In Loving Memory of a Loving Man, Neil Lisk.

I really don't even know how to begin this blog because to be honest I'd rather be writing one about how annoyed I am with Neil than this. It has been very hard for me to understand one of my very own beliefs in the past twenty-four hours, "everything happens for a reason." I've learned in the past day that there is not enough therapy, al anon, books or anything else to truly prepare you for life on life's terms and for watching someone who you truly admire go home. That is what I call passing. Going home to where we came from. Wherever that is.

Monday a friend came to visit who I had not seen in ten years, Tuesday a friend had her baby, and at this very moment last night, Wednesday, I sat at my computer reading a caption under a friend's tagged picture on facebook in complete denial of what it said. "Mourning the loss of a dear friend, Neil Lisk". I was in denial for so long I called our friend Ricky and asked him to long on and interpret it for me. Then I called over my friend who was visiting me and asked him to interpret it followed by a call to my friend Bev to ask her to interpret it. I decided I would wait until the morning to confirm it. After all Ricky thought it was a joke, a bad one, but one indeed so I decided to cling onto my hope and wait till the morning when someone would confirm it was a joke and then I would speak to Neil. Before going to bed I texted him saying I had a question for him could he talk. I knew what the no response meant but I was waiting on a miracle.

I woke to find people writing messages to him on Facebook and what I had most desired in the world would not be my reality. I finally confirmed with two mutual friends the reality I was so in denial of. One, Kevin, had received an email with the news and one, Paige, had been at his house. My first thoughts were for his precious daughter who he adored and his wife who was truly his bestfriend. Although I had emailed with Liz I never got a chance to meet her or Millie but I knew from Neil how extraordinary he thought they were and how much they meant to him. He not only told you but it showed in his actions.

I can recall like it was yesterday the day I met him back in March of 2008. I was a nervous wreck because I knew of his work, how talented he was, and how well he was regarded in the indie film world. I was producing my first short and wanted him to come on board more than anything. I knew if God conspired to have him come on board then everything else would be fine. It would go on to be more than fine. Not only did he have an amazing work ethic but when we went to hire the rest of the crew I got repeated emails saying how much they wanted to work with Neil even lowering their price to do so. We went on to not only put together an amazing crew but I went on to witness the most amazing DP I have ever worked with on any set do his work with such an ethic it blew me away. One thing you should know about him is not only how amazing his work truly was but what an authentic, genuine, beautiful soul he was. Out of his own sheer will he told me he would be charging me nothing to do my film and if you had witnessed him work you would have sworn I had paid him his price and then some.

I wasn't the only one amazed by his work. The first question out of every one's mouth after seeing our film which went on to win Paulo Coelho's International Film Competition was, "who was your DP?" I joked with him about it and every time I did he always so humble. Especially when he emailed me once asking what I had thought of his work since I had not told him. Honestly I had been caught up trying to make the competition's deadline. I told him I was lucky to have had him. He was the reason the film looked as stunning as it did and while we shot on video people thought we had shot on film. I went on to tell him I wanted to work with him for life and referred him whenever I could. Recently when Jason's manager Vince emailed me about a possibility of doing some PSA's with Jason I immediately said I'd jump at the chance and would love to bring Neil with me. Something I had shared with Neil. Something I never shared was that I thought his work was magical. He had a great eye for creating art. Art that showed how much talent was inside of him but also had a hint of magic to it.

I had been thinking about him this week and while I never IM'd him I had seen him on yahoo IM just this week and thought I haven't nagged Neil in a while I think it's time to. By a while I mean a few months. After the film wrapped it was obvious I had a friend who would later become essential in helping me move forward with my company by mentoring. When I had asked him to DP my current project he gave me an honest answer. He was no longer willing to be away from Millie for that long without what he got paid. He had seen her grow in spurts and no longer wanted to do that. He wanted to be with his family. While my work had been affected by his decision, as I used to dream of raising enough to pay him his worth, I was thrilled at his priorities. This and many other things made him an EXTRAORDINARY, UNIQUE needle in a haystack of a man in this industry we are in.

I would miss him nagging me on set asking me to go to hair and make up after I had already been done up or listening to him ask "where?" after the director said I looked pretty but I was happy about where he was choosing to be these days. I will never forget his face after he knocked on my dressing room door and yelled, "Hurry up what are you making the dress", and when I opened there was Bev standing with me and all of sudden his bold humor turned into a shy smile. He had told Bev she reminded him of his teacher so perhaps it was the I'm in trouble with the teacher look. What he was really trying to do was capture the credits scene of the film before the sunset but expressed it in typical Neil fashion. I would miss the nagging of what felt like that of a brother but I understood why he wanted to be home.

I wish I could tell you in all the ways he helped me but we would be here forever. Not too long ago I mentioned in a blog how he had told me to stand up for myself and reminded me to put my foot down and take control of my current production. He was very firm when he said it but very kind. His words pushed me in that direction and for that and all he guided me through even by mere example I am eternally grateful! This was someone you could learn so much from simply by watching him work. A few months ago I saw him for what would be the last time. I had a few things for Millie so we met at Porto's and caught up. I told him I would raise the money to take him to Austin with me and he smiled. It was a smile of I'm not going but I choose to believe I could make it happen. What I could have never imagined would be that no amount of money would allow him to go to Austin with me as God had other plans.

It's still all too fresh and I still want to pick up the phone and say "Sorry to bother you but could you please tell me for the gazillionth time what the name of the camera is," or "I still owe you Neil so I will be glad to babysit Millie if you and Liz are ever in a bind", but most of all I just want to be able to call him and hear him say "Hey A." He never called me Adriana or Adri as most people do, simply A. What I'm thinking about most in this very moment is how gracefully he handled a minor third party conflict once. When I told him I understood if he didn't want to speak to me again as I got that his loyalty maybe with his longtime friend he replied, "A, it's the past we move forward from today on and of course I am talking to you." That was Neil, able to see the good in everyone past my mistake by leaving it in the past, kind with everyone, a ridiculously hard worker, great listener, TALENTED and most of all a proud family man.

Neil as I saw on your facebook page today everyone echoes my sentiments and it made me smile. I wasn't being byast as some may think I was simply witnessing the art of being Neil Lisk. I am so blessed to have crossed paths with you! Thank you for the all ways in which you touched our lives. In case you didn't catch on I looked up to you the way I do to few, which allowed me to have one hundred percent trust in you. I will miss you deeply! Love, someone who wishes she could have been your little sister and is grateful she was treated like one. Harsh jokes and all. ;-)

I can't lie so I must say I wish we could go back to yesterday and have a do over. I really do. I'll see you when the universe conspires. This one is for you as I know wherever it is you are, you are definitely making someone smile and probably figuring out a way to make your new scenery look stunning. ;-) I trust God needed some help with that and he could only call on the best.


To see Neil's extraordinary work in what ended up being a very short career you can visit www.adrianagarza.com and see The Experimental Witch or visit his site at www.neillisk.com.