I often wonder as I am sure some of you do about past lives and what we are here to do this time around to truly be of service not only to others and the planet but ourselves as well. I believe this is about not only healing others but yourself too. For me everyday it becomes more and more clear what I am to learn not only perhaps in this current journey brought upon by life changing circumstances but in my entire existence here, however long it may last. I know for sure that there are certain people I feel so connected to as if I'd known them before and some people so similar to me it feels like we were created from the same mold and sent on our way only to find ourselves here once more. Then there are the people who cross your path and for that moment are a stranger. In my case recently I've crossed paths with life changing strangers.
Exactly a month ago today I packed my bags and headed home for Texas. That day the journey began. Then I thought I knew what I was going to do. I was going to take thirty days and move away from Los Angeles. I was going to be close enough to come when I needed but far enough to heal the two deaths in the past year and loosing my home, commercial and film in one month. I tried to get to Cardiff by the Sea, Ventura and Encinitas. None of the renters were able to do a one month rental. What I wanted was about to exceeded yet again by where God needed me. Within a week I met the women who inspired "And She Danced". Crystal looked into my eyes the day I left all my important belongings at Bev's while I visited her coffee shop and asked "Do you believe in God?" I replied "Yes" and then began a conversation which started with her mentioning the light in my eyes. As we proceeded to speak I could clearly hear God. In that moment I thought nothing other than God is reaffirming my belief in its existence.
However when I crossed paths with a woman who would like to remain anonymous but who was one of the renters it became clear. Another "strangers" story too similar to mine. I began buying what I needed and listening to no one other than these two women, a few others and my gut. I heard people say, "do you have the right lighting?", "do you have a crew/audio/etc...." and all I heard was follow your heart. This can be told with passion. It made it easier to ignore the comments of what film school and other methods have told people is necessary to achieve a dream and further propelling them into the SOMEDAY phase simply because I had been here before and now it was time to trust with the tools I began to acquire six years ago when I did my first production.
My life is not only my teacher it is also my art. It's what gives birth to my productions and if I don't pay attention and follow signs I miss out. So no matter how hard some days are I put one foot in front of the other and head towards the life of my dreams as it SLOWLY but SURELY unfolds before my eyes. This current birthing of art was inspired by all the loss, these two women, the light and many others however everyday it is up to me to follow the inspiration. Some days I cry a lot. More than I'd like to because yet again I am sacrificing a lot and yet in those tears I find solace as I know that those tears are because I am gifted the strength to move forward. A gift I choose to open everyday as best as I can. Some days I just take the bow off but not the wrapping paper and on those days I allow myself to relax into the space where I need to be in that moment and so I cry some more.
Yesterday was one of those days and it was on my hike that I was reassured I am on the right path for me in ways that truly can only make sense to me. It is hard for me right now to talk to some people, which is why I have chosen to keep this current journey as close to my heart as possible. Love guides me there simply because what I want for myself I want for others, dreams unfolding before their eyes for them too. Though these days what some envisioned for me and what happened is nowhere near what they hoped for and so it is best for me to keep their worries at bay. I am grateful for the timing of many things which assure me of my path and guide me through the unknown. Calls like the one today from Crystal calling to see how I am coming along. Songs like the ones that accompany in my car lighting the dark roads of the California Highway. Who knew up north it got that narrow. Thank God I didn't or I wouldn't have gone. There are the fears I set out to do and then there are the fears I had no idea I would have to conquer.
I am grateful for the journey crossing paths with strangers has taken me on. Most of all I am grateful for the push I got when I lost three things in one month. I am learning just how ready I am to face circumstances beyond my control and for all the years of my life that have led me here I am grateful. The tools of circumstance are really the most amazing thing to have in reserve for moments like the ones I am living. Some days can be quite sad and full of emotions and I step into them knowing that as I do they are passing and time will bring the light once more. To these talented brothers below I say THANK YOU for lighting my way and helping me find solace in your words and voices. I know lady light is always with me. I know you help me stay above the ground through so many and in so many ways and for my awareness I am grateful!
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