The falling of the leaves.

Lately on my runs I have been very aware of the leaves falling and yesterday as I visited the botanical gardens for some relaxation it became very clear that the seasons are changing. It feels like I just arrived in Austin to inferno like heat and now the winds of change have brought a morning breeze with them on my runs. Something I welcome very much. It is common for people to think that this breeze gently takes the leaves with them. Upon watching them fall around me and on me I did some research. It turns out that in order for a tree to survive the leaves must go otherwise at some point they freeze and can no longer provide the tree with the nutrients it needs in order to survive. It turns out these leaves have scissors on them that can be seen with a microscope, which they use to let go. This is my interpretation of what I read in simplest terms. ;-) It got me thinking me because I kept feeling on my runs and walk at botanical garden like God and the universe were using them to tell me something. On my walk through the gardens en route to the butterfly garden it hit me. My leaves are falling so new nutrients can come in and nourish me in the present. No need for the old leaves as they are part of my past. Hence if I don't cut them loose and let them go I won't be able to nourish myself in the present with all the nutrients it has to offer. If I keep those leaves they will freeze and freeze me with them. In simplest terms if I want to grow I MUST LET GO. I had a vision on my run of old leaves attached to me weighing me down and as I progressed and picked up speed I let them go. I must admit it also came with a F-U fear as I finished the run. You see I've had a lot of nervous energy this week and I have made myself stay in it doing things to work my way through it like the walk I took where this blog was written in the butterfly garden. Trying hard to decipher things has caused my nervous energy and on my walk I was reminded to trust. Above all trust the process and the plan. Don't try to understand everything just know that everything does and will eventually make sense. Most of all trust God has my back. Which brings me to this, I must trust that cutting off the leaves of the past will bring to fruition, on God's time, leaves with all the nutrients necessary for me to face the present. I must let 2011 and all its gifts go so that I can see all 2012 has gifted me. So I can allow the new leaves to settle in and feed me their love. And if I let go, open my heart so my eyes can see, clearly already the gifts are amazing!!! It's hard to say goodbye to Neil and my father. I have done it repeatedly always afraid that somehow I will forget them but yesterday it really hit me. They gave me Austin, they gave me the faith to keep dancing and I believe they still continue to root for me and want what is best for me. I whole heartedly believe my father can now do what he never could while he was alive and has done so. But it's time. It's time to cut the leaves, see them fly away and let new leaves be born. I need nutrients for the present. So just for today I will take it easy on myself as I cut away and await the new leaves. I will leave all thoughts of the 2011 leaves for the edit bay and feed my soul from what life is gifting now. It really is the taste of sweet American Honey I am fed now and I want to fully take it in. In my heart I know it's just the beginning for this autumn tree blooming in its new home. I won't waste time worrying if the new leaves will be able to feed me like the past ones have. I will just trust they will and that they will be the remedy in this new season of my life being brought into fruition by this beautiful fall that is dancing its way into my life. P.S. at 3:39 I encourage you to belt it with conviction. Fear isn't very fond of conviction. ;-)

Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling!

This pretty much sums up my beliefs. Ever since I learned to decipher the signs and follow them I also learned that it depended on me trusting something to be able to see them. I choose to call it God and the universe because it made sense to me. I have concluded in my thirty five years of experience and growth as Adriana Garza in human existence that if my heart is open I can see the magic of this existence and go beyond what my eyes can see. When I first discovered this I was always wanting others to see it because I wanted them to be open to seeing the gifts in their life as well that the magic was conjuring up just for them. I couldn't get them to be where they weren't meant to be and in the process what I mostly conjured up were people concerned by my beliefs. I have heard things like "your beliefs worry me", or "I was afraid you had gotten stuck in character and thought you were Athena", the Witch of Portobello I portrayed in my film based on that novel. No I did not get stuck in character but her and I were so similar it was effortless to portray her. My beliefs shouldn't worry anyone cause all they have done is help me believe in this unpredictable thing called life. This beautiful beautiful sometimes inexplicable, when I think too deep, existence. If time has afforded me anything it's the ability to be more present in who I am and what I believe. I may keep it more to myself now but I also believe more. I know we are all here to teach eachother and to learn from eachother. I would much rather learn from others how to keep the faith and not stop believing than how to believe everything sucks and has no meaning. That desire has made it easier to accept someone not wanting me in there life even though blood and distance has brought us closer. I know I tried and I know they tried but in the end timing is not right just yet. And if life has taught me anythiing, especially my ten years in Al Anon, is to take care of me even if others think I'm a you know what for doing it. I could assume some believed my move to Texas was about me letting go of my sometimes called silly, or too old for me dream(s) of mine. The thing is this dream of mine that scares some is not my dream waiting to be seen, it is my calling taking me on a beautiful journey showing me how to grow in faith, strength, courage, love and many more weapons I choose to arm myself with to be present on the beautifield of life. So no being in Texas does not mean I will go to Harvard like my uncle, or Notre Dame like my grandpa's brother or get serious about my life because I am, have been and will be very serious about this precious, fragile yet amazingly beautiful gift called life! No matter what others fears allow them to perceive. It is after all my life, "go ahead with your own life." ;-) Signs had been pointing somewhere and looking backwards I had connected the dots.I had so much faith that Alison to Michael to Pam meant Coco Latino Award which meant I could finish the documentary, which is stuck in post. I would like to sastify the wolves appetite and say I was wrong but I wasn't. I found out that out of thirteen people my entry for the award based on "And She Danced, Life after loss" did not make the top two and therefore is no longer in the running for the 10,000 that would have truly been a gift to AG Productions and allowed the documentary to be finished on my time. However if Rudy Ruttiger taught me anything as I watched the film on his life when I was sixteen it was that prayers are answered on God's time. I am so beyond grateful that seed was the one I have chosen to water over the years no matter how many choose to have their nearby, blood related gardens plant seeds of fear and spend an entire lifetime with a lot of hoses gardening as if it was a farm growing False Evidence Appearing Real. I know that I can not make anyone see what the signs mean for my life. I am grateful I got that. Truly am!! Anyone who flips through my iphone pics would probably think, wow she loves to save her notes from the universe, pandora songs, daily om's, quotes and take pics of nature. The truth is I love to take pictures of the signs, look back on them, connect the dots and be humbled by God and the universe's magic. I will never forget sitting at an outdoor cafe in Rome with Bev and saying "I wonder how God does it. How do they know precisely when you need something to be seen or heard and how do they make it possible through a song, person etc?" I questioned this after my film's premiere in Rome and mediatating on the journey that led me there. So today as I wake to find that the signs have yet to reveal the magic, (or do they?), and that I will not be winning the Coco Latino Award as I had envisioned and deciphered, I am able to see what the magic in this deciphering of signs was about and it is Pam Koslov. I have met people who have seen me at my best, winning awards, a car, flipping through GLAMOUR spotting me, seeing me being named the Latin Star to watch by Latin Star Magazine in 2009 and believed in me. Or as I see it believed in what they could see. Few are those who walk into your life during the journey not the destination and BELIEVE in you while you have been asked to leave most of your possessions and life as you knew it behind and knock on doors till the one with all the magic I know exists swings wide open and reveals the magic of the universe. Few are the people who listen to my beliefs and say I BELIEVE. Then fewer are the people who SHOW you they believe. Pam asked me to enter the award competition after seeing my documentary's trailer and knowing me for two months and being in my physical presence for two days. She saw what God had created and didn't try to mold me into anything else but instead asked who she saw to step up and continue dancing. Turns out that was the magic of 8-13-2012 which later became 8-15-2012. I had visions of her walking up with me to get my award with Zoey and my sister Ivonne as well as Bev by my side. I know better than to let those visions go. I know that God, Neil and my dad are busy smiling because I trust in them more than what I can see. They know that I know that they are lining up people, causing synchronicity and preparing me and all who stand by me for the precise moment that "And She Danced, Life after loss" is ready to dance into the lives of people. As usual not a minute too soon or a minute too late but precisely at the exact moment God and the universe reveal their magic, God's time. Pam I feel like this may have been harder for you than me so to you I say, I honor you for choosing to see me, guide me and encourage me. Ten grand would have been nice but in the end it's just paper. You on the other hand, fed my soul, fueled my engine, strengthened my conviction and reminded me to never stop believing. As I had said, you WILL walk the film festival carpet with me. On God's time you WILL be by my side and I will ask you to do with me what I did before I started to walk the red carpet in Rome with Paulo Coelho. Look up, smile and express gratitude. I had said "you all knowing always knowing what you are doing. Look at you. Look at your magic." This time we will look up thank God, the universe, your dad, my dad, Neil and be grateful we never stopped believing. This I promise because all bets are on God and the universe. YOU are the magic of the connection of the dots and I AM GRATEFUL! This is just the beginning for these small town girls...the dance continues..... May faith be your guide and may you never stop believing that God's gifts and the universe's magic can exceed your dreams!

Uncovering my roots.

In a sense you could say I am the chosen one because as the dance continues the music being played requires me to be very attentive to the rhythm so I can follow the steps into the light and uncover my roots. I believe I am the one willing to heal the past and unload the weight of it. Is it my calling? Is that what I came to Austin to do? It is and this week it became clear. I have been helping my sister out at her flower shop but I haven't really been working here. Yes and no, which is something that could only make sense to me. Just like miyagi's wax on wax off proved a great fighting skill for when the time arrived so shall this. It has been made clear to me the depth of the work I came to do here and out of respect for those I love I will not disclose details. All I will say is there is mending that has to take place with two young women who were raised to compete. Unwillingly. Never wanted to. There are severe consequences to constantly being compared to someone, which caused a distance greater than the states that used to separate us. The mending has just begun and a long journey lies ahead but love will prevail. This I sensed as I drove across state lines and could feel the weight slowly start to dissapate and continued to do so as I wax on and wax off to the rhythm of the music orchestrated by God and the universe. ;-) What I never knew was that I was coming to Austin to discover where I come from. I know the facts. I was born in Brownsville, never been, as we left to Monterrey Mexico where my birth father is from shortly after and then was raised in El Paso. On my own I left to study fine arts at fifteen in Monterrey, at seventeen in Mexico City and finally spread my wings wide and headed out west far from it all when I was nineteen. I had been raised in the arts with an uncle who always ran cultural institues in different cities which allowed me to grow up around writes like Carlos Fuentes and painters like Jose Luis Cuevas. My uncle himself is a published poet. My mom was a ballet dancer at Bellas Artes in Mexico City but as the oldest of her siblings was forced to leave her passion to raise them. As life unfolded she became a florist and interior decorator following in her mother's footsteps. Her sister was a model who had traveled the world and an actor whose time acting was mostly spent in Mexico City in the same place I would study years later and make my television debut. By all acounts this would help me understand why poetry steals my heart and longs to be written, why acting felt like I had been doing it my whole life the first time I performed as Snow White in my elemetary classroom play and why I have kicked my leg to the top of my head as far as I can remember while always being drawn to move when music comes on. Any kind of music. It is in my blood would always be my response. My mother's side. By all acoounts I could never imagined it was something I longed to do, all of it, consistently whether paid or not because not only did it speak to my soul, but suprisingly because it's in father's family as well. I don't know my grandparents or aunts and uncles etc. Barely knew my father so how could I know them. Till this day I am the only one in my family who acknowledges him as my father and acknowledges his passing. I have my reasons for doing so and my family has their reasons for doing as they wish. Neither one of us right or wrong just on different journeys. A journey which led me home to Austin as I mentioned earlier to heal a very damaged, strained relationship and unbeknownst to me to discover where I came from. Here I met friends of the family and found out one of them was my father's nephew. I remember thinking my birth father? I felt an instant connection and a desire to know more from people who actually knew him. It turns out him and his wife were as drawn to me as I was to them. Last week we sat and chatted for four hours straight and clarity hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't just come home to heal one relationship. I came to heal so many. It is said in certain traditions that one family member is chosen to heal the past of the family so that love can enter and replace the weight of all that is being carried. As we spoke about that it made complete sense to me but something that made a lot of sense as well was my longing to continue to folow my heART no matter where life guides me to. To never stop dancing, literally. Or acting or producing or being out spoken about my connection to God and the universe no matter who that disspells from my life. As it turns out I come from a long line of artists on my dad's side too! They spoke of the bohemian cousin who was a lawyer by day, one of the most respected in Monterrey, but by a night an afficionado of the guitar, which led him to playing for days straight. Then came the story that shed light on why I continue to dance. Why without dance I feel like mother nature without rain or seasons or air. A man by the name of Xavier Garza Galindo.
I knew of my mother and her passion for it which led to me starting classes at three years old. I am so beyond grateful for that. However it was amazing to discover that the beat goes on because of a man who danced in NY and Chicago, LA and had his own dance academy in Monterrey for nine years where my dad's nephew's wife was his student. The beauty undfolded before my eyes and I can tell this is just the beginning and that this will not only help me, whoever in my family is open to it but most of all me and my future family. My husband and children and the fanmily we create together on God's time will indeed greatly benefit from all this healing as well and it is in tha knowledge that I came to understand the profoundness of these words, "Hold on to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road. And although this wave is stringing us along. Just know you’re not alone cause I’m going to make this place your home. Settle down, it'll all be clear. Don't pay no mind to the demons. They fill you with fear. The trouble it might drag you down. If you get lost, you can always be found." HOME! I AM FOUND! I AM HOME! I AM YOU! Lets let the weight that may sometimes string us along be the waters that carry us home. ;-)

God and the universe this $150 dance is for you!

Before I give you the wrong idea let me just say I am not declaring to God and the universe that they can have my $150 from my pole dancing. All of our journeys are different and all require respect because none of us walk in the shoes of other therefore can't afford to know why certain decisions are made however this $150 dance is more of a dance of instruction and guidance. Meaning it was directed by God and instructed through signs delivered by the universe. By the time I made it home for Christmas in 2011 I had done as Mr. Rothman requested when he issued me a thirty day notice to vacate by December 21, 2011. Merry Christmas! At this point I had also had a Happy F You bday Adriana from my latest commercial gig as I was let go and replaced since the client changed their mind. The odds of that are one in a million but so are the odds of winning a car. Get my drift? Having had both things happen to me, Yes I've also won a car, (On merit as Damion likes to remind people), I knew where this was leading. I've been aware of the signs and following their guidance long enough to know what was happening. I wasn't thrilled about the all in one year factor but I kept my faith that as much as was being taken all at once so would I receive, as so much space had been cleared. My father and Neil aside. So when Crystal Pouriad at Seattles Best on Ventura Blvd. asked me "if I believed in God?" as I ordered a cup of coffee I knew something was up. When my phone rang as I cried in the shower at my parent's house not asking but begging for mercy and forgiveness as the darkness was preying on my weakness and it was Crystal on the other end, yet again I knew something was unfolding. It all became clear when emails where exchanged by a woman who wishes to remain anonymous. I will call her Cardiff by the Sea because you see when I wanted anonymity to go heal and finish my book I spoke to her about renting her Cardiff by the sea apartment. Sadly she couldn't do just one month but she gave me more than she imagined or perhaps her rental could have. When I explained why I could only do a month she felt the connection and shared her loss. A sister, hit with cancer twice in one year and concluded I had been truly tossed about by the universe. It was then that it all became clear. Two angels had shared similar loss. The news had covered plenty of loss since the economy collapsed. Ondrea had also lost her home of ten years when I lost mine of eleven. People are dying everyday, loss. Concluding that change is the ONLY CONSTANT, and taxes as Avenue Q reminds us , I set out to buy the best camera $150 could afford. In a sense I was fearless because at this point I had nothing to loose! Being able to see my dad someday after twenty-six years of not seeing him, gone. Dream over. Being able to see Neil work his magic on raising precious Millie, being a loving husband and make a digital movie look like film, making it win a 6000 entry international film competition but in a different more brighter way, gone. Dream over! Laying my head in my room, changing in my dressing area, working in my home office, dancing on the couch with Zoey to Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, gone! Dream over as eleven years of memories and 1,200 sq ft. became living our of my car. I saw two years worth of work on my latest production gone overnight because I couldn't agree to extension terms or being bullied. I was called a fraud, liar and many other names all after saying one word, NO. I stand by what I said in defense of myself because yes I have learned how to take care of me and my team. So while this dream ended I had a hand in this dream being over and I would do it again. Most of all I had trust that God knew there was reason to its end and it would reveal itself in time as it has. Loosing my home, commercial and film all in one month was just as it was meant to be. It became apparent in final negotiations of film option, that God shun a light on the darkness to reveal things I had to see. That clarity made it possible to decipher Crystal and Cardiff by the sea as they entered my life. They gave me the courage to do one of the most brave things I have ever done, not give a fuck. Please truly pardon my French Monseuir and Mademoiselle but when the storm hits like it did in my life and you are left in the aftermath like I was, the last thing on my mind was to play by filmmaking rules. $150 bought me the Nikon L105 and life was gifting me the art. I would have to rely on Mother Nature for lighting as well as set decorations. God would do the directing and this time there would be no acting from me. Simply living life on its terms and trusting with all my heart COME WHAT MAY that I was following the signs. Which allowed me to pick up the camera and DP aka be my own director of photography. In simplest terms camera woman for the first time. A camera I handed to whoever was present when possible. While I avoided telling most what I was doing so no one would act for the camera of those that did know some were quick to tell me how I was missing important elements to filmmaking and could not do it without them forgetting there is no amount of heart equipment or film school can gift you greater than what's already in me. All I had to do was summon the courage to reveal my heart and passion. Remembering that the you can't do it usually means I can't so I will tell you can't either and we will live in the world of someday when we can together. A companionship I do not wish to be afforded so I continued channelling God, remembering the words of Cotter after seeing my first production, The Art of Being, "Well done. I implore you to carry on and see where this takes you." Most of all I continued summoning the courage to decipher and follow the signs. I made a conscious decision to dance through the storm instead of waiting for it to pass because I held a deep understanding in my God compass aka gut that this was not just a dance for me. It was for all of us, for humanity. Loss is a part of life that is usually lived in company of the darkness aka lucifer, negative energy etc. but more than anything it is something all of us WILL experience unlike fame and riches, which society has chosen to place high above all and value the most. I danced, literally, for ME and YOU. I left all worries behind trusting that it was up to me to show that yes I lost but that the only true way to loosing overall would be to not get up and dance, to give up on life. Trust me on a lot of days, like when I was living out of my car and my tire popped on the 101, giving up seemed like the obvious but because I didn't I can now hand over to my greatest teacher my homework assignmment. God and the universe, here it is! I hope you are proud but most of all I hope together we can shine a light on loss and healing. I am beyond humbled that you would truust me to such an extent to carry out the assignment. This $150 dance is yours and miracle is ours! Let the magic of the healing begin! Your most humbled daughter, Adri

"And She Danced, Life after loss" Documentary Trailer from Adriana Garza on Vimeo.

P.S. more can be found at www.facebook.com/adrianagarzaproductions
but here's a taste of the journey. Love at first sight. Borrowing words from a friend. I see you! I know you. I am you. I love you! More magic! My vision on my journal dated January 6, 2012 An accidental outcome. We were shooting one of me doing the splitz in the air that day to be the artwork for the doc and during a dance break I handed my Denise, who was photographing, my iphone and spread my wings. I guess God and the universe had another idea for the artwork. Exceeded my expectation like things do when I leave them in their hands. Once we saw what happened I handed it over to Jonathan Sanhueza for his magical touch. So thanks to Steve Jobs, his invention, Jonathan and of course Mother Nature and God and the universe I have the final artwork. The dream from the pages of my journal has come to life. So the dance continues....

Here comes a fighter.

By society's standards I should or could have amounted to nothing. A Latina raised by a single mother in a country that was not my Mother's with a father who left when I was seven and no college education. If I played by the rules society affords me I might as well have thrown in the towel the day I saw my father leave in his station wagon. But it's those very moments that can define us in the best of ways. I may not have had the easiest of lives but what would I know of my most powerful always present companions, God and the universe, had everything always gone right. I woke up contemplating this because I am still dancing through the tail end of the storm seeing where this tornado is leading once it fully decides to stop. Even once it does life with all it's beauty will still happen on its terms. I choose life because it chooses me. Everyday that I wake up and take my first breath there is wow factor to it for me. I'm here!! It's a miracle. To me it is and if you had walked in my shoes you 'd understand but let's just say Neil waking up as I see death now and transitioning into existence on another realm impacts my view. Somedays I am exhausted like I was last night. It happens when the signs aren't ready to reveal their meaning and I try to decipher them before it's time. So basically when I try to rush the magic. I won't lie. I'm tired! But in all honesty I'm done being so and my conviction solely but surely returned. It was a road you'll see in my documentary because while 2011 may have been the straw that broke LA's back and detoured me to Austin a lot had to happen for me to be ready. Years of preparation. In those years I had to keep up a good fight. I had to know what only I could know because God and the universe where whispering to only me. I am not the labels given to me by society based on my circumstances, which are out my control. I am indeed who I choose to become not in spite of those circumstances but because of them. I choose the labels as I define me and will always keep up a good fight and redefine all that has been defined for me. Even if that means that I have to surround my most beloved bound by blood journey companion who is now closer in distance with love to help dis spell their fear of their supposed journey of demise I am on. It surely hurts when darkness prevails in those you love the most and comes after you, but like I told it, you WILL NOT take them or me down on my watch. Thank you light for showing yourself to counter attack in Ruben's words. I second all he said. "AND THE TYPE OF ARMOR THAT WILL NEVER TAKE DEFEAT AS COMPROMISE. RETREAT, MAYBE BUT, ONLY TO GATHER YOURSELF UP FOR A BIG CHARGE INTO THE BREACH. WE LOVE YOU." I'm back because I was reminded to breathe and then rescued which in the process led to me growing stronger and in the end I became a fighter once more. Do you know why I will succeed darkness? God and the universe know what your ego fails to allow you to see. My fight is not solely for me. It's for humanity as we are all bound by ties that existence gifts us and the biggest one is the light. But I'm preaching to the choir. You already know, after all this isn't the first time you loose. If that means everyday I have to blast this song on my walks to remind you darkness and me than so be it as its words could not be more true. I am coming back because I am ready to reveal the gifts of my circumstances and be the label I choose to be, a loving fighter most of all child of God and the universe. That title carries enough brightness to brighten even the darkest of souls. Shame on you for preying on the weak. Pick on someone your own size. Yes I see you and I am no longer scared of you. Dear reader, I am the chosen one which means so are you. Let's keep up the fight for eachother! See you on the battlefield aka this precious gift called life! This fighter has brought to life these words "Give em hell, turn their heads. Gonna live life 'til we're dead. Give me scars, give me pain. Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me there goes the fighter, there goes the fighter. Here comes the fighter. That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me, THIS ONE'S A FIGHTER." P.S. (c) Cheryl Richardson

I'm not here to entertain fear I am here to shine a light....

Therefore now when I think of you I am not sad. I smile and think of when it was brighter than the sun and I am grateful I got to know what that is like. When I think of the past I am grateful for it gifted me the present. When I miss my LA family I find solace in gratitude for them as their friendship gave birth to my being able to endure 2011 which ultimately birthed, "And She Danced, Life after loss." When I think of the darkness I am grateful as it reminds me of the importance of the light and what it gifts me when I look past its temporary visit. What didn't kill me made me stronger and because I am here to shine light as of this very moment I can no longer be your host and entertain you. Dearest Fear I won't let you linger. I have my wings again, my conviction is back and to you I say see you in the battlefield I'll be the one shinning brightly from within! Thanks for reminding me just how far away from you I must be in order to shine brighter than the sun. My only wish is others like me can find the strength to not host or entertain you as life is brighther than you make it appear but things aren't always what they seem. I'm back and it's almost time. I can genuinely feel it and for that I AM GRATEFUL because who am I to tell fate where its supposed to go. All I simply do is navigate the winds of change and this change, oh my, this change is birthing magic! This blog was inspired by the picture above taken at Town Lake in Austin, July 2, 2012.

The lessons of leaving.

Swimming against the current is a fine thing in my book considering I hold Thomas Jefferson's words in my heart, "In matters of style swim with the current. In matters of principle stand like a rock." I abide by them except in matters of style I stand like a rock as well rooted in individuality, which allows me to express my art of being girlie. In a phone conversation last night a lot of light was shed on my swimming. A dear friend also left Los Angeles ten years before I did. We discussed the freedom that came with leaving behind the dense energy of the city. Being that we are both born and raised Texas girls the energy combined with our natural energy was a tough combo. It is a BEAUTIFUL city with so much to offer but in my experience rooted in superficiality turning truly talented people into people who question their God given talents and sell their individuality for a chance at stardom. We discussed how I had managed to live my way into my late twenties letting go of the tight grip the city's rules/energy had once held on this growing twenty something. How I had learned to swim against the current not fearing but embracing going in the opposite direction. Something I loved to do but, which 2011 proved to be a difficult task as that year I did not swim against the current, I swam against high tides desperately coming up for air whenever I could. What I learned was that sometimes life will take everything from you to get your attention. I thought I had let go, surrendered and was open to the possibilities. That wasn't the case. At least not to the level God and the universe needed me to be or life as I knew it would not had been stripped from me little by little and enough to get my attention. I embraced each detour as it came remaining hopeful that magic was on its way yet again learning that the arrival of it is on God's time. As I get ready to celebrate my mom's Suprise 70th birthday party, which she thinks is my sister's engagement party, I smile because I could have never imagined this. That I'd be here with all my siblings celebrating her. I am stubborn so I refused to leave LA as a bitter divorcee without a settlement, my residuals. But after my Microsoft avail n(being on hold for commercial) did not turn into a booking and two intense weeks followed it I could see clearly what God wanted from me. I guess the Texas plates I saw all over LA where a sign too. ;-) So here I am in Austin living a simple life. A life rooted in individuality in a city that encourages not only that but for you to help keep it weird. I knew I wanted to end up here someday but I never dreamt so soon or under the circumstances, which I came here. Ones you'll see soon as my documentary's trailer is finished and will be up online soon. And ones I wouldn't wish upon anyone and yet I am grateful for them as they were just what I needed in order to get it. Sometimes life will give more than we think we can handle yet I think Mother Teresa said it best, "I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle I just wish he didn't trust me so much." For me it's I wish it didn't trust me so much as I think assigning this mysterious powerful source in the vast unknown of the universe would limit my thinking. ;-) So in leaving LA so many lessons came as you will soon see for yourself soon but most of all yet again a bond grew. The bond with God, the universe and all the magic of the unseen grew as I drove past Arizona, New Mexico and breathed my way into Texas. Breaths that became effortless! In leaving I learned that swimming against the current and knowing how to can definitely come in handy but swimming in high tides, barely breathing and hoping not to drown can truly affect your health. I've learned that in being able to barely breathe I found appreciation for my breath, its importance and what matters most is what I think of me not what others think of me or my circumstances. In leaving I learned that letting go is the path to magic only God and the universe will provide, once again, on their time. After all for me magic just like pain is a choice that can be-li(e)ved in over and over again. The choice to surrender and follow the signs is yours! I'll try to remember as best as I can that " Life is a journey not a destination, there are no mistakes, just chances we take." I took a chance on leaving!