I needed this sign so badly because I have had to give up everything I had known to be for the unknown more than ever in these past two weeks of this six month journey of producing the UNICEF Tap Project Benefit.
. This journey is one I chose to take on without pay because well it actually chose me. How you ask? I believe I am guided by signs into the what next. Yes the one people always ask about after you have come down from a high that was produced by passion and hard work, like per say the Rome Film Festival. You know it usually goes something like, "WOW you have accomplished so much how can you possibly follow that! So what next?" ;-)
I have come to understand quite clearly that if I am open to receiving the signs then the fear of what will happen next dessipates because I know it is being taken care of. I make it sound easy don't I? It is a far from easy road but one that is so worth it to me because I don't have to go against me, my values, or beliefs when I follow the signs. While like you fear tries to take over me I am able to walk through it into the unknown because of my faith in what I believe. Through my eyes I see a universe that sends me signs to help me communicate with God who knows me better than anyone and knows what is best for me, my journey, and helps me fulfill my purpose. This is the point where people usually ask me if I do drugs to put it bluntly. To answer honestly I never have. Nope, never tried anything and I'm not interested. I don't judge those who do and I desire the same in return, no judging because I don't do them. :-) And don't try to understand me because you won't. Just see me, if you can, as a fellow human being working her way through the unknown in awareness by choice.
One thing I have known since I was young is that I have a passion for humanity. All of it! No matter what and I have been hurt a lot lately by many and disillusioned but the one thing you should know about me is that nothing or no one can strip me of my hard earned faith. They can try and they do but it's a waste of time. I am blessed to be so certain in what I believe that even finding out that people I admire aren't who they sell they are, based on my journey with them, doesn't destroy my faith. Sure it rocks the ship but this ship has weathered many storms at thirty-three and will continue to do so. I may not always see the land while I sail the seas of life but I know it's there. I simply do.
These past two weeks had me in thunderstorms and down pours of broken promises and I was taken for quite the ride which jeopardized the entire UNICEF Tap Project benefit. Did I get off the ship? No, I simply strapped on my life vest and held on for dear life. To put it in words you can understand sadly the venue which we planned to perform at fell extremely short on their promises!! I have never in my career as an independent low budget producer encountered such a situation. I have dealt with companies like Southwest Airlines on smaller budgets than this one for the benefit and never have I had people treat me the way they did in the end. Within a matter of twenty-four hours I found myself back at square one with two weeks to go before the show and tickets already on sale but no matter what things "appeared" like I was about to have my belief that EVERYTHING happens for a reason reaffirmed.
I am a big believer in not bad mouthing people because no matter what they did to you, you trying to ruin them through words only affects you and in the end they do pay for what they did with karma. You know those moments when people ask why is life so cruel to them, that's actually the moment they may want to consider what they may have done to buy themselves that lesson. Just a thought. I mean this for people who have no conscious on how their choices could affect others which is my case. Since November of 2009 a particular venue promised a lot for our fundraiser. On Monday March 8 they backed out of those promises after making me change my benefit date which caused me to loose my talent transportation which was donated.
I am not going to sit here and tell you I was fine. I was a mess! I thought to myself wow people who don't care about others do exist and now I am left without a venue. But I wasn't and I knew that. I just temporarily forgot it. Back in the unknown I made the calls I had to make and within twenty-four hours I had a venue. It is quite unheard of to secure a venue with the same capacity, tickets were already on sale, two weeks before our show but God as usual was on our side. The day I contacted the Roxy they had a date open up, the ONLY one open for the week. One guess on what date it was. ;-) So I was able to tell the crew on the ship that we were going to land a shore safely just as God had promised. "Eywa heard me!" A little Avatar reference. Take a look at one of my favorite songs ever combined with a film I draw so much inspiration from to weather the stormy seas and land ashore on the 24th SOLELY for the children who will benefit from it.
How exactly does this situation reaffirm my belief that everything happens for a reason. Well the Roxy was a venue we had looked at but had to pass on due to it being out of our budget. Isn't interesting that the day I contact them they had the date I needed open up and further more took what I offered which was not what they originally quoted. Did I mention I don't believe in coincidence? Like I told my colleagues Ruby and Justin last night at our meeting, had I called before the moment I did it wouldn't have worked out. I called precisely went I felt the urge (nudge from the universe) to and look at what happened. If we allow life to it will guide us to what is best for us and for what we are trying to accomplish. My work continues to be cut out for me between coordinating the talent, the crew, the venue, the rundown of the show, being prepared to run the show, and well the list is so endless just thinking of it makes me tired. There is so much going on in my personal life too that they day I finally blog about that some may wonder how on earth I kept my faith.
I'll tell you what, for reasons only understood to me, I believe in something magical. Something that allows me to work my way through the unknown because I trust that no matter how many challenges show up in life either through people not BEING their word or situations taking me elsehwere than where I had planned it all still is at it should be so I can GROW in faith the only way I know how, through the unknown. I believe more than anything that it is our responsibilty to not only take care of the planet but eachother. Taking on the responsibility is a choice I make because I believe in justice for all and if I spend all my life working towards what I believe in then I know I am following the signs because who I am is not being sacrificed. I am in the end simply being just like Damien. I met Damien in a movie called Millions where he came to life and through him I felt less alone and understood. If you haven't seen it you must! Spoiler alert! This is my favorite part of the film and it's the end.
While the end is my favorite, part 2:07 is my favorite part of the trailer below.
Two weeks to go until I get my MILLIONS ending. If you see the movie you'll know exactly what I mean. A word to the wise you can try and bring me down, dissapoint me by not being your word, and rock my ship but I won't falter and I will steer this ship a shore. I was guided to do what I am doing and when you follow the path life has laid out for you, while you may struggle at times- life on life's terms, you don't give up because in the end when you get to the end of the road you know you will be greeted by something that exceeds anything you ever dreamt of that only God through the universe's magical powers could have conjured up. So in the words of Queen Elizabeth, "I fear neither you or your Army. I have a hurricane in me that can strip Spain bare if you dare to try me." After all this journey I'm on is for God's children so getting in my way is pointless, God's gonna get me and my crew to where we need to be to do God's work so I wouldn't waste your energy trying to detour us. ;-) See you on the 24th at the UNICEF Tap Project Benefit concert!
*any feeling that you may be the person who dissapointed me is purely coincidental. Unless of course the shoe fits than in my mom's words "wear it" but you won't wear me down. ;-)
Where are the days when a person's word meant something? It's truly unfortunate that you had to endure such disillusion, especially when so much was riding on their commitment. I'm glad that everything fell right into place and worked out in the end. I too am a firm believer in karma. At the end of the day, it's about how you want to be treated and what good things you want happening to you - and take your lead from there. It's no wonder why things worked out for you. The person you are just attracts good karma. As always, I tip my hat to you, Adriana!
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