The sounds of my healing.

This past week I previewed the documentary with a few people. My friend Jennifer sent me such a beautiful raw email it compelled me to tell her all about the music that got me through the growth. I am no stranger to the ways in which God communicates with me. A timely song, a movie, the words of friend, and a perfect hike are all ways in which I can clearly hear someone I can't see communicate with me. So in 2011 when it all started to shift the moment I heard this song tears filled my eyes as I could see how God was asking me to do something we all do without a second thought. However now I would be required to work on it. To truly breathe so I could get through this. So I did just that and before I knew someone sang a song at a friend's brunch and there was God, my dad, Neil, grandpa and all my angels saying we got you. We will rescue you when you feel you need it and it's okay to feel like you need to be rescued. More than anything I felt God was telling me to let go of my superwoman complex. That everyone needs to be rescued once in a while. So I let go and allowed myself to be rescued in the words of a friend. With the seasons changing came the strength I thought I would never acquire again. It gave me the ability to pack up my place, put in storage and go home for Christmas and when I went back to Los Angeles I pounded the streets of Los Feliz with the song blaring in my ears as I took walks building up strength for what was coming. I had finally started to grow stronger. This strength that took me through four months of uncertainity in Los Angeles redirected me Austin and with it I made a drive across the states back to the place that had given me one of the greatest gifts, my art. Here I began to do what I had not been able to since Neil transitioned. I started to run again and loose myself in the beauty of town lake and I could clearly hear God telling me that I was indeed once again a strong fighter. As I struggled to keep up the good fight and not become a victim of the current circumstances and people's lack of self love being projected onto me I had to go somewhere I am not comfortable going. I had to get angry. The good kind of angry. The angry that allowed me to see that my chosen father was right with a boot pressed up against my neck I would not be able to do all of the above. That if 2011 had not made me a victim of circumstance than there was no way I would let the words of fear embodied by those I love and thrown my way on a daily basis to get the best part of me. They where not going to break my soul with their sticks and stones in form the form of fear. Knowing this led me to cross path with a man who did what no one had during this shift I and many people have been living in different forms. He looked me in the eye without an ounce of poor you and told me that I had allowed myself to become I victim and that with him I was there to push past the pain. He cuts me no slack and if he feels sorry for me doesn't show it. I needed that. The only way I could get to this place today and not be destroyed was by breathing, being rescued, growing stronger, keeping up the fight, and being ready to fight back and not let anyone or anything take the best part of me, my soul. Music is amazing! No words can truly capture my gratitude for how it always gently guides me into the light. This caterpillar will emerge on God's time when the season is right. In my heart I know the current man in my life is the final piece of the puzzle not so gently but necessarily guiding me back to myself and into the what next. I needed to be here just as I am to be able to understand and accept the crossing of my path with his. A minute to soon and I may have given up. I can clearly see how all my yesterdays where guiding me into today. May you find the meaning in your journey and the ability to...