Dearest Darkness,

"You think you got the best of me. You think you got the last laugh. Bet you think that everything good is gone. Think you left me broken down. Think that I'd come running back.
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong." "You didn't think that I'd come back. I'd come back swinging." I'd hate to admit it but for a while you had me doubting not if I'd come back but just how powerful my swing could be and if I could stop telling myself the story of last year, other than in the edit bay for the documentary, and LIVE in the now, life AFTER loss.

As you witnessed this morning I finally deciphered the signs! Yet again I feel like I am dreaming just like I did the first time GLAMOUR called me to tell me I was a finalist for the Toyota Moving Forward Award. The same way I felt again when I saw my name just as I had envisioned for months as it appeared when I was named the winner of Paulo Coelh's The Experimental Witch International Film Competition. And of course the way I felt as I was getting ready to walk the red carpet in Rome with Paulo Coelho at our film's premiere and I looked up and said to God, "You, you did it again." And well God did it again and you dearest darkness have got to go.

It's time to watch the storm clouds that descend with your arrival, ascend with your departure and it's time to showcase the light the sun brings on God's time with this END (Entirely New Direction) and to welcome the new beginning I have deciphered the END of my documentary will birth. You have served your purpose and without you I wouldn't be able to call the miracle unfolding before my eyes a miracle, so THANK YOU for showing me the way back to my inner light and gifting me with the willingness to choose it over you.

As you know these past few days we met in the battlefield and you came heavily armed when I was most vulnerable, at night, and attacked. I would wake and remind you of my faith while I clutched my LOVE pillow tightly. The light aka God will let us both know it's got it and when I woke up today and deciphered the signs, lack of clarity did not afford me during your stay, I got what all the signs peaced (intended) together meant. It became very clear.

As it did I am sure to your dismay you heard the OMG!!!!, and witnessed my countless smile followed by my dance to magic. Yes this is the part of the relationship that is always hard to do but in my case easy to accept, it's time to part ways. Before we do I would like to say thank you for showing me once again, who I am, what I am made of, who I am not and just how much I can bend without breaking. Most of all how beautiful it is to arrive at this journey's destination, the sunshine conviction brings and watch the storm clouds of doubt become a thing of the past.

It's time once again to part ways so as I bid you farewell I thank you for teaching me how not to give up!

I thank you for teaching me how live beyond my fears!

Skateboarding with PRod for "And She Danced, Life after loss" from Adriana Garza on Vimeo.

And accept the magic that can only be born from learning that life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain. I've done that and NOW it's time to dance in the magic of "God's gifts putting dreams to shame." YOU know exactly what I mean.

"You're getting hot! Steaming hot! Really HOT!! Ouch, you're so hot! Smoking, red-hot-chili-pepper, volcano, extremely, DOUBLE-HOT! HOT! HOT! NOW, Adri, NOW-W-W-W-W-W-W!"

I $l%o^v1e you,
The Universe"

I've been signaled, I've got the magic in me! Time to reveal it.

Warm regards,
The light embodied in Adri

The lessons in falling.

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. I got to try something new that scared me immensely but given all I have lived this past year I know there isn't much I can't handle when it comes to overcoming fear. Sometimes it takes me longer than I would like but in that I learn patience. I don't just get patience magically, I am put in scenarios, which help me acquire it. It seems to be happening a lot lately. Yesterday I had to be really patient with myself and I was in awe of how patient my teacher was.

This young man once upon a time used to hold my hand and I would take him to get hot chocolate and skateboard in the neighborhood. He was eleven and I was nineteen. While he has an amazing mom I felt very protective of him like a mom would. Always making sure he wouldn't hurt himself or others. I could have never imagined that one day he would make a living at skateboarding professionally or that I would ask him to teach me how. Once upon a time I got on a skateboard and fell right off as it took off without me. I vowed never to get on one again. Same thing happened with skiing. I fell. Pretty hard. My brother played the ski right by me tough love game and yelled at me to get up. Needless to say I got up, made it down, and never skied again. That is why yesterday's lesson will remain with me forever in the best of ways.

I fell and I fell hard. The kind of falling that scares you and others. So much so that my teacher, PRod (as he goes by now), thought I wouldn't continue. However this time when I fell not only had I already fallen a lot in a lot of ways in the last year, my teacher got me back up with love. I laid there until I felt like I could move. Once I did I slowly got up and got back on the board. To be honest I kinda don't want to watch the playback of the fall. If it looks like how it felt it wasn't pretty. I am blessed to say the least. It has been years since I had fallen skiing and years since any sort of fear has paralyzed me and kept me from moving forward. So as everyone patiently waited I made my way back on the board and kept going at it for two more hours. I fell, got back up, rested, got frustrated, fell again, ran from the board as it chased me (which looks as funny as it sounds) and in the end I mastered the tricks Paulie, as I have called him since he was a kid, taught me.

It took effort and in the end I smelled of my conquered fear as I informed Paulie as he went to hug me for my accomplishments. He told me that after the fall, which took place right away, he didn't think I'd get back on the board and that I had done more than he expected. You are talking about someone who rode a skateboard for the first time in her life not only at thirty-five but a professional's skate park. Ramps and all. How far did I go and just what did I accomplish? Well for that you will have to see "And She Danced, Life after loss." I will tell you this, the entire experience was a metaphor for my life and especially my past year.

As Paulie told me "skateboarding is all about allowing your body to guide you not your mind", just as it is in dancing. If you get ahead of the tempo you will leave the board behind like I did or you will force yourself to lead instead of allowing your teacher to do so. Valuable lessons I have learned first hand. I did master the art of falling gracefully. I would have taught Paulie that but he would have needed to go backwards in his training. ;-) This is the same guidance I must listen to when it comes to life. Yes I will fall but if my heart is open to what my intuition is saying to me in the soft whispers that are stronger than the loud sounds of the negative committee (False Evidence Appearing Real) I will surely stand once again on time, God's time, armed with enough faith to feel the fear and do it anyway. I did it and I lived to tell about it. GRATEFUL I conquered the fear of falling! In that fall came the biggest lesson of all, standing is a choice I can make if I can truly trust beyond what I can see.



I chose not to see his work before skating with him, although his mom and dad have told me about it, as to not scare myself more. After I road with him and saw his videos tonight I can honestly say skateboarding is an art! I have so much respect for anyone who can just get on the board and stay on it. For me it was mostly about balance. Just like in my life. Please do not skate without protective gear. It saved my life. Enjoy PRod's amazing work!

The falls. ;-) "It's the experience paid by all the mistakes. It's the heart to get up and try again."

As for me I will keep going beyond the fear through the unknown and into the i'mpossible! I will keep dancing to the rhythm God and the universe provide me with in their beautiful piece written just for me, falls and all.

It's worth repeating that "what doesn't KILL you makes you STRONGER!"

From a place of simplicity grand things are born.

I am finally home again. I've been back in Los Angeles for two months now but had not slept in my own bed. The idea of crashing at my storage wasn't appealing. So I set out on a journey that took less than it felt to lead me to where I rest today but in that brief time brought amazing lessons.

There were definitely more moments of doubt than I would like to recall but they were outdone by the people who crossed my path to shed light on the darkness doubt carries. That which I allowed into my life and I grateful I did. Upon reflecting I can tell you that doubt's visits become shorter and shorter as I grown in and towards the light. In simple terms for me the light is love. It can show up in many ways and conditionally or unconditionally. Both are beautiful and for me it has become about being okay with which one I want to be surrounded with constantly.

I was having a conversation with someone and they said when you are creative and you aren't famous or rich you sacrifice things. I think that in actuality you understand things hold no true meaning of depth on this journey. Not for me at least. That is the biggest lesson I acquired in the past year. I thought I knew this clearly but it became more clear. I chose to downgrade apartment size and I now have one fourth of what I had. This means that a lot of things had to go.

Someone told me they were surprised at how easily I let it all go in December when I had to be out of my apartment. I may like things, I may want my place nicely decorated but nothing owns me. It's like my mom taught us growing up. It's not about the thing but about the person who owns the thing. Things being car, home, clothes etc. So when the time came to let go of most of my possessions I did. I had no problem. I stored only the basics and as I move into my new place more boxes sit by the front door waiting to be released.

Life has taught me to value my opinion the most and I am proud of myself for how I see all this. To me in order to get to grand things I must come from a place of simplicity where there is a genuine understanding that the home, car, job, and partner are not my happiness. That how I choose to live with or without those things and what I derive from them is up to me but happiness is my ability to be grateful for what is and not what I wish. I am grateful that my journey is about understanding this because now as grand things descend once more and I have grown, I will let them in and out of my life with ease knowing that when I seize to exist all that will matter will be the experiences I shared with you. Not the car I drove in, the job we worked together, the things we shared but simply the space we lived in while we crossed paths.

I am humbled, I am grateful, and once more as God and the universe know I am genuinely ready! Genuinely part is pretty big as I have learned and the spiritual path takes work. Work I am more than happy to oblige to. Here I grow again and as I do it's not hard for me to love you God and universe! Through each lesson, through each crossed path, through every synchronicity I see the love I feel and trust is there come to life. Grandness is in how we see things. I see you.