the art of being: Born a child of gratitude, grateful for an extremely humbling year.

The more time goes by the more I realize it is no coincidence I was born Thanksgiving weekend because what you don't know is that I arrived a month early but I believe I arrived right on time. My mom tells me she was terrified at how tiny I was and she would hold me so close to keep me warm because I was all shades of purple. Well mom now I'm almost thirty-four and all shades of red as I have a crush which I am grateful for as it is proof that my heart has healed from all the lessons of this past year and then some breathing life into me again! I am filled with the colors of love, life, hope and gratitude! ;-)

This past year has brought so many lessons with it and my heart has broken and healed repeatedly showing me how beautifully complex we are and how amazingly we can recover from anything if we choose to. I believe that in time depending on how we see things we can also have gratitude for life and its lessons. While I may not always agree or understand the expense of what it took for some of those lessons I still eventually without a doubt arrive into gratitude. I have come to realize it is how I was born. Thinking back on my life as thirty-four arrives on Monday I am able to see that no matter what has happened I have eventually been grateful for the journey and the lessons it brought. Most of all I am grateful for the people those lessons and roads less traveled have brought into my life.

I have met the man whose work I read for over ten years, which inspired me to keep up the good fight eventually collaborating creatively with him. The people who are going to make my next dream a reality have come into my life and become my "family". I have crossed paths with women who do anything to help my dream come to life and who selflessly give asking nothing in return. I have shared a road with a man, left that road and returned to it to find two adults able to be friends and support eachother. These days it feels like he is supporting my dream more than I am his but in time I know the tables will turn. I have walked all my years with six brothers and sisters, an amazing mom, and a lovely step dad. All have been great teachers and all have led me on the road I am on today whether they knew it or not. Life gave me the gift of knowing what it's like to have a man believe in you when no one else does. Even if some of that journey's timing felt incredibly off in many ways, in one particular way it's timing was perfect. This was the first man to not only support me and my dreams but show up and show his support for my work and because of that I am eternally grateful to know what having someone GENUINELY believe in you asking nothing in return is like. Especially in my industry. Someone who just wants to see you succeed and is rooting for you even if our time together was brief the impact of the journey is forever.

I have said before that perhaps the biggest risk I take in my life is believing in a God and its guidance. I believe in its existence not because I have been taught to but because what I have lived has taught me to. Everything that happens in my life, harsh or beautiful, eventually leads me to an understanding of how truly magical each day is if our eyes our open to it. How precious each breathe is and how wonderful life can be if we make it about more than just ourselves. If we share our journey and allow others to share theirs we see how connected we are and what a small world it really is and how powerful it is to be of service to others.

Perhaps that is one of the biggest lesson life has brought this past year. I have had to be the receiver instead of the giver and have had to allow others to be of service to me. Something I originally fought with my Sagitarrius fire and stubborness and a lesson so constant that it reminded me that resistence is persistence so eventually I left myself be taken care of by others. From colds to production stuff to bigger things friends and family have stepped in to be of service to me. For them and their giving hearts I am eternally grateful and I am grateful to myself and my stubborness for learning when to let go and let God. ;-)

If I listed everyone that has impacted my life in this past year or past thirty-four we would be here for a good ten blogs. They know who they are and they know what they have done and best of all they have expected nothing in return. Tomorrow I will visit one of them in a way I NEVER EVER could have expected to. The last time I saw him he was walking backwards out of Portos with a big smile on his face, holding a bag and saying thank you A. Tomorrow I will pay him a visit and tell him like I did when he was here how GRATEFUL I was to have crossed paths with him, after all it's the day of gratefulness. If God ever showed its face to me it was definitely by allowing me to cross paths with Neil. He set the bar high as he was such a man of character and I am honored to have known of the existence of such a man.

Dear friends, treasure every moment, forgive yourself and others often, hold yourself in the same respect and high regard you have for others and you will not allow others to belittle you, give and expect nothing in return, believe yourself powerful and unique because YOU ARE, and accept nothing is guaranteed and you will LIVE!LOVE-LOVE-LOVE no matter how hard it may seem somedays to believe you ever will again, believe me in due time or as I say right on time you will again. Most of all have no doubt that just because you can't see someone anymore doesn't mean they aren't with you. Next time that crazy coincidence happens to you, look up, look within, smile and be grateful as I believe your friend, lover, mother, father or whomever you have lost has just crossed paths with you again. They are protecting you now and forever! For that protection, you, life, every breath, the sun, the moon, the smell of decaf coffee, my christmas tree (that is already up), my family, my friends, every part of body, my journey and its lessons and the ability to have thirty- four years of all this I am GRATEFUL. For this humbling year I am grateful because I was born a child of gratitude.

May you allow life to show you how magical it truly is and may everything and everyone make you grateful to have crossed paths with them. May they inspire you to thank them like I did earlier to all those who had stood by me this past year, via email, with the song below. Most of all may you be grateful no matter your circumstances and not be a victim of them trusting that everything is leading you somewhere or to someone. "A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles”. Tim Cahill

Thank you God, family, friends, and everything in this magical universe that makes this sometimes challenging journey a beautiful mess! Thank you for the gift of life GOD and the universe!!! Thank you!!! Happy Thanksgiving everyday! If you open your eyes you will find something to be grateful for everyday. I am grateful for your eyes which you have leant to my blog and spent some time with my thoughts. I thank you!

A glimpse of the people I am grateful for. This is just of sample of the beautiful souls who make my journey magical!

Neil and Millie Lisk- a lot of people have questioned the character David in my film and why he is so almost perfect. Good guys exist and the inspiration of keeping him as he is written is Neil. Never doubt that men of character whose love for their family exceeds life's temptations, exist. Neil is proof! He here is with one of his two favorite ladies and the reason he worked so hard. Words can not express how much you are missed.

My mentor, confidant, supporter and forever friend Paul.

Good times in LA this year with one of my six siblings.

The woman who made my existence possible, my lovely mom, and me in one of my FAVORITE pictures!

A weekend of work turned out to be a weekend of words my soul needed to be fed with. Here with the two people who are responsible for them, Michael and Lisa. Having wardrobe fun!