I thought I knew....

I thought I knew what was important in life and that I abided by those beliefs. While I did, this year has taught me even more what truly matters. When Neil passed I remember sitting in my office and wanting to throw everything at the walls, thinking none of this matters. It was my anger wanting to express itself. That was just the beginning of this roller coaster past year and one of the toughest of my life yet also something that had to happen to allow me to arrive at my current destination, wide open spaces, the home of ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES. "Now she won't be coming back with the rest. If these are life's lessons she'll take this test."


What helped tremendously was music! Of one thing I am certain, I was born to dance. I hear music and that is the first thing my body guided by my soul is inclined to do. Music has tremendous healing power. It made 2011's constant detours danceable and as January started with the passing of my father it taught me that I can in due time GROW "A little bit stronger. Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger." Something February brought with it and it gave me the courage to return to therapy.


As March approached the sun began to make its way back into my life and as April brought its showers with it I was rescued in through the words of a friend and heard Neil and my dad once again.


And as the year proceeded to present me with amazing character building lessons I was reminded to breathe by more friends and their gifts which they shared with me, my film and the world.


It was in breathing that I gathered the strength to fly once more. Yet it was in the flying that I realized I wasn't quite ready to soar as I intended to. Perhaps to what needed attention was the direction of my flight. I learned the detour was to allow me to go in the direction of my dreams yet again. The ones that scare me because they are so GRAND yet the ones all these detours were obviously informing me it was time to LIVE!


While I took to resting once again I eventually rose from what I was returned to, my foundation. In words others tried to make me them with their projections and in and through LOVE I made the decision to rise even if I had to "against" the wind. I don't ever truly believe anything is against us. <3


And when I was brought down to my knees once again..."But there's just something so STRONG (God) somewhere inside me. I am down but I will get up again! I AM NOT TAKING MY BOW. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME."


Time brought with it the light, which shined brighter than the sun. It was the balsam of 2011, which always slowly yet powerfully shed light in the current darkness. "Who am I to tell FATE where its supposed to go?"


Eventually with patience, time and loving care I allowed my path to lead me to a place where the streets where unknown to me. My current destination where my heart breathes once more and a new era commences.


And as I arrived there I realized I was beginning to feel alive again after these constant detours because God was with me every step of the way! My constant companion whom I could never give up because I know He/She, lover of its creations, would NOT give up on me. It actually relied on me to get it, where the detours were guiding, so I could live the LIFE OF MY DREAMS and so the new chapter begins. I need not know what you are exactly! All I need to know is that I see you, feel you, hear you and I am you. Knowing that you are ALWAYS with me in one way or another, through a song, a "chance" encounter, a timely word, is all I need to rely on you. I see you in my heart everyday. You truly are magical! Unseen to the eye but seen to the OPEN heart.


It was that faith that allowed me to accept that I continue to grow only if I allow myself to falter and accept what is because it is in that acceptance some label defeat that I was able to allow God to raise me up to more than I can be! To what God not only has prepared me for but knows I deserve. The time has come to claim that new era. I hear you! Three times in a row, three different artists on Pandora reminding me you raise me up!


So with all these songs as my companions I leave 2011 and enter a new life where all I have dreamed of and more awaits. I walk away with immense gratitude for this partial list of healers and for their ability through their gift to allow me to give birth to mine. To allow me to let go of what I thought I knew and grow towards what I was created to gift the world with. To follow the detoured path to my DESTINY! Most of all I walk away with the greatest gift of all, finding "LOVE in a "hopeless" place"! May LOVE be your constant companion shedding light while you steer your way through the tunnels into the BRIGHTEST light of all, your DREAM becoming your REALITY! Let's dance in the rain!

Till we cross paths again your in God's hands. I love you. <3