring a family, a solid foundation to call home, I never really saw more than the eyes of a girl. Perhaps in her I hoped I could heal by giving her a father unlike the one I had. What I could have never imagined was that Austin would bring me one of the biggest gifts of my life. An opportunity to guide a man of honor, character and his own beauty. When Travis, my mom, step dad and I made our way to my doctor's office this week after a long patient five months, I was filled with impatience. By the time I made my way into the sonogram room and I was told gender reveal test would be last and then asked if I wanted it then. I said, "YES!" I couldn't wait another minute to see who exactly Travis and I had consciously created and were preparing to welcome into this world. When it was revealed there was definitely no doubt in my mind, it was a boy. Like the sonogram tech said "your baby is not shy". The eyes of the girl were gone and in an instant became the eyes of a boy. One boy had already changed my life and now another was sent to do the same. After all I have lived it would be very silly of me not to know that everything has a reason. No matter what the transition from what I thought was to what is brings. As I sat across from my mom in my home I told her what my heart felt. How never having known a man of honor or character to raise me had led me here. To not just one who held my hand by my side but now together we would help guide a man of honor and character. While fear can creep in revealing itself in the memories of the past I know what was gave way to what is and this is a new soul I have been gifted the privilege of guiding. My two boys! God had a plan that one day all I had lived would give way to a life where understanding would allow me to embrace what a gift it is to bring a man into the world. Her eyes aren't gone but when her dad and I are in the next lifetime I have a feeling this young man whose name belongs to the city that gave me the greatest destiny, Austin, will be watching over Patience. This I know because it's all in the eyes of my boys. A new day has come and with it came the most magical unexpected! A new life begins, literally. ;-) And perhaps just perhaps all this is a gift from a man in another realm who always knew who he couldn't be.