Words can't even begin to describe the joy that overwhelms me and takes over my being as I type. I am truly at a loss for words and at the same time in immense gratitude. Speaking of gratitude if you made your way here through Jason's blog please know that the story he referred to as amazing but not suprising is the one titled Me and Paulo Coelho....how the universe conspired to cross our paths. Speaking of Jason I "met" him yesterday. I say "met" because it was via webcam. I have to say that he is everything Eric and Alison said he is and that was a welcome refreshing experience. Sadly in the past year I've been in one or more experiences where the person sells who they are and are actually the opposite of what they sell, keyword sell. Jason doesn't sell. Jason just is. He is being and by him simply being he took away some of the sadness my heart still held onto when memories of past experiences surfaced.
I have recently come to terms with the idea that outing my humanatarian efforts is not a bad thing. I used to want it to be between me, God and the universe. Our secret. After seeing the impact Jason has through his blog and how his community of friends on there react to his posts about taking care of eachother and the planet I thought what the heck. Sure my forum is not quite as big as his but I have never thought bigger is better and whole heartedly believe even one person can make a huge impact with their actions. Like I said in one of my monologues, When Faith meets Fate, onstage in The Art of Being, "Saving lives its in the little unseen things we do everyday!" And I'd like to add I'm outting them so that one more person can be inspired to be the change they wish to see in the world.
I am overwhelmed with joy, happiness, amazement and many other things because once again the signs are coming to life! Sooner that I expected I might add. Today was the day I was supposed to hear from the UNICEF headquarters in NY in regards to my position as a volunteer Ambassador for their Tap Project . The same thing my commercial is based on. A seven month commitment which makes me responsible for a lot of things like producing the fundraiser in Los Angeles, recruiting volunteers and restaurants but most importantly helping children in underdeveloped countries have a chance of getting what you and I can at any given moment we choose to, clean water.
Well yesterday when I was en route to my shoot with my friend Eric and Jason, Eric's friend, I got notified that I had been selected!! A day early I might add! I would also like to add that Jason did not know Eric and I were friends further making our connection more magical and Eric had no idea about the reposting of my blog on Jason's until I told him....oh yeah the universe is truly amazing! Take a look at the final product which was shown at LRO's Annual Fundraiser and which I produced, Jonathan and Bennett wrote, my editor Leslie took care of on set technicalities, and my former agent/amazing friend Danielle tagged along to make sure I didn't faint. So thanks to them, Josh, Jesse, and of course Eric and Jason for doing it!
Anyway my friends know that I have been a supporter of UNICEF for a long time so when the signs pointed to the commercial I was amazed and when they started to point to becoming an Ambassador to an organization I hold in high regards and whose work I deeply admire well all I could think of was THANK YOU GOD for prompting the Universe to guide me into living a life that is MAGICAL!!!
I had been feeling it coming on for a while now but this week on Monday I couldn't get this song of out my head. As I took a very early hike I could literally feel the winds of change surround me and begin to take me in the direction I was meant to go. On my hikes is where I have my conversations with God, revel in the magic of the universe as the birds circle above and the trees shade me from the sometimes overwhelming heat. Most of all it's where I live my way into the answers when the butterfly appears as a sign that the metamorphisis is over and it's time to move forward. So now I face my dreams as a reality and I begin to prepare for what turned out to be a magical universal conspiracy. You see when I had my intial interview with UNICEF and was told of the mandatory trip to NY for training I was given dates that may have to make me choose between my film's world premiere in Rome and UNICEF. In my heart I knew the answer. You can't compare my two passions, the arts and humanatarian work, at all. They give me such different satisfaction and because of that I knew in my heart that I would go to UNICEF's training.
As I conversed with God and the universe I said it would pain me to not see my film's world premiere on the big screen with an audience after the amazing journey that brought me there but that I would understand that they knew what was best for me. I knew because I had repeatedly been taken through situations that had shown me my trust in their guidance was put to good use! Well this Monday, the day I felt the winds of change surround me, I found out that the premiere is on October 20th. So now it's the weekend in NY and a red eye to Rome Sunday night just in time for the premiere Tuesday night. Yes once more my trust has been put to good use.
Now details of how this will happen want to take over my being and strip me of my certainity. Well you see when you invest everything in your productions, three of your commercials go unaired in a row, and the money you win for the film competition is not even half of what your film cost well then yes it's obvious that I will have to rely once again on God and the Universe. Been paying attention to my blogs? I'm in good hands!! So far none of my sponsors have been able to donate an airline ticket but TRUST ME it's going to happen. I will make it to ROME. It's a good thing my journey has taught me to not only rely on miracles but expect them! Hope my story inspires you to follow your heart's beat and dance to the rhythm of your own drum. These are always with me to remind me of that which being a soul having a human experience can sometimes make me temporarily forget. Oh yes my dear friends the magic has just begun....stay tuned......to be continued! "It's magic you know...NEVER believe it's not so!" ;-)
Speaking of following if you made your way to my blog via Jason's please note that the one he called an amazing but not suprising story is the one titled Me and Paulo Coelho...how the universe conspired to cross our paths. Not that this one won't be a good read but I don't want to mislead you. No witches, hexes or exes here. ;-)
I've always been a believer in signs but it took a while to actually follow them and really learn to decipher what they mean to me. I used to want everything to be a sign in hopes of getting what I wanted but as time went on I realized that if I was truly following the signs sent to me by the universe I usually did not get what I wanted. I actually got more and better than what I wanted. Here are some recent examples of this. I always thought I would be in front of the camera but never behind. The signs asked me to go behind the scenes and because I did The Art of Being and The Experimental Witch were born. If you've read my other blogs you know what all that produced. Quite the journey.
In the LOVE department I thought I had everything I wanted and more in my "soulmate" so the universe would conspire someday. It really wasn't but I was holding on for dear life in hopes of willing because I wasn't open to the possiblity that somebody who actually shared my beliefs existed. However when the signs pointed to that possibility of his existence I surrendered control, let go of the soulmate after three years, and I am currently living my way into what I deemed impossible simply by trusting, letting go, believing, and above all being OPEN, which makes me ready to receive what I deserve. His existence has brought to life one of my favorite quotes, "If we were to judge nature by common sense or likelihood, we wouldn't believe the world existed." He reminds me of this shot I took today in Malibu. It seemed impossible to be able to capture such beauty but when the moment was right I did.
Thank God I let go and surrendered my will when the signs came because I was unknowingly stuck in a place where the likelihood of his existence was well...yikes...I'll admit it...none. Oh and I haven't met him just yet but the signs are leading me to him because I believe in that which I have not seen but the universe whispers to me about.
People often ask me about the signs and here is all I can truly tell you with full honesty based solely on my experience. They will come at the perfect moment making it truly awe inspiring and magical and make sense to no one but you. That I have learned and continue to learn. What I mean is when I've tried to tell people about them and where they are leading I've often worried them into cautioning me and trying to limit my thinking. They'll respond with, "Be careful you're setting you're yourself up to get hurt." Meanwhile I'm thinking I'm setting myself up to receive that which I deserve. In the end I will never know what truly worries people the fact that I follow the signs or the fact that they led to where I said they were. These days I tend to journal more about it and just let people watch the magic in my life unfold and hopefully my example will open them up to the magic of the signs and following them. They are after all there for all of us!
I guess I used to be intent on explaining them because I desire for all of us to live a life filled with happiness, joy, and love which I think comes from following your passion. Therefore I wish people would let go of the restrictions produced by their minds as to what can or can not happen. As I see it if you don't it makes it a lot tougher to follow a sign. What I mean is if you think something is not possible and a sign comes trying to take you to that you will not be able to follow the path because you deemed it not possible or yourself not deserving. Therefore a sign leading you there will become an interesting thing that happened but in the end not really of importance.
On the subject of being not deserving can someone please tell me who has a right to instill in anyone's mind that they don't deserve something. Seriously that is just not how I see the universe working. No one I tell you no one has a right to define you or your worthiness but YOU! So start praticing silencing the committee, tuning into your inner voice/gut, and the signs will become more apparent. Oh and by the committee I mean all those voices in your head telling you that you are wrong, a failure, or not good enough. Basically anything having to do with any negative comment you've ever heard about yourself that battles your truth constantly in order to let fear win out. You may have heard this before but it's worth repeating. FEAR IS FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. If you haven't heard it then there you have it.
All of this of course takes practice and will always take practice. We have created a very competitive society so it's easy for people to make careless comments not realizing the impact of their words. Intentionally? Rarely. Carelessly? Unfortunately yes. You see I think people forget sometimes to think before they speak. THINK SPELLS OUT THOUGHTFUL, HONEST, INTELLIGENT, NECESSARY, KIND. Is what people say always that? No but again I don't think it's intentional so it's up to you and me to decide what our truth is.
Look I did a play based on humanity being equality because in the center of my being that is my truth. I do not believe anyone to be their job. I don't believe in ranking and I sure as hell don't support the prettier you are the more value you hold mind frame. Beauty in my world is subjective, in the eye of the beholder, and above all for me an illusion. The skin veils the soul and for me your soul is where it's at. Just some thoughts of what I learned along the way on my journey that led to me understanding how to follow the signs. A sense of self and self worth will allow you to trust what the universe is trying to take you through and to. It's up to us to deem ourselves worthy of receiving the gift of a life that exceeds our expectations and anything we dreamt of, which the universe is trying to bestow upon us.
Are you worried about me yet? I kid because the truth is I meant what I said above, the signs will only make sense to you! Afterall it's your journey. Trying to convince anyone of that which only your heart feels is wasted energy better spent on trusting yourself and the universe of that, which you know you know. All while remembering that "faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and RECEIVES THE IMPOSSIBLE." I do not want to take from my journey and simplify it in a way that is unfair to you as you live in your struggles. Therefore I feel the need to share that I spent four years in therapy, read so many books from Coelho to Don Miguel Ruiz to Murakami to Brian Weiss that I should have just moved into Borders, and I am currently and will forever be a member of Al Anon because my journey is about PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION. By the way perfection doesn't exist. Anybody with me on having the word taken out of the dictionary? ;-)
In the end your life should make complete sense to only you and inspire others to have theirs make sense to them. I wish Emerson was alive today so I could have tea with him. I'd ask him to decipher his essay on Fate for me. I have read it so many times. I will forever be grateful that when I began therapy I ran across this quote of his, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is your greatest accomplishment." I believe that if you follow the signs you will bring that quote to life. May you find the courage within you to fully grasp that life is not only magical and wonderful but above all not guaranteed therefore prompting you to follow the signs and LIVE YOUR DREAMS AND PASSION. For me the cost of the challenges in the life I chose to live is outweighed by the gift it is to do that which I am truly passionate about.
Here was one of many signs this week. While I was out doing Meals on Wheels and driving down Maple Dr. I spotted a mobile blood donating center. Huh? I was going to need one for one of the actions in the We Are What We Do challenge I am doing. I was just thinking about it and there it was. Should I stop or figure it out later? Well of course I stopped and thanked the universe for leading me once again. You don't have to be led to extravagant amazing things all the time sometimes it's about the simple things in life being made accessible too. It's all in how we SEE things.
Here I am picking up Meals on Wheels. I've known Pat for ten years and she really needs volunteers so if you are in the Beverly Hills area or could volunteer in that area please call her at 310-423-3517 and tell her I sent you. Getting my blood drawn. This mobile donation center was for the CHLA and you can find the mobile donating center by visting the Children's Hospital Los Angeles site.
Showing off my blood donation. And finally my battle wound. Oh and if you should ever find yourself in Austin please do as my shirt says, KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD. Take my shirt as a sign. ;-)
Where do I even begin to count my blessings? So many! Well the first one would be being able to be here right now writing this, a HUGE blessing. I can’t say the following blessing was completely unexpected because the signs were pointing to it but it is still VERY surreal. Jason Mraz re posted my blog on his blog helping unite all of us with like minds and in the process helping us all feel connected and less alone. Since he did that I have met some amazing people and two women who I now call friends, Andi and Sarah. Thank you Jason for unknowingly bringing this amazing blessing via these beings into my life! The universe definitely conspired in all this. I tell you the reader about this blessing in case you made your way here from Jason’s blog and to tell you that the blog he called an amazing yet not surprising story is the one below titled, Me and Paulo Coelho…how the universe conspired to cross our paths. What a blessing it is indeed to be able to write this right now and tell you about it. The mystery of what the unknown brings continues to blow me away.
2009 began as all years do for me now, in complete awareness of being in the unknown as I was being prepared for the what next and living my way into it. As an actor/producer I never know what is going to happen next. I am very aware of that, which is why I am a big believer in signs. I consider the signs to be subtle yet poignant and for me come at the right moment and what APPEARS to be out of nowhere. You know that moment when you go, “huh what a coincidence I was just thinking about ________ and here it is.” Oh did I mention I don’t believe in coincidences? ;-)The most important thing for me about the signs is having the courage to follow them. So after two weeks with my family in Texas I ran back, excuse me I came back to Los Angeles full of hope for what 2009 would bring me.
It had been four months since I had won Coelho’s competition and a few since my dinner in Europe with him so the door to that experience had closed. Once again I was in the dark hallway in the stillness of the unknown waiting to open the door to the what next when the universe prompted me. I will say very openly that as an actor for hire the commercial world has always been a struggle for me. I am not big on SELLING people the idea that they can be better or worthy by acquiring things and in the process tricking them into believing that is where self esteem and worth lies. However like you I have to make a living and I consider the commercial world my way of taking that money and using it to do what I am passionate about aka The Art of Being and The Experimental Witch. Did I mention three of my last five commercials did not air and UNICEF I did free of charge so that left me with residuals from just one commercial in the past three years? We make our money based on how much a commercial airs. So yes I RISKED EVERYTHING and moved forward with the tour of my play and my film and in the end had big payoffs. Maybe not financially...yet! But trust me what following my passion gave me no amount of money could give me!!! NONE! If you want proof of the universe knowing and being in the details here’s one for you.
With the Toyota Moving Forward Award I was presented by Glamour Magazine I won a 2007Toyota Camry Hybrid.
Pretty picture right? Well here’s what you don’t know and what lies behind what our eyes see. The week I paid off my Jeep Cherokee it broke down. It wouldn’t stop shaking uncontrollably and the dealer couldn’t figure out what was wrong so they advised me to move on. Really?! With what money exactly? I just spent over $12,000 on a car. So pissed at the circumstance I leased a Jetta. I owned that Jetta for a lot less than its lease term because the universe not only conspired to give me a new car with the award but I received a car that lined up with my beliefs, a hybrid.
So do you see how the universe was paying me back for my faith? Yes money is a currency I need to buy things but I truly don’t want things and the universe knows that too because it knows me like no one knows me. Like I’ve told Shari, you can cheat others and yourself but you can’t cheat the universe, it knows.
So that money I’ve invested into my productions is coming back. Fairly soon actually that’s where the signs are pointing but I had to walk through all I have to get to where I am and where I am going. It’s just how God and the universe wanted it and it's how I came to be who I am today. My journey I consider a HUGE BLESSING! Challenges and all. My only hope is that my mom wouldn’t have taken things as personal as she did. All I’ve endured has pained her more than I wanted it to and I am sorry my threshold for pain aka living in the unknown and faith have caused her and my family worry and sadness. Deep down inside though my biggest HOPE is that it opened them up to the endless possibilities simply by witnessing what became my reality because of my faith. We truly are what we believe we are and accomplish what we believe we can. MAKE SURE YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOUR GUT TELLS YOU TO AND NOT WHAT I, OTHERS, OR SOCIETY TELLS YOU TO. BELIEVE WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU IN THE CENTER OF YOUR BEING AND IT WILL PAY OFF I PROMISE!
So here I was starting off 2009 in even more faith and trust based on all I had seen and not seen. Not seen you ask? Well it’s like Emerson said, “All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.” That sums my beliefs up pretty well! So as people were asking what now Adriana? How do you top an award with a car and winning your favorite author’s film competition? All I was thinking was you don’t! You just continue to believe in the beauty of what the unknown CAN CONTINUE TO BRING TO LIFE. They only certainty I had was that only God and the Universe knew and be ready. At least I was ready because when my agent called in February to tell me I had an audition for UNICEF I clearly saw God and the Universe's magic. CLEARLY!!! Thirteen years of auditioning for commercials and NEVER had I had such an opportunity but after years of being a UNICEF supporter and donor, especially at Halloween when I carry my trick or treat box, it was time. Time to have my beliefs line up with my work in an area I never thought possible but the Universe held the possibilities open for me EVEN when I was temporarily unable to.
I gave it my all at my audition where everything was left up to my imagination and taking myself to a place where I couldn’t give my child its most desired and deserved need, water. Children have always held a very special place in my heart and imaging myself not being able to give a baby what EVERYONE deserves to have was hard and easy. Hard because I am in disbelief that in this day and age water is a privilege for some. WHAT?!!!! Easy because I would definitely feel the desperation of the situation take over me were I ever in it. Can you believe people are facing this scenario even as I type this? Again WHAT?!!!! But UNICEF'S Tap Project is helping change that. As I was headed to my callback I received a call from the producer asking if I was on my way. Of course! She said she was rooting for me and I was her favorite. Again I saw God and the universe clearly.
There I was once more but this time being watched by the director, Alejandro Ortiz the creative behind the concept and the executive producer. In a tiny room with a throw cushion as my child, my imagination and God guiding me I became a mother in desperate search of water for her baby. It was the quickest audition I ever booked. Within two hours I got the call saying I had the job. I can’t recall any other time when I had booked a job where I had been this excited and grateful. Did I confuse you because I am not getting paid so what am I grateful for exactly? I am grateful that once again my belief in God and the universe guiding me was reaffirmed! That my trust in the process and faith in the unknown grew yet again. But most of all that my patience for living in the unknown and letting go of control, not an easy thing and something acquired after years of driving myself crazy willing life and being under the illusion of control, had brought to life once again a HUGE blessing and a beautiful reality.
Other blessings have followed since and I am grateful for all of 2009 has brought me. My third appearance in GLAMOUR Magazine came this year as well and it included a FABULOUS paid for trip to NY for the photo shoot. Huge blessing since travel these days for me is scarce. Here's the final product.
My sister’s second adopted son, Joaquin, became part of the Garza Ruiz Cortazar clan a few weeks ago. Here he is in Monterrey, NL Mexico being held by his new mom and my beautiful sister Veronica. Next to her is her husband and on her other side is my sister Ivonne, my brother Enrique, and my niece Marifer.
God be with this child. ;-) Just kidding we may all be very different but it is those differences that make us a great family to be a part of and for that I am eternally grateful! I am the youngest of seven and then throw in my mom, step dad, his family, my brother’s and sister’s dad and his family and well you’ve got quite a diverse group, which I will always be blessed to be a part of.
This year also brought the news of The Experimental Witch not being able to make the Sundance deadline because some of the winners did not send in the contract in on time, followed by not being accepted into Cannes and finally getting our world premiere at the Rome Film Festival. Third times a charm! At least for me. It took me three tries to win a pageant back in the day. Good old Texas habits. ;-) Oh and guess what I made it to Cannes after all. My commercial for Unicef’s Tap Project was one of 10 finalists in the fundraising category from over 4000 entries at the Cannes Lions Awards in June. On September 18, 2009, the commercial won its first award . Do you see how the universe pays me back? With moments that take my breath away! Glad I listened to myself and what God was whispering in 2006, “DO WHAT YOU LOVE THE MONEY WILL FOLLOW.” Okay waiting on the money part and although it will make SOME things easier it will never be able to do what my experiences have done. Like this amazing experience!
The list of blessings truly is endless and I could go on forever but I do want you to get back to your life. Hopefully I haven’t lost you yet like I did my friend Eric He went to Jason’s blog to see my blog and then said, “I only got half way through your blog I can’t do it all in one sitting.” No offense taken it’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Another blessing of 2009 is having the ability to continue to not take things personally always remembering that people see the world as they are not as it is. And Eric, he is actually another blessing of 2009 who has reminded me of what it's like to laugh so hard you almost pee your pants. I said almost people! Last time I peed my pants I was like twenty-five and in church with my mom. Who knew church could be so funny? Of course we left early. True story. When my mom lets go she is such a riot even in what she considers the house of the one, the lord, the almighty and to some the non-existent. Oh our family has an atheist and my idea of God has a sense of humor. It really wanted to mess with my mom and that is a blessing too. We ALL need to grow in this short but beautiful life!
Count your blessings even the ones that annoy you because how would we grow without a family or society constantly trying to make us something we aren’t? How would we know to grow in faith, love, compassion, hope, courage, strength, patience and all those great things that make life so worth living if we weren’t tested in life by challenges. You don’t know faith because everything is handed to you. You know faith because somethings have not been handed to you WHEN YOU WANTED IT but you moved forward trusting that when the time was right you would be given all you needed no matter what things looked like. Having the ability to live life on life’s terms and accepting what is not what you wish was is such a blessing. Being able to read this right now is another and having gratitude for all you have well huge blessing. To top it all off for me I get to have a beautiful young woman in my life who is teaching me so much and preparing me for one of the greatest gifts life will give me, the ability to create life with someone I love and respect, soon. I see the signs. So Zoey our ever growing ever changing friendship that gives me a glimpse into my future with my own children is a HUGE blessing of 2009. I never knew my heart could love the way it does! Thank you for teaching me this kind of love.
I will bid you farewell by letting you in on a fresh new blessing that came after I wrote the blog, the universe is whispering its time and I...I AM READY. Roald Dahl was quoted as saying, “Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” More magic? Yes!!! I am up for the position of Los Angeles Ambassador for Unicef’s Tap Project!!!! Oh dear God and Universe thank you. I look forward to confirming my belief with you soon. So it will be UNICEF in NY then The Experimental Witch premiere in Rome
To you, no not you Paul,sorry that ship has sailed but thank you for your once amazing support. Your belief in me did what it had to when it had to. Being able to FINALLY let you go is an amazing blessing I am eternally grateful for! May your film bring your work the recognition it deserves and may your new life be filled with love and happiness!
You...yes you! Don't doubt it I am talking to you and you know who you are. ;-) To you my soul mate, I read this today and thought of you, “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because your reality is better than your dreams.” I know soon you will be my reality so to you I say, life has been preparing me to be able to know and accept that I deserve what you have to offer, unconditional love, and I am a ready to add you to my list of blessings of 2009. You already are a blessing. Meet you when the planets align and both of us are open to SEEING the other. May you the reader be able to see all the blessings in your life and may you know and TRUST this, “You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you all your own!” Dellinger. Now go on and create your blessings using your UNIQUE magic! Sarah Forrester this is for you and me and anyone living their way into the answer through the unknown.
I feel the need to say that although I am sure Jason wouldn't mind you reading this blog if you found your way to my blog via his blog but please know he was referring to the blog below this one titled, Me and Paulo Coelho....how the universe conspired to cross our paths. That's what he called an amazing though not surprising story.;-)
While I write this I am staring at my cup of tea which reads on one side, the universe knows and on the other let abundance flow and all I keep thinking is the Universe keeps whispering it's time and I....I AM READY. A lot is about to unfold in the next coming month for me. How do I know? Well the universe has been preparing me for this. I look at the months before the unfolding happens and beautiful things are revealed as my metamorphosis. I was saying to Bev the other day that I usually find myself in metamorphosis for three months, like the seasons changing, and at the end out comes this beautiful reality which was created because of the challenges not in spite of them. Just like the life span of a butterfly is two weeks the moments produced by my metamorphisis are short too but so worth it. I take them in by being present in the moment and then move on into the unknown once again preparing to live my way into the what next which will produce another beautiful reality yet again.
The first time I realized this happened was when I was up for the award from Glamour Magazine and Toyota. I had to wait three months between being announced a finalist and winning. Those three months contained a lot of challenges. It was 2006 and the first time I was going through something like that. I will say that back then I let people get to me. I should say I let people's lack of belief in me or the beauty that the unknown can produce get to me. I knew what was going to happen and I would try to explain to people that I was going to win because life had led me to that experience and through it. I would tell them it had NOTHING to do with me being better than Kate, the other finalist for the award, but simply that this was where I was being led to be at that moment in my life.
I don't believe in right or wrong or better than but that is another blog because as I am sure you've noticed I'm lengthy. So I did go on to win, which was beautiful, surreal, and so many other things! However most of all for me it was not about the car I won or the exposure I received it was about the journey that those three months bestowed upon me. I learned so much about patience that I did what Emerson suggests, "Adapt the pace of nature, her secret is patience." Patience for me and others because this was about so much more than I realized until I was in it. I learned that when you stand up for something others will try to silence you if they feel threatened by your certainty so it taught me about patience with those who have yet to believe in the magic you can help life produce by simply believing and acting upon those beliefs. I also learned about patience with myself and my doubts. I learned that even though I knew at the center of my being my truth that it was okay to temporarily let others doubts become mine because that not only taught me to be patient with myself but reminded me I was human.
Most of all in the end it was about all of us! The audiences we encountered, the cast and myself uniting for humanity. Here I am pictured below, in the middle, enjoying the moment at my award ceremony with the cast. These beautiful actors, some are missing, were the main reason I was there. Without them this play, The Art of Being, which was intended to be diverse and unite humanity while opening us up to the idea that there is always more to all of us than what meets the eye would have never worked. So this metamorphosis was as much theirs as it was mine. I miss you guys so much!!!
Needless to say the same thing happened with Athena, The Witch of Portobello.
I am a big believer that none of us truly know what will come next. Sure we can believe we do by setting up lives we think we control because of certain elements we set them up in but the truth is none of us know what tomorrow will bring. So I accept that I have chosen to live with awareness in the unknown. Which means prior to the sign that pointed me to becoming a "witch" I was in the dark hallway in the stillness of the unknown in between doors. One had been closed behind me, The Art of Being, and one was waiting to be opened but until that happened I was in metamorphosis uncertain of what would come next but faithful that God could continue to put my dreams to shame with what was to follow so I had to continue to apply that which I had learned so much about, patience.
You should have seen my face when the sign came as to what would happen next. Really? Me and Coelho? WOW!!!! I saw God and the universe show up repeatedly through out this yet again, three month journey. Three months to complete the project and meet its deadline, three months waiting to confirm that we'd won. Oh and this time I told everyone, from the cast and crew to friends and family, we were going to win yet again. The big difference is this time I did not feel the need to explain. I had come to understand through my past experience that by seeing my example people could then choose whether to open their minds to the beauty of that which can not be seen but simply felt with our hearts as Hellen Keller has been quoted to have said, or not. I learned that I couldn't make anyone believe. It was up to them to choose.
How did God show up through The Experimental Witch? In so many ways. From the locations, which were the homes of my bestfriend Sheri and my friend Bev, already designed to look like what we needed, London and Beirut to seeing God and the universe's magic in Jessica who blew me away from the moment she opened her mouth at her first audition and it was very apparent she was Samira, Athena's mom. Let's not forget the man who on his own decided not to charge me at all for what I consider to be amazing work, my DP Neil Lisk .
The list of blessings during this production is endless but in the end the result was the same. When the metamorphosis ended and I shed my cocoon all of us were yet again living a reality that exceeded anything we dreamt of.
So here I am today about to end another metamorphosis. It comes to an end in October. I am uncertain of what will come next for me once this one ends but as I am sure you may have caught on I am putting all bets on God and the universe yet again. I do see where the signs are pointing and have to tell you it's surreal as the others were. Really? WOW! Unconditional love among other things...I agree it's time and I am ready. Once again thank you God! Thank you Universe! I am eternally grateful for the life you are allowing me to live and I can't wait to share this upcoming reality with the world! To you the reader I say open your eyes, mind, heart, soul, and being and I PROMISE you in the whispers of the stillness the unknown brings you WILL hear what you are meant to be doing, living, and experiencing. My only hope for you is that you TRUST YOU DESERVE WHAT THE WHISPER IS SAYING TO YOU AND WHEN YOU DO YOU WILL SEE A REALITY THAT I CAN ONLY PRAY EXCEEDS ANYTHING YOU DREAMT OF!
On February 12, 2008 I was dealt what seemed a pretty harsh card two days before Valentine's. After our first big fight my boyfriend decided he didn't want to be with me anymore because "my beliefs worried him, my convictions were too strong, and I was too humanitarian." Okay? I had gotten to a point in my life where the most important thing to me was to be able to be me anytime. This meant that everything that worried him about me was everything I liked about myself so we would have no resolution and parting ways was the best move to make even if it felt abrupt.
Instead of going to Santa Barbara with him for Valentine's I went home to Austin to cry the night's away in the company of my sister in my favorite city. As I departed for the airport I grabbed the latest Paulo Coelho novel The Witch of Portobello, which had remained on my nightstand unopened because I had been touring with my play. As I began reading it on the plane ride I could not put it down. I was identifying with the Witch of Portobello's desire to be seen and loved for who she was and her struggles with many including her mother to let her be and accept her and her choices. Once in Austin I couldn't put the book down. I sat in the corner of my sister's apartment with my tea looking out the window at my favorite thing, nature, while finding absolute solace in a woman just like me. A woman named Athena.
When I returned home to Los Angeles I told my mom I would be emailing Coelho and asking him to let me read for the role of Athena if they ever turned it into a film. I knew I was born to play her. I never got around to emailing him that night and I wouldn't have to because the next day in my inbox was an email from goodreads.com and in it was an interview with Coelho. As I read it I froze because about halfway through he mentioned a film competition he was having based on The Witch of Portbello. My sign had come and the what next my ex constantly questioned after the tour of my play ended and my third commercial in a row went unaired, had arrived. The catch was my ex had to leave my life in order for me to live my way into the what next! What I mean is what if I had gone to Santa Barbara with him and left the book on my nightstand...thank God I don't have to find out. ;-) I do thank him for what he brought me in those brief months together but I have come understand quite clearly that I was unknowingly using him as a band aid to forget someone else, the man I thought to be my soulmate. Now I know bandaids don't work because once gone the wound is still there and today three years after meeting my "soulmate" life has shown me he is not my soulmate. Oh what the winds of change bring with them if you allow them to. But I've gone off track....
So I entered the film competition and in three months adapted the novel, hired the crew, cast the film, produced it and starred in it. As Athena of course. This is the brief version minus details of all the challenges I encountered during this production, which was solely financed by me. Hey when the universe presents you with a stituation that exceeds anything you dreamt of, to me, you follow through and leave the rest including the mystery and magic of what the unknown can bring to the universe. I went on to win the film competition in the Samira category from over 6000 International entries and of course went on to meet Paulo Coelho
We are now friends and I have to say emailing with the person whose books helped me not give up my dream and career in LA is still a bit surreal so you can imagine collaborating on a film with him EXCEEDED any dream I ever held for myself. If you allow God (or whatever you believe in) and the universe to co pilot this journey with you, you will live what some people believe to be impossible. I will say this Coelho was right when he said that when you are ready the universe conspires with you to make all your dreams come true. He writes this often and for me it has proven to be true. I want to let you know that nothing has come easy and I have sacrificied A LOT but everything has been worth it because I have not only seen my dreams come to life but when they have they have also brought to life the quote, "Gods gifts put our dreams to shame."
Now as I am about to go to Rome next month for the film's premiere at the Rome Film Festival I sit in immense gratitude for having the courage to not only be me but to love me so much I would not give up who I am in order to be loved by my ex on his terms. Actually same goes for my "soulmate" because his terms were certainly never in line with me or my essence either no matter how much beauty he brought into my life. I can see that now and now that I have that clarity something tells me I am about to live my way into the what next where the unconditional love I deserve awaits me! Maybe he's in Rome but wherever he is I will say this, now more than ever I know that the possibilities are as endless as the universe and all I have to do is believe in the beauty and magic that lies in the unknown and trust that now that I am ready the universe will conspire. I revel in the magic that having the patience to live in the unknown brings me. Thank you Patrick, "soulmate", Paulo, God and the universe. You have taught me more about myself, character, and courage than you will ever know.
Take a look at these amazing moments in photos. Once I won the opening scene of my film became a part of Coelho's blog. He used it to announce the winners. I took pictures of my computer screen. First one is me and Coelho on his blog. This one is a closer look at me on his blog. The opening scene was an imitation of the artwork of the cover of The Witch of Portobello and my friend Bev's idea. Come fall of 2008 and eight months after my break up I met Coelho while I was in Europe where he lives and we had dinner. We discussed how my film came to be, what you just read minus the details of the major challenges I faced and then he signed my book. It reads, "Dear Adriana Follow the signs Paulo Coelho", I did and they led me to that moment! Last but not least an article came out today in Latin Star Magazine profiling me and The Experimental Witch and it has a great quote from Paulo about me. This is it but you can read it clearly at Latin Star Magazine article and click on The Experimental Witch when you get to that page. It's the writer's website. You can take a look at my portion of the film at http://www.youtube.com/adrianagarzacortazar . If there is anything this blog leaves you with I hope it is with the desire to follow your heart and passion and to let your being shine through wherever you go and in whatever you do and TRUST THAT THE REST WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF!
