Since becoming an Honorary Ambassador for UNICEF and the Los Angeles UNICEF Tap Project City Coordinator I spend a lot of time researching anything related to well UNICEF. I found out that both H&M and Gucci are partnered with UNICEF. The best part is that there is a great inexpensive way for you to support the H&M project which affects the planet and children in a positive way. For just $3.95 you can get the Sonia Rykiel for UNICEF & H&M 100% organic cotton reusable bag out today! So if fashion, taking care of the planet and its inhabitants is on your xmas list this year please follow the sign ;-) which will lead you to this I encourage you to use them as gift bags this xmas. Instead of rolls of paper or paper gifts bags please THINK about buying this bag! I will step off the podium now. Thank you for taking the time to read this. To find out more about the ALL FOR CHILDREN program visit All for Children and H&M and UNICEF work together
So join my friend Andi, who got hers today, and go get yours. ;-)
I am exhausted today but I did it to myself again. I thought I had conquered the balance of work and rest my body requires in order to function properly but today it finally caught up with me. I have been requesting that my body go go go since before I left for Rome over a month ago and of course the last minute car accident the week prior to the film festival put me into a bigger rush. So last night as we were winding down our UNICEF fundraiser location scouting day with Kirsten from the NY headquarters I knew it, the time had come to rest or pay the price again. Last time the price was a premature stress induced heartbeat because I refused to slow down. Almost two years after being diagnosed I know what I can do to myself if I don't listen to my body. I say I do it to myself because I am indeed responsible for EVERY choice I make. I am very aware of that. So today I chose to do as little work as possible and rest trusting that everything for the GLAMOUR Holiday party Friday will be ready on time, God's time, if I allow it to be.
As I sat wrapped comfortably in my blanket on my couch in my cozy home I turned on the tv, which I rarely do, and right away knew the universe was speaking to me. An episode of Oprah was beginning and I haven't stopped crying since its inception. Its still on. NY Times Columnist Nicholas Kristof and his co writer and wife Sheryl WuDunn are on taking about the atrocities in the Congo and the genocide in Darfur which they write about in Half the Sky and which he has seen up close. Of course the moment the first story appeared I couldn't stop crying. I have always questioned how could this be happening. So right know I am asking myself how can half of the world be buying into the media's selling of Christmas allowing themselves to believe that things are going to make us happy while someone is dying because their family can't pay a doctor $100 for an operation. I have questioned the injustices of the world for as long as I can remember especially more so as I watch people in the town I live in become their possessions, be owned by them, and have it be their identity. I think to myself while you shop your life away a child of God takes their last breath because they didn't have the medication they needed. Inside I cry out please open your eyes knowing all I can truly do is lead by example because the truth is it takes a lot more than just opening your eyes. It takes opening every part of your being starting with your heart! This is probably the reason why this quote recently became my favorite, "Given the amount of unjust suffering and unhappiness in the world, I am deeply grateful for, sometimes even perplexed by,how much misery I have been spared.” I'd like to add while I am grateful for what I have been spared I can not stand by and watch others suffer. I take people's pain as if it were my own because in the end I believe we are all one.
I have always believed and will until the day I die no matter what challenges I face and even if fear and evil come to greet me that the solution to ANGER is LOVE, the solution to FEAR is LOVE, the solution to HATRED is LOVE so basically anything negative should be treated with LOVE. I had someone dispute this with me quite sternly last year and a year later I still believe LOVE is the answer no matter how badly you've been hurt. I don't believe in reacting in the moment I believe in sitting down and turning that person over to God in prayer trusting that becoming what fear asks of you in the moment you will come to regret sooner or later. Yes not only do I believe in taking the high road, I advocate it because my ego no longer resides here. Sure it tries to occupy residency in me once in a while but I simply remind it that I choose my tenants and ego is not welcome.
So as I sat crying in the warmth of my comfortable beautiful place I call home the tears became more intense. Why I questioned do I sit here and someone lies dying somewhere. The answer came as it has before, in order for humanity to become compassionate it must be put in scenarios where compassion is required. It eases my pain a little and then I am reminded of the most effective thing I can do, BE THE CHANGE I WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD. That is all I can truly do because crying over it or condemning others for not helping when they can won't solve the problem. I must be the solution to the best of my abilities and so my journey continues with UNICEF.
I will stop at nothing to make my fundraiser successful not because I want to put on the best show in town and prove to myself and LA what I can do but because children in a faraway land are depending on me to do so, so they can have clean water. This responsibility is one I CHOOSE. No paycheck and a lot of work but the biggest reward ever, knowing that when my existence on this planet comes to end I will have contributed to our evolution in a positive way and that my friends is of more value to me than a paycheck signed by someone as I do something I could care less about. People may call me crazy but I call myself a dreamer who with the guidance of God and the universe makes those dreams a reality. Dreams held passionately in my heart and I have come to learn that with passion all is possible so follow your passion!
I trust that in due time, which I call Gods time, I will taken care of too. The truth is I already am. I spoke about sitting comfortably in my cozy home repeatedly to acknowledge people are lying on the grass dying in some place on this beautiful universe because they don't have a basic need. That in my book is not fair and I will not stand by and do nothing!!! From now until March I will call on those around me to help fight the lack of clean water in underdeveloped countries by coming on board as a performer, volunteer or donor as I continue to be an honorary Ambassador for UNICEF and the Los Angeles UNICEF Tap Project City Coordinator. Although donating is great and needed to keep non-profits alive I encourage you take part in volunteering. Being a part of the solution physically makes a world of difference to a lot of lives. To me sometimes not knowing whose life I touched but knowing I have is the best reward. In case you are wondering I became involved with the Tap Project after being cast in its commercial earlier this year and after years of being a UNICEF donor a dream beyond my expectations came true. I was cast in a commercial that lined up with my beliefs.
I ask you to join me in supporting UNICEF's Tap Project by donating or signing up to volunteer. You can go to site now and register. Most of all be ready to go out and eat during World Water Week March 21-27, 2010. Visit the website to see what I mean.
Last but not least I say this lovingly, to those of you who I've contacted to become a part of the fundraiser and I have yet to hear from be warned I do not give up easily when I am fighting for my passion!! ;-) After all had I learned to give up I would not be driving around in a hybrid or met Paulo Coelho and collaborated on a film with him. With guidance from the universe and God by my side I make the impossible possible. I know we will make this a VERY successful UNICEF Tap Project fundraiser because the universe already told me it will be and in God and the universe I have all my trust. I hope the video below compells you to join me on my journey. Don't worry I have not given up the day job, acting/producing, but for now this is where God and universe need me and where I can be of most service. May you always have the grace to be love. I will be love to my body now and go back to resting after all I have a UNICEF meeting tonight. BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD!
After all I have had to get done in the past few days I told myself I would not turn on the computer today. I would just lay around in bed. Something I never do as most mornings consist of me logging in very early and heading out to hike by 7am. I love to start my morning with a hike as I get in touch with everything I believe in up there. Some people go to church, I go hike. However today I was going to do things differently. Okay so it didn't quite work out that way but when you are inspired to write you just have to. I did skip the hike but here I am typing away...in my pjs. ;-)
I woke up in Gratitude not only because of the day it is but because it is the way I have come to live my life. About almost four years ago all the work I had done in therapy became organic and that meant awareness became a part of my life. From that moment on I have lived in gratitude for everything with awareness. Not that I didn't have gratitude before but I hadn't truly learned how to be grateful for the challenges. The other day I posted on my facebook a thought I woke up with that morning, "Adriana Garza woke up thinking about how every challenge brings me closer to my friends and family and allows me to grow in LOVE. So for every road block or detour I say thank you for it has brought me closer to you!" That pretty much sums up how I view life these days.
I could sit here and go on on about everything on my plate and how hard things can be or I can adapt an attitude of gratitude, which I do only because organically I have come to see how beautiful each moment in life is and what it brings me usually outweighs the challenge. Gratitude my friends can not be faked. It comes from truly understanding what a gift it is to have been able to wake this morning take a breath and head over here to share Thanksgiving with you even if its through cyberspace. One of the things I am incredibly grateful for and I never thought I would be.
I used to think technology was distancing people. I mean with my friends growing more and more comfortable with texting and emailing I was beginning to be saddened by the fact that they used that as their main form of communication. What happened to getting together for face to face time? I got over that as soon as my play hit the road in 2007 and we used the internet as our main tool of promotion. I can not tell you how many AMAZING beautiful people I met because of it. People like Jen Marie and Darice who are my friends until this day. Most recently I met Eric Schwartz and Jason Mraz because of the internet. Because of Jason's kindness I went on to meet Sarah, Kim, Rosie, Michelle, Leah, Andi, Danielle, and many other beautiful souls. Let's not forget the amazing journey that was born because of the internet, The Experimental Witch . I have come to see what a huge advantage it is to be able to log on and connect to someone on the other side of the world. It is also how I met my friend Maggie in London and how I am able to keep in touch with my beautiful friend Silke in Germany. So today I am very grateful for the internet!
My list of gratitude is endless! I am grateful for my breath, my sight, my legs, existence, love, compassion, the challenges, the fun times, this computer even if it keeps giving me problems, ;-) my life, my car, my friends, my family, my lovers past and present. Well actually present would currently only consist of Juan who makes appearances with me in my we are what we do videos. Meet him here!
I really could go on forever! However today I will focus on the present moment. Right now I am being given the opportunity to LIVE some serious and fun journeys. I am grateful for both. GLAMOUR has asked me to host The GLAMOUR Magazine Canon Ball Holiday Party in LA. They contacted me Monday wanting me to put it all together by December 4th. By Monday evening I had one musical act and a venue. By Tuesday I had another musical act and then Eric agreed to co host with me! It all came together pretty quickly. I felt a bit of pressure to put on a great event with such short notice but I agreed and immediately became grateful that not only did GLAMOUR trust me with it I was also being given the opportunity to give voice to that which I love. GREAT music and the holidays!! I was able to get Gaby Moreno who just opened up for Ani DiFranco and Tracy Chapman to grace us with her BEAUTIFUL voice! Her singing is truly effortless! Then I got The Makepeace Brothers! I am in love with their music and undeniable talent! All topped off by Eric aka SMOOTHE agreeing to Co Host with me.
This lead to me having immense gratitude for the opportunity to celebrate the holidays with my friends in a very fun way courtesy of GLAMOUR and Canon even if I already have my acting career, producing duties, UNICEF duties, and gratitude birthday dinner to tend to. As mother Teresa says, "I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle I just wish he didn't trust me so much!" ;-) So for this and my current UNICEF duties I am grateful!
I am in the middle of securing talent for our UNICEF fundraiser and I have no idea how this will unfold. I am the head of the fundraiser but there are five of us who have to agree on line up and the UNICEF headquarters in NY has to do background checks and approve the talent. I am going after one particular person as headliner because they have shown me in many ways that their beliefs actually line up with UNICEF's and for me that is HUGE! I don't want anyone who thinks it would look good for their image or for publicity purposes. I want someone who is being the change they wish to see in the world. Jason is doing just that and I'd be honored if he agreed. I haven't given up hope because if life has taught me one thing it's that MIRACLES ARE BORN OF FAITH AND THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! I can't control how this will unfold but I can sure as heck try, by doing the footwork, to ensure a human being of value, integrity, and talent is attached and that is in the end what I am fighting for as I try to attach Jason. So for the ability to do so, as tiring as it can get, I am GRATEFUL! The venue is coming along very well and I think when headquarters arrives in LA Monday to tour everything with us they will be pleased to see how much we have accomplished since our training in NY never forgetting that what we are fighting for are the children and the UNICEF Tap Project!
As you can see I have a lot to be grateful for! The life I get to live truly is beautiful but I have a hand in doing so by being able to accept that without seeing the beauty in the challenges and being grateful for them I wouldn't be here today. The other day I received this in my Daily God affirmation, "On this day, God wants you to know that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself." Amen to that.
I don't want to keep you here forever so I will part with expressing Gratitude for those who sometimes feel it the least, my family. It has been said that we hurt those we love the most. I think the hurt has been felt on both sides. One conclusion I have come to is that neither they or I are wrong in wanting what we want. I want to be me and be loved unconditionally while I make my own choices, live my own life, and learn my lessons that ultimately shape me and build my character. Some of my family wants me to be in less pain, and have their idea of a life well lived. Like I said neither one of us is wrong we just want different things. I struggle because what I like the least in life is hurting others! Trust me I always try to avoid that at all costs and anyone who knows me knows that about me but when the cost of not hurting others is hurting me than I can't do it. So to my family I say I mean no disrespect I am just honoring myself and being me! If you for one second think I am not grateful for you think again! Mom thank you for putting me in ballet at such a young age and helping me build my passion for the arts. To my brothers and sisters thank you for being you! In return you have shown me I have the right to be me! To my step dad thank you for putting up with my mom and her SEVEN kids! WOW! And lastly to my real dad wherever you are thanks for being a huge part of why I came into existence. You know I am grateful for your paths crossing for that gave way to Mercedes and I coming into existence! If you look at life through God's eyes and with LOVE I am sure you too will have lots to be grateful for.
Meet the people I am honored to call family and now go hug yours and tell them you love them. Mine is in Monterrey, Mexico baptizing the latest addition to our ever expanding clan and for missing it I am so bummed but for Joaquin's existence I am so grateful! I have my own celebrating to do soon, my 33rd birthday gratitude dinner with my Los Angeles family is Sunday and for them I am ETERNALLY grateful!
All seven kids in order from oldest to youngest. With my sister and parents back home in Austin. This is too funny! Like father like daughter. I sit just like my step dad! Once upon a time we were great together and for that I am grateful!!
"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." Cicero HAPPY GRATITUDE DAY and may this day lead by example and to being in gratitude year round!
Words truly can't describe and do justice to how beautiful Rome is. I have been to four cities in Europe and Rome is definitely my favorite. While the Rome Film Festival brought me there the city kept me there long after the premiere of our film was over. I had seen it in films and pictures but seeing it in person is something else. Although I went with my friend Bev and hung out with Jessica it still seems to me to be a very romantic city and maybe one day I'll experience it that way.
There truly was never a bad or unattractive place in sight. Wherever I turned I saw beauty and as much as this may have to do with me choosing to see beauty based on how I see life it also has to do with the fact that it is ANCIENT ROME! Take a look at these pictures. I was mesmerized by the sky in Rome so much I was constantly trying to frame my pictures around it.
I took over 800 pictures and made an album with 178. It was hard to narrow it down that much but I did it. You can take a look at all my pictures by clicking here
I took in the city and can honestly say I was fully present. UNICEF knew I'd be gone so anything relating to them waited until my return as did emailing with friends. I did a mass email to let everyone know how well the premiere went, did occasional updates on facebook but pretty much tried to stay away from the computer. Mostly because I wanted to be in ROME and nowhere else and well because the young man at the internet cafe was very persistent that I go out with him. It is true what they say about Italian men, they do come on strong. ;-) He told me in front of Bev what a great lover he was. Not sure who that works with but not with this lady. I laughed it off and went on about enjoying all the beauty my eyes witnessed.
From Fontana Trevi, to Ancient Rome to the Vatican and then some. We did it all! Bev had not been there in over twenty years so she was willing to do all I wanted to do again. ;-) One day we met up with Jessica and had lots of fun walking in the rain while heading to Strega Cafe meaning Witch Cafe, which was perfectly fitting as we were there for The Witch of Portobello/The Experimental Witch premiere. En route there we stopped at Fontana Trevi of course we splashed ourselves in water at hoping for soulmates. ;-) Take a look at girls just having fun.
For me one of the surprises Rome treated me to was an unexpected friendship which has me thinking of the lingering effects of that magical city. If you have read my blogs you know all about the journey that led me there and the experience of the film's premiere but what you don't know is what I was not expecting at all and that which has come to be. I expected to see Paulo, take in the city, witness the film with an audience and be grateful at all times for what I was blessed to be living. What I did not expect was to set eyes on Alex and consider him one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen.
I have to point out that he is extremely talented as well and it was obvious when his work was seen on screen as part of the final film. What has caught me off guard the most was that I can talk to him and we speak the same language. It is very interesting and comforting to sit with someone in my age range male who I can openly converse with about my beliefs and him about his. I found this out as he came to Los Angeles from Europe and we got to hang out allowing us get to know eachother better. I hope and pray that no matter how far away he is this is just the beginning of our friendship. Honestly all I can do is trust that if our paths are meant to cross again they will. My time with him reminded me to expect the unexpected because it truly is in what the unknown brings that magic lies.
Today as I move forward into the unknown leaving magical Rome behind and work my way through the uncertainty of what comes next for me, I know one thing surely is true for me because of everything I have lived. I have grown to be comfortable in the discomfort the darkness of walking my way through the unknown brings. All I have lived has taught me that magic truly lies in the most unlikely of places. Most of all I'd like to never forget that I ended up in Magical Rome because I didn't give me up for the limited love my boyfriend at the time had to offer. I stood by me knowing God was always with me. I feel the need to leave you with this quote hoping it'll help you work your way through the unknown into the beauty of your very own creation intended just for you. "Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual; you have the OBLIGATION to be one. You can not make any useful contribution in life unless you do so." From the very wise Eleanor Roosevelt. Now go on and summon your courage to live your way through the unknown into YOUR magical life, it's awaiting you!
Hiking is where I go center myself and get in touch with all that I believe in. It is there in the beautiful hills of Runyon that I planned out The Art of Being and received guidance and encouragement from God and the universe to go forth. Same thing happened when it came time to do The Experimental Witch. In the beautiful surroundings of those hills I find myself in awe of just how mysterious and beautiful life is. I see it in the birds that fly above at just the precise moment, the butterfly that appears on cue to let me know a particular metamorphisis has come to an end and it's time to fly, and the trees whose roots, heights and width amaze me upon entering. This is where I came up with my birthday dinner for this year. An homage to my friends aka LA family I have chosen to call "A grateful for you & being alive 33rd bday dinner." So I went in search of a picture to express this on google images and received an amazing result. Take a look. I fell so in love with this picture it became my profile picture on twitter, facebook, and blogger.
While I hiked this morning I felt such a sense of overwhelming gratitude because of how full my life truly is. It made me think about how true it has proven to be for me that what you believe is what you create. Sure there will always be circumstances that are out of my control but for the most part when I believe something with all my heart and soul I manifest it but the magical thing is the universe prompted by God help the manifestation of it be a thousand times more than what I dreamed! Something my beautiful friend Sheri Magid reminded me of last night in a conversation. She has known me for thirteen years and was telling me how much she appreciates what I manifest and in the process helped me grow in gratitude, love you Sher! Which is why this morning I stood at my usual place on my hike and conversed with God and the universe my gratitude prayer was pretty long. I expressed gratitude for every ounce of my being from my toes to my heart to my breath to what I get to live. I went on for quite a while all while listening to the usual,A thousand roads from A thousand roads soundtrack , which also happens to be the song I dance to at the end of the film below not what you hear onscreen. It was Lisa Gerrard's work from a film called A Thousand Roads so we couldn't use it.
As I finished my prayer turned away from the edge of the cliff and the sun I saw her. She couldn't have been more than fifteen and she was taking her walk. Her beautiful bald head gave away what such a young soul has been through already. As I approached her she seemed pretty healthy and as she passed me I sent her all my love and envisioned myself hugging her. As if on cue, no coincidence, a beautiful bird flew above us while showcasing the half exposed moon between two streaks of clouds. It was truly breathtaking and I knew God was letting me know it/he/she had it. I picture God to be nothing but LOVE so I knew this was God simply reminding me that it is always present even when it appears to not be the case.
Then the songs on my ipod began to remind me of all I've been through and all we all go through, the tie that binds us together which we can't escape being human and what I like to call Life on Life's terms. For me one of the few certainties of life is that it will happen on its terms and the only thing that truly matters is how we react to what happens. So as Heart of the Matter by India Arie came on I thought about how a year ago I was told by the man I thought to be my soul mate that he was now married and living in LA. A year later we are both showcasing our film's at film festivals and the universe has not crossed our paths and for that I am grateful. I am thrilled to be in a place a year later where I can see how he is doing and have fond memories of my former ally. The man whose belief in me prompted to go forth and create great things as he told me he awaited them from me and I from him. I am happy to report that as I was in Rome he was winning an award from a film festival for best director for his debut feature, so the universe may no longer cross our paths but we have both gone on to continue to bring to fruition what we shared with eachother. That brings me more happiness then having him in my life the way I used to could. My point being that no matter what we all go through time truly heals all wounds and reveals their purpose. WIth patience we are able to see this at least I truly have. ;-)
I may never know what her wound's purpose was but I trust that she will be taken care of and guided on her journey. I trust all of us are! I don't think we can ever keep eachother from our journey's and experiencing life on life's terms. The most we can do is offer a listening ear. Something I've seen is very hard to do since we usually want to see those we love happy therefore we try to fix but most of the time I've come to understand listening makes someone feel seen not fixing. It takes from the person's journey, its lessons, and their growth. So whatever her name is and no matter how heartbreaking it was for me to see her head that way I trust she will gain some amazing lessons from life on life's terms.
Life's lessons have given me the HUGE blessing of comprehending that humanity is equality! Something I believe so strongly I had a shirt made which I wore to my hike this morning. It's interesting to see people's faces when they read it. They range from I don't get it.... to beautiful smiles...look closely....as I took this image from google I saw it came from here, http://teamsuperforest.org/superforest/, pretty cool! Have to make time to read up on them. I really do!
What it means to me is that up there on those hikes no one is their job, car, or posessions because they only have themselves, their ipod and their pets with them. So my tshirt serves as a reminder or a planting of the seed for a thought they have never had. However for me this is my everyday life. My friends range from being CEO's of production companies to being bus boys because I see their souls and accept them for who they are. Oh and in the words of my friend Jennifer Marie, when people show you who they are trust them and I'll add have compassion for everyone is on their very own journey. My friend Delfino is just truly one of a kind! In all my years of sitting at that same corner in that restaurant in Malibu he has seen me through more than some people whose lives maintain them busy so they can gain in life but not experience life. Meet Delfino, shy Delfino. Careful if I ever get you on my flip you may end up on my blog. ;-)
YET no matter what anyone tells you or tries to sell you WE ARE ALL EQUAL UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS and in my view of the world here to help eachother live life on life's terms and that means also celebrating in eachother's triumphs. I hope you give yourself the opportunity in life to see people for who they are and revel in their beauty never forgetting that HUMANITY IS EQUALITY and that where you stand can change at any given moment and you may need someone's help someday so keep that in mind and be kind, be kind, be kind. People never forget kindess and long to forget meaness.
I feel compelled to share my God saying today believing one of you needs to hear it. "God wants you to know that how bad things may look right now means nothing, it's how good they can be with God's help that counts." In the words of one of my blessings from this blog Leah, Massallah! Which means go forth with God and may I add in LOVE for life, the universe, yourself, and others no matter what life on life's terms sends you because if you have lived life with the treat others as you you wish to be treated way you shall be able to turn in all directions and see a friend ready to hold your hand or let you rest your tired head on their shoulder. All of those people will be joining me on the 29th to celebrate LIFE in immense gratitude!
As I stood at the beginning of the red carpet getting ready to walk it for the first time after thirteen years in Los Angeles all I could do was smile at this BEAUTIFUL moment. Beautiful for the not so obvious reasons. Beautiful because I believed in me and never lost me and that had led me there. Beautiful because when some didn’t believe I could do this film I trusted I could even if it was my first film. Beautiful because for every one person who tried to discourage me ten showed up asking how they could be of service. BEAUTIFUL because I never stop seeing the magic in life, no matter what I live or where it takes me, it still is always magical!!!
As I glanced at Paulo giving interviews on the red carpet , look for the silver dress, I smiled thinking WOW here we are. The man whose book the Devil and Miss Prym helped me endure the challenging three months between being selected a finalist and winner for the GLAMOUR/Toyota Moving Forward Award because everything she was living I was living at the precise moment I read it. Particularly this paragraph. Paragraph two, from page thirty four.
"She clutched the gold to her, got to her feet, feeling weak and desperate, then crouched again, replaced it in the hole and covered it with earth. She couldn't go through with it; this inability, however, had nothing to do with honesty or dishonesty, but with the sheer terror she was feeling. She had just realized two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or SEEING THOSE DREAMS MADE POSSIBLE BY SOME SUDDEN TURN OF THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE, WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECTED IT. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surface: the fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, THE FEAR OF LOSING FOREVER EVERYTHING THAT IS FAMILIAR."
Even if you had lived those three months with me back in 2006 you still wouldn't comprehend fully what this paragraph meant to me in that moment. I will say that at that time it felt like seventy five percent of people around me didn't believe in me and twenty five did but here's the catch. I above all believed in what the universe was showing me and God was whispering. It was time and that wheel of fortune was spinning in my favor and all those fears were surfacing for when your dream starts to become a reality it is then that you truly realize how powerful you are and how much of it has to do with believing in yourself and what you know you know that ONLY YOU are being told.
Back then I would tell everyone that God had told me I was going to win because I was being guided to this and of course you can imagine I was labeled everything under the sun and most of all I remember people saying, "what is going to happen when she doesn't win?" At the end of the day I had God, my close friends to turn to, page thirty four and of course the universe guiding me allowing me to grow. Because most of all I had taken all my lessons of the past and was applying them. I had come to a place where I knew it was time and that time in my life propelled me into the unknown and the unknown has led me to being able to type this today. So as you can imagine standing on that red carpet with him made me look up at the skies and all around and acknowledge with my smile all that had led me there. Words can not be found to express the amount of gratitude I felt or what that moment was truly like for me.
Other books of his like Eleven Minutes have allowed me to hold on to my belief in unconditional requited love. The Alchemist helped me understand what it was that I was doing when at the time what seemed to be "coincidences" appeared. I was 21 when I read that book. Eleven years ago! Then of course pages 50-51 in the English version of By the River Piedra I sat and wept have stayed with me till this day. I made copies and give them to friends when they were struggling to follow their dreams. Of course if you've been reading my blogs you know what The Witch of Portobello/ La Strega di Portobello/ La Bruja de Portobello means to me and where it lead me. I could go on forever but most of all Paulo is the man who through his talent and work allowed this witch to feel not so alone while she endured a heart ache because of who she is. The woman who now and forever will proudly call herself The Witch of Portobello.
That my dear friends is magic and I will not hide my excitement over what I live ever! The moment I do I will know I stopped believing in the beauty of life’s surprises. I was fully present in the moment and trust me nothing was going through my mind other than putting one foot in front of the other and living in the present life was gifting me. I turned to Jessica as we posed for the press at the end of the long red carpet's walk and said, "if there was ever a surreal moment this is it!" and we smiled at eachother.
Any picture you find online of me from that night no matter what site bought it or what they did with it one thing is the same in all of them, my smile is from ear to ear. I was smiling with God and the universe, I truly was! Take a look at a few.
These are the moments that make everything we endure worth while. The moments you realize how much influence you have on where you go in life. The key to this in my humble opinion and experience has been to surrender control. I am honest so I will say I always saw myself on the red carpet. ;-) However I never knew I would walk it at thirty two, thirteen years after being in Los Angeles fighting for my dreams or that the man whose books helped me be a warrior and stay in the game would be standing there with me. I can't make you see the magic but I sure hope you do!
I do want to mention that there was a time when all I did was read and lie dormant in my dreams only living them through books thinking of the someday, the someday I'd do it. Luckily for me life kicked me around enough to open my eyes to how active we have to be in the pursuit of our dreams and just how important it is too to know when to let go. For me it's a balance between the both. I call doing my part the footwork and the outcome I call God's will. I know I can't make anything happen that is not meant to but I also know that NO ONE can stop anything from happening that is meant to as long as you believe. ;-) Learning to accept God's will has been key for me. So now as I am coming off the high and back to my day to day life I soldier on with God as fears, of others, want to come in and be a part of my life. I will continue to stand by that which only makes sense to me and I will continue to believe in the beauty and miracles of the unexpected and the magic that lies in the unknown because Emerson taught me well a few years back when I "stumbled" upon his thought that "everything I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen." Open your eyes, listen to yourself, and you too will discover the magic of life and where it can lead you!
This is my portion of the film at the festival with Italian subtitles. Take a look at us on the big screen. I am not showing you anything you couldn't have seen online so no, no shots of the film in its entirety. ;-) You also get to see us, filmmakers, being acknowledged prior to screening. My name is last and my excitement shows!!! You can take the girl out of Texas but you can't take the Texas/dork outta me ya'll!! Oh and the credits stayed the same so my shout out to God for giving me the courage to follow the signs stayed in!
It's happening again. Just when I thought my body was back on Los Angeles time it's not. I've been up since 3:30am so I've given up trying to go back to sleep and instead decided to come blog because well it's due time for parte due....two to some of you and dos for others. ;-) I came back to endless emails, baby shower invites, two unread scripts for my next two productions (one is a play and one is a film I hope to shoot back home in Austin because I need a farm), and ready to continue to make my dreams come to life while still processing all I lived in magical Rome.
I also came back to the people who love me the most, mi familia. Ahhh my training ground for where I am today. The ones who unknowingly made me a warrior. All artistic by nature none by profession but me and my uncle. My mom was a ballerina at Bellas Artes in Mexico City and my uncle is a published poet in Mexico and has always run Cultural Institutes in several different cities so all seven of us kids were brought up in the arts. I was the only one who decided to make it my profession and till this day my family keeps wondering when I will get a REAL job. Recently one of my sister's was in town and while we walked through LAX she said, "You'll get it when you have a real job." Okay, let go and let God. Then she suggested I go get one at the mall by my house. Again let go and let God. The next day my mom started taking to me about going into the waitressing industry and hasn't let it go since. She suggested I do so again the day after I was back from Rome and telling her about my experience. All this was topped off by another sister who replied to my mass email from Rome sharing with my close friends and family my experience thus far and excitement of being chosen as the official image to represent the film with, "great but don't forget to ask God for money." What the? Yes the straw had broken the camel's back but wait there's a lesson in everything if we are open enough to see it. Take a look at a few publications I was featured in as the image of the film. Movie Hits Magazine Acchiappa Magazine Rome Film Festival Official Book
There is one thing I know for sure and that is THAT PEOPLE SEE THE WORLD AS THEY ARE NOT AS IT IS. They worry which of course means they are projecting their fears onto me and in their view of the world a stable nine to five job with a steady income is the way life should be lived. Are they horrible human beings for constantly making their strong opinions known? NOPE! On the contrary this is their way of showing me they care. It is. They love me and don't want to see me suffer at all. In their eyes my lack of financial stability is suffering and not worth it. They are stuck in that and can't see the magic of Rome or other moments I've lived in the past three years which is why they constantly await a moment when I will say, "Hey I'm working at Express at the mall." Not that it's a bad job because it's not but I've been there done that and I am no longer there in my life. Something they can not see or comprehend.
Basically they want to take from my journey. Unknowingly of course. They love me so much they can't comprehend why such a good person in their eyes hasn't been paid back. Their idea of paid back of course, which means a big bank account. I just have one question for them. How many people do they know who have won a car that lines up with their beliefs, hybrid, won their favorite author's film competition, and appeared in a commercial for a non-profit organization they have supported with donations and in other ways through out their life? An ad which went on to be a finalist at Cannes and win other awards while making a positive contribution to the human race. Icing on the cake! That is how I view the world so I soldier on because I see no reason not to. I really don't. Sure I wish what I invested in my play, it's tour, and my film had all come back financially but it has in other ways. Ways that gave me a satisfaction money couldn't!
But like I told Paulo yesterday in an email, "If someone offered to pay off what I owe and help me become financially stable in exchange for me giving all I have lived in the past three years back I would look the devil straight in the eye and say, "No thank you! I am standing by God because everything I have lived teaches me to trust in that which I can not see but I know on God's time will arrive and this too shall pass. I am standing by God for I know God is standing by me and no matter what things APPEAR to be like I know God has not abandoned me but is helping become the person I am intended to be!" This was part of a long personal conversation with him but this I felt I could share. ;-)
So I did something this past week which was hard but a must. I am a big believer in saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and not saying it meanly. It is so important to me! You don't need to hurt because you've been hurt. The answer does truly lie in love. For me at least. So while my mom suggested I go into the waitressing industry for the millionth time I asked her to stop. I told her that what I did took a lot of faith and courage and that not just anyone could do it. I told her I would no longer allow them to disrespect what I do for a living and therefore would no longer tolerate jokes at my expense or comments about what I should be doing. I was very firm. Towards the end I couldn't help it and the flood came rolling out of my eyes. I told her I wasn't mad at all but that enough was enough.
I had just lived an AMAZING experience and unknowingly they were taking from it so I had to put a stop to it. Which brings me to this. Life for me is always about the journey not the destination which is why I am sharing this story with you. I can post all these amazing pictures and videos and all you will see is the destination. A beautiful destination which is why I think it is very important for everyone to know that we all face challenges everyday and sometimes they are very close to home. I LOVE MY FAMILY. I am who I am because of them. Had they not always fought me so strongly and tried to make me someone else The Art of Being would have never been born. Everything does happen for a reason in my world. With my play I invested my money so I could allow others and myself the gift of individuality because my whole life I had been forced into a box. Something I shared with my local community in hopes of allowing them the ability to express their individuality and this led to my award from Toyota/Glamour, the tour and spreading the message. All because of the intent behind it and because I was following MY HEART!
It's not my family's fault. People are what they know and when society sells conforming and becoming their ideals so well what can we expect of the human race. I figured out I don't have to do anything but follow my heart no matter the opposition. I am blessed with awareness. We all are but again it's up to us to choose to follow our heart and the signs or not. Thanks to my journey with my family and other people in my life I have learned who I am and what I am capable of while all along learning that all I need to have is God and the universe on my side. Emerson was quoted as saying, "If I have lost confidence in myself I have the universe against me." I strongly agree. Do not let ANYONE take your truth from you. TRUST YOURSELF AND HAVE CONFIDENCE IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE UNIQUE AND WHAT YOU CAN DO NO ONE ELSE CAN!
Because of that lesson I lived what I did in Rome!!! When I couldn't get financing for my film I put it on my credit cards and met the deadline leaving the rest up to the universe and look where I ended up! Befriending my favorite author. We have a strong bond because we have been through a lot in the last year. I have always felt that because we are both warriors we connect the way we do regardless of how different we are or age. Remember I am a fatherless child and what better kind of father figure can I have than one who understands why I fight the way I do for what I believe in. Beliefs that can not be seen or understood by others but only felt in my heart and understood by me. We speak the same language. The language of the signs and I hope we can stay friends forever. Only time will tell. Here are a few shots of us in Rome at the after party shooting a video on my flip. On a side note I introduced him to Jason Mraz and now he's tweeting about how great he thinks he is. I will have to ask if he has actually listened to his music and read his blog , which I sent him back when he had reposted my blog about me and Paulo. The reason I ended up with a blog. ;-)
And it's a wrap. ;-)
This is a behind the scenes look at the journey en Route to Rome.
En Route to LA. These will show you that sometimes we are re routed and what we thought would happen doesn't yet again teaching me that TRUST is crucial.
I communicate with God and the universe in a lot of ways and one of them is this, my horoscope. I hear you. ;-) Tuesday, Nov 3rd, 2009 -- You may feel as if you are being bounced around today by forces that are beyond your control. You could waste time and energy now by trying to take charge of your life, but it's wiser to soften your stance and let go of your agenda for a while. This does not mean you need to change your overall direction; just take the pressure off yourself for the day by trusting in the wisdom of the universe.
It's my horoscope for today and it's perfect timing. A reminder that when you follow the signs you have to surrender control and like it says in the end TRUST IN THE WISDOM OF THE UNIVERSE! If my memory serves me well these past few weeks in Rome are proof that I should soldier on about on my journey and leave the destination up to God and the universe. A journey which I wouldn't give back for anything in the world because it allows me the opportunity to find out who I truly am and what I am made of while allowing the universe to present moments that exceed my expectations. Moments like Magical Rome. What comes next? Only God and the universe know but if I have been paying attention I don't need to worry but just be ready to receive that which I deserve, that which we all deserve. When I was in therapy I used to write affirmations to myself all the time in my dressing room mirror. I took it up again. Take a look. It reads, "The abounding river of unconditional love and money is flowing into my life! I am open to receiving! The time is now!" I say it every morning with conviction! ;-)
May you find the courage and strength within you to allow your journey to guide you to a magnificent destination while remembering that it truly is about the journey....enduring it and trusting it! Oh it never hurts to EXPECT MIRACLES LIKE MAGICAL ROME! The Vatican. Look at those skies!
It's 9:30am in Rome which would be great if I was there but I am not. I am back in the comforts of my home in Los Angeles, it's 1:30am and I am wide awake. After what it took to get here I am just glad to be here! I had to endure three flights and alot of waiting at the Rome, Madrid, and JFK airports/stops and received an unexpected test of faith en route from JFK to Los Angeles. I was exhausted and coming down from the high of all the beauty my eyes witnessed while in Rome so all I wanted was my bed...a shower and my bed. When I saw the stewardness pull back the curtain although we weren't close to landing I knew. Why you ask? Well simply because this is the second time this happens to me this year. When I went to NY in April to shoot with GLAMOUR it happened on my way back, emergency landing. After she pulled back the curtain on comes the captain letting us know there is a leak in the oil and we are loosing gas so we must stop in Denver and see where to go from there. Seriously? I was going on two days of traveling but I had to admit to myself what I know deep down inside. I am never in control of things like this and surrendering control is the only way to live through something like this.
While we descended I smiled because I thought Brian McKnight is on this flight so we can't go down and then I thought wait it would be a headline for sure. I seriously did! Then I started to take deep breathes and release all thoughts of fear. I breathed in love and breathed out fear. I thought I've lived a good blessed life and if God wants me home then I have to go home there is nothing I can do in this moment other than breathe. Sadly I also think of Zoey in these moments because I so don't want her to loose me like she lost her mom but it is in those moments that I realize I can't keep her from her journey. The twenty minutes into the Denver airport felt like an eternity and the landing wasn't very smooth due to the fact that it was snowing there but I was glad to be safe. All I kept hearing while fear tried to take over was "you will make it home safely." Then my mind questioned which one? The one in infinity and beyond or the one in LA? Talk about practicing letting Go and letting God!
I have to add that en route to Rome I endured horrible turbulence but being that one of my brothers is a pilot, he flies his own jet not commercial, I have learned that the only true danger in turbulence is in landing so I manage to mantain rather calm as we were thrown from side to side and down. Sadly the poor girl in front of me couldn't and cried for about two hours as the crew consoled her. I thought to myself it truly is amazing what the mind/fear can do and as you can see held my own battle with it on my return. I have to say to my blog ladies that not only did I picture my grandfather, whose no longer here, in the cockpit, God surrounding the plane with its love and light but also all of you whose words have meant so much to me since we've met on here, there too. Sending me your love and light just like you do in your emails. All these thoughts help me endure moments of fear and yet again I grew in faith and trust! Once more realized how precious each second is! My body is in absolute pain and a massage would be wonderful but most of all it's here, alive and ready to create even more beautiful realities! I just realized while looking at my quote of the day calendar that today I am a month shy of my 33rd birthday! You bet I will be celebrating my earned wrinkles, if I spot any, in immmense gratitude!
I was blessed on my flights to have discovered this as I listened to the on flight spa/calm sounds cd. It will forver remind me of my journey to and from Rome. All I could think of was I deserve to give and receive unconditonal love to another soul please let me live to see the day!
As I listened to her beautiful haunting voice and conversed with God tears ran down my eyes because of what my eyes were looking out at and in that very moment I knew no matter what I'd be alright. Here on earth or in God's arms I knew I'd be alright!
I can't do the Rome experience justice with words. Or UNICEF for that matter. Rome holds so much meaning because of the journey that led me there. So as I took it all in like I've said before all I could think of was how grateful I am to God and the universe for guiding me to and through this and for all the people they sent my way to test my courage or facilitate my journey. They know who they are. There will be several blogs, hence the parte uno in the title, because Rome deserves it. For now I will try to go to bed and leave you with some highlights. This picture is one of my favorites and I took over 800! I need to capture nature in my shots. I just do! So here are nature and sculptures together making for one BEAUTIFUL shot at the San Popolo Piazza steps from our apartment in Rome. It speaks for itself! Look at that sky!!!
Now here are some behind the scenes video. The first one is me with Paulo at the after party in Trastevere as well as hanging with my friends at an after after party. ;-)
This one is a behind the scenes look at the red carpet. My friend Bev shot this and her arrival was another miracle. While en route to Rome two of her planes had mechanical problems so they couldn't leave the airports. She got to Rome less then two hours before the premiere. I was so GRATEFUL because these moments mean so much more when someone who has watched you endure your journey sees the beauty that the endurance brought to life! Oh and at 7:32 Paulo spots me after not seeing eachother for a year. ;-)
You can't compare the two events which presided over my last two weeks. You just can't but I have a feeling the UNICEF badge you see below, next to my Rome Film Festival Badge, will be worn with a lot of honor and gratitude in the coming months for being allowed the privilege of being of service to an organization I have looked up to for years. The journey continues and for that I have God and the universe to thank!
Words will never suffice to describe what I lived Tuesday night in Rome. As I arrived at the Rome Film Festival it finally hit me. One of my biggest dreams was becoming a reality. As I stood at the beginning of the red carpet I thought Dearest God and Universe you did it again! You exceeded my expectations! Sure I dreamt of this moment but what I never could have known was that I'd be the one behind the project and that my project would be a collaboration with someone whose work had granted me the ability to be a warrior and soldier on. One of many factors that contributed to me standing on that carpet. Friends, family, new blog friends, and in this case a particular ex lover all had a hand in that magical moment! However I would be a fool to not acknowledge that in my world the timing of the signs is as crucial as finding the courage to follow them. So again thank you God and the universe for opening my eyes to that which I can not see. ;-) I will continue to trust in that which I can not see but only feel in all my heart, soul, gut and every ounce of my being!! Hope you allow the universe, through patience, the ability to guide you. You never know where it could lead. If anything I hope I am an example of how magical life is when you surrender control. Afterall I'm just a girl from Mexico via Texas who dreams, believes, and trusts in the unknown. I AM YOU!
All of us on the red carpet. Paulo(coelho) is in the middle in all black and I am far right in the silver dress. Next to me in all black is my husband, I wish!, Alex Jehs fellow winner. ;-) On my other side in all black is Jessica Ranek who played my mom aka the witch of portobello's mom in the film.
Take a look at these links. I have amazing video, including one of me and Paulo, that blew me away when he spoke. I will post all that when I am back in LA next week.
They say that behind a great man is a woman. Well behind this little lady stood a village of men and women who the universe conspired to bring into my life to be able to see The Experimental Witch, the Samira Chapters, come to life. I recall like it was yesterday that I asked my ex for help because we were trying to stay friends after our break up. He is a music video producer/director and I am certain you have seen his work. It is VERY different than mine. His reply was no and that I should get someone to produce it meaning I shouldn't do it. Huh? Actually it made absolute sense considering he told me while we were together that he couldn't get through The Alchemist and went on to say how bad it was. Red flag anyone? ;-) To this day I believe that had he helped me and directed it I would have come in on a broom in front of a green screen in a super tight outfit with my chest popping out. It would have so contradicted the book. So in the end his no was the perfect answer and the universe knew exactly what it was doing no matter how painful it felt in the moment.
I prayed that all the people that needed to be a part of The Experimental Witch and could grow from the experience as well please be sent into my life. They began to arrive little by little and it was up to me to trust my gut and go with what I knew, I knew. This way of living doesn't always make sense to people so I didn't argue with anyone about what my gut was telling me I simply said this is the person for the job when others involved in the production weren't so sure. In the end the producer, who finances the project, has the final say so I did but I believe it wasn't me just having the final say it was actually God and the Universe.
I asked my agent at the time, Danielle Valencia, who also teaches acting to cast it with me and I had found a director,Luis Fernandez Reneo , whose work had inspired me to ask him to bring my project to life. All three of us sat through a lot of casting sessions but there was no doubt in my mind from the moment she opened her mouth that Jessica Ranek was Samira, The Witch of Portobello's mom. A belief that was being confirmed considering I had known this since I had seen her headshot. I saw it and knew it was her. I even told Danielle but told her I would point her out at the auditions. After her audition it was so obvious but because I had hired people to collaborate with me it had to be a group decision. In the end and after several discussions I stuck to my gut instinct and cast her. The one casting decision that was a given for all of us was Danielle Soibelman who came in and blew us all away. She was cast as the younger version of my character, The Witch of Portobello. Elan Garfias as my son was also a dead ringer for the job. We were missing the dad and in the second set of auditions we found Mr. Khalil. I had prayed that morning that God send him our way and so God did. Andrew Qamar's look, his ability to do the accent, and his professionalism made me smile, at God of course, during his audition. In gratitude I concluded the sessions and had found my cast.
Prior to the casting sessions I had many things I had to do as Producer. Things I was constantly in conversation with God and the Universe about. Even when I was overwhelmed and tired I never doubted that the Universe would conspire to bring all I needed for God had led me to this and would lead me through it. I had asked Kris Pustina-Haldane who was in my play to co-adapt the novel with me and she had agreed. I then began to go after the man I consider to be an AMAZING DP, Neil Lisk , who turned out to be the best one I have ever worked with! We knew of eachother but had not met. His wife was due to have a baby at the time and one of our mutual friends had assured me he would not do it. I had been told by God otherwise so I continued to go after him. In the end not only did he do my film but out of his own will HE CHOOSE TO NOT CHARGE ME. Moral of this story? Above all always always TRUST YOURSELF no matter what anyone tells you. He made my movie look like it was shot on film and the first question anyone asks after seeing it is, whose your DP?
Along with Neil I hired the crew via ads. Turns out he's well known in the indie film world and people were dying to be part of his crew. So much so that we got so many talented people on our budget. A very very low budget with a lot of love, passion and of course gratitude for everyone working with me outside their normal pay range. From the ads also came the fabulous Annette Chaisson who did make up and Ricky Lloyd George who was the AD. May I add he's is an extremely handsome young man, with all respect to his lovely girlfriend. ;-) My friend Nick Ligonis was not only the AC but we used his camera. He also guided us to his beautiful wife Maria Honrado who became our editor. So they along with Mickey McMullen, our sound guy, Michael Schilling, our gaffer, John Schmidt, our key grip, Maria, our PA, and MeLeah Robinson, our production coordinator made the film come to life in a very short time frame. We shot 25 minutes in three days!
Prior to them though came what I consider a huge universal conspiracy and a very crucial one. Our film was to take place in Beirut and London. It became very clear I was being led to this when my two closest friends had homes already designed to look like London and Beirut. So you can imagine my immense gratitude when they allowed us the privilege of shooting in their homes. So to my angels Bev Bishop and Sheri Michaels THANK YOU!
In the end this was a labor of love I was passionate about making come to life because of the story of Athena. Like her I long to not only be seen and accepted for who I am but loved unconditonally. Something I know I deserve and will receive when the planets align and my soul mate can sing this song to me. I know I am not the only creative person who longs to live out their dream without the judgement of others while also realizing that what others think is truly a reflection of themselves, has nothing to do with me and is something I can not change. There will always be people who feel the need to voice their opinion with such certainity that it is TRUTH not aware that TRUTH is subjective, so I had to do this for all of us.
I had to show the world that above all in life the most important thing to me is to trust ourselves, what we know which has been told to us by God and the universe and no one else can see or hear, just like Athena experienced. I had to showcase a place where being your bestfriend was what would lead to defying gravity or as John Quincy Adams put it, "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." I'd like to add that being you grants you patience and perservance for you depend on your own thoughts to guide you and not what others think therefore never giving up on YOUR dream!
My dream once more has been exceeded. I did tell the cast and crew we would win because we were being guided through this and we did. Even though I trusted that which I knew it didn't make it less magical when it happened. On the contrary it made it more magical because I was shown once again that I am communicating with God and the Universe, that they love me unconditionally and always hold my best interest at heart if I can endure the road the lead me on. Now the final film in its entiretity will be premiering Tuesday at the Rome Film Festival and my Roman Holiday inspired by Audrey's will now be my reality.
A dream far exceeding what I thought would come of this gut instinct to honor Athena and in the process unite creative souls and help them feel less alone. She certainly did that for me and continues to do so. I can only pray she does it for you too!
As I type this I have received an email informing me that one person has been chosen to walk the red carpet with Paulo and that the other remaining winners may or may not. I am not the chosen one but YES I AM. I was chosen and so are all of us. It is indeed up to us to decide what road we will travel on when life presents our choices. I chose one that cost me a lot financially and presented all kinds of obstacles but above all once more showed me what we human beings are capable of when we listen to our hearts and follow our passion! We are all choosen and it is up to us to CHOOSE to follow our destiny when the signs show up to take us there.
Walking the red carpet...not so important. Watching what was born of sadness and pain for someone's lack of unconditonal love for me, (Click here to read that story and what Jason called an amazing but not surprising story), in a room full of strangers connecting us all while knowing that for me this is only the beginning, that is what this is about for me. Substance over form always! Meaning experience over looking pretty on the red carpet. If it happens it does and if doesn't I am still on my Roman Holiday LIVING my dream! I'd like to state that in the end it wasn't me my ex couldn't love unconditionally it was himself, for when you love yourself you love everything as is and not as you wish IT was.
To each and everyone one of you listed in this blog I say thank you for allowing me to LIVE my dream!!!! While I am there I will take you with me in my heart knowing that without you I would not be there. To you the reader I say that Eleanor Roosevelt was a wise woman when she said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the BEAUTY of their dreams!" DREAM AWAY MY FRIENDS AND WHEN THE UNIVERSE SENDS THE SIGNS TO GUIDE YOU TOWARDS MAKING YOUR DREAMS A REALITY I HOPE YOU FOLLOW!
This past weekend I went to my first Jason Mraz concert. My friend Eric had pretty much told me what to expect since he has shared the stage with him. Check out the end of Eric's rap, I took my camera out too late. :-(
I have to say I was blown away by the experience! The drive there, the atmosphere, the venue,the fact that it was free, the people, Brett Dennen who I love, the non-profit booths (chose one at random to donate to and when I saw who it was I saw God), and of course Jason himself. (Click here to see the blog he called an amazing yet not suprising story.) What a gracious being! Some of you ladies have asked me about him and a young woman with certain kind of eyes, ;-) asked me to describe him in one word. Beautiful I replied. He truly is a beautiful soul. Because of that beauty he thought to bring along the gratitude tents and there is where I found God. Huh? You ask? Was he/she/it the volunteer tending to the gratitude tent and playing the board games with strangers? In a way...well yes.
If you've been reading my blogs you've seen me write about my struggle with asking for help. I give openly with all my heart never expecting anything in return because I believe that what you put out IS what you get back. However I struggle to ask for help and receive, so guess what? The universe has stepped in. ;-) As I played the Abounding River game, check me and Danielle out playing with the volunteer, my first card asked me to repeat to someone playing with me three times the following phrase, GIVING AND RECEIVING ARE ONE AND THE SAME. Upon reading it I got teary eyed, looked Danielle straight in the eye and affirmed it three times. Then I smiled at God. Alright already, I get it and I love you too. ;-) That phrase has resonated so strongly with me since and today it managed to be ever so present as an unexpected incident took over my day.
I make quite a drive to my yoga studio, CreekSide Wellness , because it is a dojo in Topanga Canyon in the middle of nature with a creek flowing by and an amazing teacher. Today I decided to go because I haven't been in a while and I could really use the serenity as I prepare myself for quite the journey with UNICEF and the Rome Film Festival this weekend. I want to be PRESENT and I knew Patrice's class, AJ's presence, and Bev's smile would remind me to do just that. When I was almost there I had called Bev to ask her if it may be cancelled since it was raining pretty strong, for LA, and she told me no. I told her I would see her shortly. As I continued my drive I saw this. Yet again I smiled at God, thinking to myself yes I know everything always arrives Just in Time! Within a few miles I was met by someone trying to cross an intersection in their car while I was a few steps from them in the rain. As he pulled out my body went into shock and I thought he really isn't attempting this is he?! But he was and he had no room to do so. The next thing I knew I was honking at him to alert him and swerved to my right to avoid hitting him on his door and to hit his passenger door instead. Something I did not realize until later and when I did I also realized that something/someone was with me in that moment and that was what prompted me to react so quickly in such a short time span and avoid hitting him. This I know for sure! I sat in my car in shock grateful that no one was in the next lane so when I swerved I didn't involve anyone else. I can I honestly tell you I had just one thought as it happened, "God please don't let anything happen to me as I have so much yet to do and it starts with UNICEF and Rome." I looked to my left and a woman who was in the meridian and had seen the whole thing mouthed to me, "Are you okay?" I smiled and shook my head as tears rolled down my eyes. I called Bev and told her where I was and stepped out of the car to meet Duane.
Duane had nothing but fear in his eyes when I met him and from that moment I knew like much of the country right now he is struggling. I called the cops and they told me to call my insurance company and handle it myself since no one was injured. REALLY?!! Okay what else could I do? So I did just that. A sheriff happened to drive by since my car was blocking most of Ventura, as you can see here. I was blocking the road because the impact broke my axle and my car could not move. I told the Sheriff what had happened and when he saw the small bruise and cut on my hand he told me to call the police and demand a report be filed because I had a minor injury. They lined the road with flashers and left. Really? You're leaving?! I attempted to get things under control as my emotions were taking over me. As I was being rained on and all my stuff was on the car floor I turned around and was met by my GOD sent angel Deanna. The same woman who had mouthed to me, Are you okay, had returned. She looked at me and said, "I saw you and you looked so sweet and I had to come back and see that you were okay." I fell apart in her arms. For not only did I now have a witness to contradict the story Duane had made up due to his fear but the universe had sent help and I was able to receive it just in time. (We had just both finished crying in this picture because when I told her my name she told me it was her daughter's bestfriend's name and they had just move here from San Francisco and she missed her so much) I told her what Duane told the cops and she told me not to worry that she would go to court if she had to. Sadly Duane was being overtaken by his fear and had created a reality where he had made it across and I should have slowed down. The reality is had I not swerved into the next lane I would have hit him instead of the rear door, as you can see in this picture below. I was saddened by what he was trying to do but I was aware that he was scared and in a lot of pain or he wouldn't be throwing me under the bus to save himself. His story didn't make sense to anyone, not even the cops or sheriffs. So I decided to turn him over to God and asked God to guide him. I could just feel that this was the last thing he thought he needed but I trust God enough to know that we all go through everything for a reason, so all I ask is that Duane's eyes are open enought to see it. He had a limp and that added to how bad I felt for him. He had no cell phone either so he kept having to go to the payphone. At this point Bev had arrived. When we were done I went over to Duane. I put my hand on his arm and I said "Duane it's an accident and the important thing is we are alive." For the first time I saw less fear in his eyes as he looked at me and said, "Yes we are alive."
As we parted ways all of it started to sink in. My blessings! I was five minutes from Bev's house, I was without a car but it didn't matter because in three days I leave the country and it would probably be fixed by the time I was back, I met an amazing woman who wanted to help a stranger so in my world once more I met God. Oh and now I would have to accept that giving and receiving ARE one in the same. It was becoming so clear. I needed to receive a ride to the doctor, the grocery store, and back home from Bev. I thought really?! The woman is already like my mom, here in LA, do we need to give her more to do?! Then I silenced the independent woman in me, smiled at God and thought I see you, you got it and I'll receive. Thank you for letting me be alive to receive.
Sadly I can't get Duane off my mind. Something is going on there and I know God's got it. His lessons will be just that his lessons BUT I ask you to send him and his family your love, light, and prayers! My car was damaged pretty bad and this not going to be cheap. Please ask God if you may what I always ask of God. I say, God I trust you are already there so all I ask is that they find the courage and strength to believe in that which they can not see and feel your presence and rest their worries upon you. I leave you with gratitude for being able to be here in this moment and type this today! I ask you to be careful in the rain in LA or anywhere and be mindful of others for the life you change forever doesn't necessarily turn out to be just yours. I am giving Duane love and I know I am receiving love! I see it in all of you who take time out of your day to read this.
What I walk away with the most today is affirming my belief that life is short, can change in an instant, and that YES I am right in following my heart even if to some I remain a witch for choosing to trust the creator for all I have not seen. The truth is seeing you, this planet and all its inhabitants has taught me to trust in that which I can only feel in my heart! Right now I feel the need to receive. I got it God I do. Thank you for allowing me to see the beauty in this day! I am off to give my body the rest it's asking for. In the words of Walt Whitman,
Love the earth and sun and animals, Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, Stand up for the stupid and crazy, Devote your income and labor to others... And your very flesh shall be a great poem.
LIVE AS IF TODAY WERE YOUR LAST DAY FOR THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES AND GIVE TRUSTING THAT IF YOU ALLOW LIFE TO GIVE TO YOU, YOU WILL RECEIVE ALL YOU NEED AND MORE JUST IN TIME!
Today has been an interesting full of eye opening experiences day and as I am seeing people's true colors all I keep hearing is be love, be love, be love. I never forgot once in an Al Anon meeting someone said that when she was facing a tough situation that involved someone else she would say to herself see them through God's eyes. How would God look at them? I believe with love, of course! So today I have asked myself to do just that. It's easy for us to react when we've been hurt but I refuse to do easy. I'll take hard, which for me means doing the right thing or I should say what feels right to me. I have found in my limited yet profound experience that the right thing to do aka taking the high road can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. People have shown up today and shown me their true character. I must admit some of it was not pretty. Some people crossed the line, the ones I least expected to do so, and some simply said nothing and held out their hand for me to hold onto. The latter was also those I expected to do it the least. Yet again I learned that an expectation is a premeditated resentment and only hurts the person having them.
Let's just say the Galinda's of the world were exposed today as were the Elphaba's of the world. As far as the Wizard, met him too and what lies behind the curtain well let's just say some things are never quite what they sell I mean seem. ;-) For those of you who don't know Wicked the musical let me explain that both characters are not what they seem and I won't say more as to not ruin an AMAZING musical for you. It's a must see! I devoured every minute of it both times I saw it in Los Angeles and Chicago.
So here I was feeling like I was being kicked while I was down for someone, let's call her Galinda, decided to JUDGE me and my life quite harshly. Someone who has known me for a long time. Now I know that people see the world as they are not as it is but when you have loved someone as long as I have loved Galinda you can't help but be hurt. Everytime my mind has wanted to hold on to the hurt my heart has stepped in and whispered BE LOVE, BE LOVE, BE LOVE, look at Galinda through God's eyes. So I did and here is what I concluded.
Although Galinda can not understand me I still love her because I know that her inability to SEE me is what is creating the judgement that allowed her to cross the line and condemn my lifestyle. Once I was able to see that I realized I was summoning Athena, The Witch of Portobello, once more. What you may know if you've read my blogs is that the reason this feels all so familiar to when I gave birth to The Witch of Portobello is because then the person who I thought loved me the most turned out to be the one that was not be able to accept me or the way I live my life either. What you don't know is this was something I learned not only two days before Valentines but also shortly after I had been diagnosed with a premature stress induced heart beat, which has been gone for a while now thanks to yoga. ;-)
Well now as I find myself yet again facing what APPEARS to be an insurmountable challenge this person decided to not only tell me they don't want to help but along the way condemned me. Huh? Sounds really familiar! I've been here before and if my memory serves me well once the challenge was over and I endured it I ended up in a pretty magical place. A place where I brought to life one of the most beautiful "witches" ever written, Athena. So with that thought in mind I decided I would thank them for their thoughts while having gratitude for the eye opening experience and prepare myself to receive once more. Yes!!! This for me is actually a sign that something beautiful is around the corner because once more I have sided with myself, my truth and put my love for myself above anything. I STAND BY ME! After all people's ideas of me only truly reveal how they see the world. I am saddened that a person I love so much sees through those eyes but glad life has revealed to me that which I needed to be aware of and as usual I know God's got it. It's their journey and their truth and neither them or I are right or wrong. It simply is what it is and to me a reminder that sometimes people are so frightened by that which they can't understand or SEE that they judge it.
As I took a walk earlier I began to think about all the Elphaba's I know. The ones that aren't always trying to keep up with appearances but have a heart of GOLD and I know so many of those!!!! So many that I had to tell you all about them. Some I've known forever, some I've just met but overall these women are truly extraordinary and inspiring so I feel compelled to share them with you! Whether they know it or not they are what gives me hope in the kindness of humanity! I have chosen to keep my focus on them!! When I think of us this is what I see. ;-) (c) acclaim images
Jennifer Hankins is my soul sister who resides in Chicago and who I met thanks to my play's stop there a few years back. AMAZING doesn't even begin to do her justice. Darice Mangin I also met in Chicago when she came to see my play. A beautiful soul who paints like an angel! As an independent production we are dependent on people who support the arts and these two women showed up and did just that. Ever since August 25, 2007, when the universe conspired to cross our paths, they have become my dear dear friends with hearts of gold. Danielle Valencia, my amazing agent of three years, is such a close friend that she knew her client would LOVE to be submitted for the UNICEF spot even though it did not pay. Most agents don't waste their time on something they can't make money on BUT she knew me and she is part of the reason I am headed to NY next week for my training as UNICEF Ambassador for http://www.tapproject.org. Her understanding and acceptance of who I am and where I am in life compelled her to submit me for that job and from the moment I got called in she said, 'It's yours, It's who you are." She sees me and because of that the rest is history. Tammy La, Mary Queen Robinson, and Joy Nash have been in my play for a very long time and have always been EXTRAORDINARILY supportive of me and my work. Support that they have shown by donating their BEAUTIFUL TALENT AND STORIES TO THE ART OF BEING. Ladies THANK YOU!!!
Bev Bishop is a God send. If God ever sent an angel it was her. What she did last week for me I will not mention but let's just say if I did you may want to nominate her for sainthood. ;-) Gaby Moreno is not only sweet but extremely talented!! Everytime I see her play I think really can someone just open their mouth and sound that amazing?!!! She's so talented when she got off the road recently after opening for Tracy Chapman, Ani DeFranco hand picked her to open for her so off she goes again! But wait Sarah Berailles saw her last week and told her she wants her to open for her. You wanna see her? Come to my UNICEF Fundraiser in March, she has already agreed to donate her amazing gift of a voice to it! Last but not least Shari Goldberg whose not only as cheesy as me, sorry but you know you are, takes one to know one, ;-) but whose so dedicated to the causes I am she joined me this year as co-producer of The Art of Being and worked her butt off free of charge!!!
Now for the inspirations that came from way of one of my many inspirations, Mr. Mraz. Should you have made your way here from his blog you may want to finish this and then go to Me and Paulo Coelho....how the universe conspired to cross our paths. because that is what he called an amazing yet not surprising story. ;-) Speaking of amazing these amazing women I have met thanks to him. The fabulous writer..Andi also known as AndiWritesAgain , the young woman who is finding her passion and bravely following it the girl with kaleidoscope eyes or as I know her Kim, Sarah Forrester whose work, http://www.grilledcheeseimages.com/, I love, and last but not least Leah Carrico whose amazing words last night as a comment on my blog showed me the generosity of strangers is clearly God speaking to me and saying I AM HERE! All these women have shown me that for every one person who turns their back on me there are ten beautiful souls extending their hand out to me.
Life my friends, how we choose to look at it and WHO we choose to surround ourselves with is just that a choice! Choose wisely and choose not only knowing but trusting you deserve the best! I may be making my way through something today and it may seem like too much just for today but in the end I know that which only I can know. I am about to yet again once more DEFY GRAVITY and make what some call impossible my reality. After all," What you think about yourself is much more important than what others think of you." Seneca. I used that quote in The Art of Being as friendly reminder to my audience and cast. One I am making to myself today! ;-)
I hope whatever challenge you face allows you to find out exactly what you are made of! This is for you my loving friends, those I know, don't know and I am getting to know. Your beauty encourages me to move forward and trust my instincts and do as Elphaba sings, "So if you care to find me look to the western sky! As someone told me lately everyone deserves the chance to fly! And if I'm flying solo at least I'm flying free. To those who'd ground me take a message back from me. Tell them how I am defying gravity! I'm flying high defying gravity. And soon I'll match them in renown and NOBODY in all of Oz no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down!"
I hope you trust you have it within you to choose not to allow anything or anyone to bring you down. Now go on grab that broomstick and go defy gravity! If no one wants to literally join you on your broomstick remember YOU ARE NEVER ALONE in your leap of faith, NEVER! I am off to re read the novel that reminds me I am not alone in trusting myself, La Bruja de Portobello . Paulo thank you for creating her and helping me and many others continue to fight for our dreams and passions by following our hearts!!!
This blog is for my sister Mercedes Garza whose rough exterior has shown me today has a soft interior for when push came to shove she held out her hand put our differences aside and showed me that she truly is an Elphaba!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! If trusting God and the Universe and that which I can not SEE but simply feel in my heart makes me WICKED than hand me my broomstick!!! Please. ;-) After you watch this I hope you find it within you to be WICKED!!!
Off on my broomstick....next stop my very own Roman Holiday, courtesy of the witch of portobello of course! ;-) Last but not least may I suggest going here and listening to track 20, Crazy Horse, when you are done. But do yourself a favor and make sure you listen to the lyrics.
