As I prepare to rise...

I see clearly what is happening. I see how God is working, its magic, as usual, so that I can come out on the other side becoming more than I thought I could be. I kept hearing that I needed to sign up for something. There was a part of my life that had been unattended but I attributed to not having time, funds or whatever excuse I told myself to not face the fear of how weak this may prove me to be if I stepped into it. What has come up a lot and you will see in the documentary is, balance. I believe I strive to strike a balance between my spiritual side and my human being side. Sometimes as I have learned the balance gets thrown off and it takes the clear signs from God and the universe to show me that I need to even the scales to get me to the place I need to in order to work through whatever needs balance restored. This time it took some unexpected experiences and some inspiration from the most unlikely of places to focus on striking a balance. You may not picture me as a girl who would not only fall in love with Snow White and the Huntsmen but be also be inspired by it but I am. Any story that includes the light being born of the darkness is definitely for me. Not matter how long you try and hide the light up in a tower it will prevail. Or in a cell.So add the recent Batman to my inspiration. Elizabeth the Golden Age and even Katy Perry's documentary are also sources of inspiration to approach the beautifield of life after all I have been through. I never knew how powerful those words were till recently. It was in watching the leaves fall at zilker botanical gardens that I realized just how much re-telling the story had affected certain parts of my life. It became apparent how much I struggled to let go of 2011 and it wasn't till I crossed paths with a particular man that I realized I'd made myself a victim of it. Not in all ways of course as my documentary will showcase but in this particular way, which I will some day reveal and which he forms a part of. When he looked me in the eyes and said "okay so you let your _____ become a victim of it. Time to move on and push through the fears", I knew exactly what God was doing. I had felt a gut instinct recently that the rise is nearing and the signs confirmed it. Something that may only make sense to me but logically as we know by law of gravity what goes down must come up. What I know goes beyond logic. It was in watching a rough cut of my doc that I saw so clearly what I could not process as well when I lived it as I can now. The darkness as I call it, had shown up repeatedly to test me as I already knew. That is why each time no matter how defeated I may have felt or allowed my spirit to feel I got up. What I wasn't making then is a connection I can clearly see now. In order to be ready to move forward I must be ready and do what is asked of me. This time I must connect mind, body and spirit. One of which had been left out for quite a while. If I want to take flight as high as I am being asked to I must train. I can't just expect to get up and take such altitudes without preparation. So when he yells at me "Don't stop Adriana. I don't care if you have to pace yourself but don't ever stop." I can clearly connect it all. I also know that if I stopped and fell he'd be the first to catch me, which is why I secretly smile when he says, "Good I expected you to puke. Puke on them and move on. Don't stop. You are here to push past the pain. You are not a victim." I smile because I clearly see the light and hear God. So from fear I am rising. I am growing in a new direction while a connection is being made. I am rising from all I have lost to all I am have been and will continue to gain due to the loss and space created. As I ask myself "who I am living for/", I know the answer is you, me and the human spirit. Now I get that my body nor my mind will keep me from being ready for the flight. As my chosen father reminds me, retreat mija yes but only to come back stronger, and so the preparation continues.