I am finally home again. I've been back in Los Angeles for two months now but had not slept in my own bed. The idea of crashing at my storage wasn't appealing. So I set out on a journey that took less than it felt to lead me to where I rest today but in that brief time brought amazing lessons.
There were definitely more moments of doubt than I would like to recall but they were outdone by the people who crossed my path to shed light on the darkness doubt carries. That which I allowed into my life and I grateful I did. Upon reflecting I can tell you that doubt's visits become shorter and shorter as I grown in and towards the light. In simple terms for me the light is love. It can show up in many ways and conditionally or unconditionally. Both are beautiful and for me it has become about being okay with which one I want to be surrounded with constantly.
I was having a conversation with someone and they said when you are creative and you aren't famous or rich you sacrifice things. I think that in actuality you understand things hold no true meaning of depth on this journey. Not for me at least. That is the biggest lesson I acquired in the past year. I thought I knew this clearly but it became more clear. I chose to downgrade apartment size and I now have one fourth of what I had. This means that a lot of things had to go.
Someone told me they were surprised at how easily I let it all go in December when I had to be out of my apartment. I may like things, I may want my place nicely decorated but nothing owns me. It's like my mom taught us growing up. It's not about the thing but about the person who owns the thing. Things being car, home, clothes etc. So when the time came to let go of most of my possessions I did. I had no problem. I stored only the basics and as I move into my new place more boxes sit by the front door waiting to be released.
Life has taught me to value my opinion the most and I am proud of myself for how I see all this. To me in order to get to grand things I must come from a place of simplicity where there is a genuine understanding that the home, car, job, and partner are not my happiness. That how I choose to live with or without those things and what I derive from them is up to me but happiness is my ability to be grateful for what is and not what I wish. I am grateful that my journey is about understanding this because now as grand things descend once more and I have grown, I will let them in and out of my life with ease knowing that when I seize to exist all that will matter will be the experiences I shared with you. Not the car I drove in, the job we worked together, the things we shared but simply the space we lived in while we crossed paths.
I am humbled, I am grateful, and once more as God and the universe know I am genuinely ready! Genuinely part is pretty big as I have learned and the spiritual path takes work. Work I am more than happy to oblige to. Here I grow again and as I do it's not hard for me to love you God and universe! Through each lesson, through each crossed path, through every synchronicity I see the love I feel and trust is there come to life. Grandness is in how we see things. I see you.
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