And She Danced. Life after loss.

There are the dreams I hold in my heart and then there are the dreams God has in store for me, which come quickly into my life and unfold before my eyes. Quickly because it is born a lot faster than the ones I've kept for years but a dream that would not be born without detours and because of adversity. For years I wanted to do a documentary and held all the research and books in my office. What I didn't know is that the day would come when the documentary would be born but not on the subject matter I had researched. I found the files while I moved and boxed them up putting yet another dream away and into storage. However I kept the book I had read on documentaries with me. As I began to cross paths with people who shared similar stories of loss the dream God had intended for me began to become clear.

I was to tell a story but not the one I tried so hard for two years to tell from the heart of another. I was to tell the story that was born because I could not make that one work. I was to share my loss with others and in the process unite humanity once more through art. I am not ready to share all the details but I am ready to share the gratitude. You told me that until I respected the Bearer of the fruit I would do nothing original and would always seek the work of others as mine. You either denied yourself the truth or failed to do the research on my past work as my first production was something I conceived from an all too familiar detoured route reminiscent of this one which taught me that sometimes God has to push me off the cliff, in this case through loss, to allow me to see that my wings can spread farther than I dreamt and I can soar far beyond my imagination which was confined to bear fruit.

I have you to thank for the height of my soaring and the ability to find gratitude in all my loss and turn it into art. Perhaps if you hadn't told me all you did I wouldn't have allowed the detour and the road it led to, to unfold its magic before my eyes. I have a dream. A new one. One born perhaps not overnight but whose clear signs made it seem quick. Once understood I began to dance once more with God and the universe as I always intend to. I thank you for voicing your opinion on my work, the concerns about three actors not having credit and our dp not having any credits that you liked. I thank you for dissecting my work in such a way that allowed me to accept my worth and to know when to draw a boundary and walk away. I thank you most of all for allowing me to let go of the rhythm you desired I danced to. Therefore gifting me with the ability to take the loss of the film, my commercial, my home, Neil and my dad and allow myself the courage to dance in the rain because in that rain I discovered the dream God had intended for me. In the storm laid the answer to the what next I tried so hard for two years to make happen. In surrendering came the gift of returning to my foundation and learning once more to hear the music of my heart.

I lost my dad, Neil, my home, my Honda commercial, and the film all in a little over a year and yet I danced. I ventured into new territory where the steps I have always counted on to guide me to the tempo I memorized for years no longer worked. A new dance is being born. A dance so beautiful I can not wait till the time comes when the healing is not only seen by me and those involved but you too. I thank you for giving me the greatest gift of all while you tried to destroy me with your words, A VOICE. A voice so loud and clear it's the voice of many and so I DANCE!

This is where the road led and continues to unfold.


For now I must go and continue working on a dream. With all the love in the world sent your way I hope you are working on your dream too. Life is too short for anything else! Never forgetting these words, "I am the MASTER of my fate. I am the CAPTAIN of my soul, I partner with God and the universe once more to allow them to gift me with the courage to soldier on and dance my way into a life after loss that exceeds my expectations. I thank you for making me the woman I choose to be. Most of all I thank you for giving me my wings back and allowing me to fly towards my destiny.