I would like to ask you to please think about something. What is your biggest wildest dream? Thinking about it? Wouldn't it be amazing if you could live it? I have been blessed to have the courage and faith to weather the storms life's challenges bring and make my way through them to the other side where my dreams have become my reality. I might add when my dreams become my reality they are far beyond what I ever expected. Now think about this. There are children somewhere in this world as I type this who wouldn't dare dream of the kind of dreams you and I have. They simply dream of having clean drinking water. They woke today having a much simpler dream than you and I yet somehow it seems more impossible for them to achieve drinking clean water than it is for you or me to live our dreams like I did when I walked the red carpet in Rome next to one of my favorite authors after adapting his work. As I type that I can't help but think something is so off balance in this world.
I am not saying you and I should stop our lives, stop trying to make our dreams a reality and solely do for others. But wouldn't it be nice if there was a way to do both? I believe I am being guided to do just that. As I took my hike early this morning looked at my surroundings and the place that I was able to be walking in after waking this morning I found the courage to keep up the good fight. A fight that is proving quite challenging these days. I have to say I believe everything happens for a reason but by no means does that mean that what happens is easy to handle, however it is what it is. As I produce a fundraiser as part of the UNICEF Tap Project Los Angeles team which provides children in underdeveloped countries clean drinking water I am constantly being put in scenarios daily that are teaching me yet again patience, trust, courage, and making my faith grow tremendously. I once heard that when you ask for patience, faith, etc. you aren't just handed them you are put scenarios which help you become them, acquire those traits. It stayed with me forever because I have proven that to be true over and over in every journey God guides me to. While things are proving challenging right now great things are also happening. It is honestly 50/50. I feel like it has to balance itself out because if it didn't and all went well all the time I wouldn't know faith and if it was always hard I'd be discouraged to continue.
This is what I think of when people I am working with on the fundraiser and Tap Project in general don't follow through on promises, return my calls, emails, texts and whose responses are dependent on me moving forward. I think of this and only this.
My goal is to get these children funds so we can provide them with clean drinking water. A six month volunteer position I took on knowing exactly what it entailed. So when challenges arise I focus on the children because I can't expect people to be me or handle business like me. That expectation is simply a great way to frustate myself and hold resentment because as they say an expectation is a premediated resentment. Things have been proving a bit difficult as of late but anyone who truly knows me knows that I know exactly what this means. You see I feel like I am on a ship and the waters are getting really rough, icebergs are appearing, fog is blocking my view and all this as the shore is not far away at all, aka UNICEF World Water Week is a month away as is the benefit concert. ;-) All this happening makes me realize what I've lived through before, something phenomenal is about to happen. The balance is about to be restored and while my tired body and mind want to just rest, my soul, whose been around the block a few times, knows just what to do. It rest assures my weak body and mind that the END is almost near. Yes that ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION is near and I will get to the shore having passed the icebergs while not seeing clearly through the fog but trusting with every ounce of my being that I being guided and all is as it should be.
I gathered all my strength again while on my hike this morning as I encountered Bob Guiney whose band, Band from TV, I tried to get for our fundraiser. We chatted and I mentioned our need for a Global Water Crisis speaker for the event and he mentioned someone who he knows who he thought would be good and we had actually been trying to get her. Yes yet again I heard God speak in this universe so clearly reasurring me of its existence, saw that timing is everything, and that what comes next I have no control over. What I can control is what I do to try to make these children's dreams a reality. I am doing it. The more I think about all I have lived the more I feel it is my responsibility to help/contribute to restoring the balance of this wonderful planet in this magnificient universe so these children can get beyond the dream of clean water to the dream you and I are living by simply being able to have a computer to read this on right now. I want to help them believe that infinite possibilities are born of faith. That life while it can be challenging is a beautiful beautiful thing!!
While I went to the edge of the cliff I go to on my hikes to converse with God I asked for one thing. I said God this morning I am weak and tired from all I am facing please let me hear you. I hit shuffle on my ipod and smiled as a song about life on life's terms came on. Timing. Brett Dennen was one of the people I approached about the UNICEF fundraiser and whose music I believe lines up with UNICEF'S beliefs. I smiled and clinged onto the lyrics, "love will come set me free. I do believe!" Yes it is setting me free!
I have Winston Churchill to thank for reminding me to "Never Never Never give up." Most of all I have God and the universe to thank for making me someone who doesn't know how to give up. I believe life is too short to not experience every single part of what it entails to be human including the not so great stuff. I will continue to dream, believe and work hard to see the dreams of others and myself become our reality. Not only will I continue on this ship and see it through to shore, I trust that God and the universe are brewing something magical! Stayed tuned I guarantee you it's about to get real good and if you don't stay tuned you'll miss out on the miracle! Afterall William Ward's words reaffirm what my journey is teaching me, "Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records."
Dear children of the world I promise you we will balance this world out and you will see your dreams become your reality! My dream is to make your dream a reality and I will stop at nothing to get you your basic human right and then some! This is how my journey began and it is no where near where my journey will end! AS they say in Queen Elizabeth the Golden Age, "When the storm breaks some are dumb with terror and some spread their wings and soar." It's time to soar and the winds of change are turning in our favor to faciliate it!
It's here, what some consider the big LOVE day. I wish I could say I do but the truth is I believe LOVE is all around all the time and while one day to celebrate it is a lovely thing so is recognizing it, embracing, and accepting it year round. We are all worthy of it and if we open our eyes and take a good look around we'll find that LOVE as cheesy as it may sound, truly is all around and can be found in many forms.
Today I wish I was going to see Zoey so I could tell her how much I love her. Although I am certain I show her all the time as best as I can. She is a twelve year old who is still figuring out her way through life and love thinking that it is so important to have a boyfriend. I see her struggle through this right now and the pressure of being an almost teenager with peers who succumb to the same pressures. I am well aware that all I can do is hold her hand through it and lead by example so I don't take from her journey and its lessons. Easier said than done but I know its best to allow her to be where she is in life. I trust we are both being love to eachother and filling a part of our life's that needed to be filled with a certain kind of love and a special bond. Most of all I am so grateful for the biggest lesson she has taught me. Through our bond I've learned that whether we realize it or not a parent's love is unconditional. It may not be on our terms but it is.
She is in a phase where her friends now come first and I am second. It happened almost overnight. I came back from Christmas and the girl who you might have seen in our Christmas card was no longer there. I now have a somewhat more outspoken, braid extension wearing, struggling to find her identity almost teenager who is beginning to be too cool for Adriana. Friends are now a priority as are boys. It is now that I see clearly how much all seven of us kids must have hurt my mom. She would constantly say to us you will understand when you have your own children. I get it mom I finally do! While Zoey is not mine it is as if she is because sadly her mom is no longer with us so I feel more like a mom than a big sister. I love her no matter what. This kind of love has caught me by absolute surprise because I was expecting to feel something like this when I hold my children for the first time. I've learned that being a mom and experiencing that love can come in a completely different way than you expected. It is a love so grand there are no words for it. She can put me on the back burner and I will still love her because love is growing with someone and holding their hand through the growth.
Dear Mom I am truly sorry for all those times I thought I was too cool for you. I look at pictures like this and think wow she was so beautiful and guiding me towards what eventually became my career because she wanted the best for me and yet at twelve I felt too cool for her and quit ballet to prove my point only to end up being the only one to suffer from that pre teen decision. Here we are in the first musical I ever did, Woman of the Year, I am holding on to her black ballet skirt.
The love I have learned of from having Zoey in my life has taught me to appreciate my mom more and while I would hope she knows this any day today I will tell her once again what I do after I've had a rough day with Zoey, thank you. Simply thank you.
I feel like there are so many kinds of love to celebrate today. The one for your partner, friends, family, those you don't know, and most of all the love of gratitude for being alive! While I believe love is an accessible emotion because we are born being LOVE I also see how sadly some people's challenges in life and experiences have closed their hearts for fear of getting hurt. In my short yet poignant experiences in which I grow more and more aware as time goes by of the importance of love I have come to realize that while getting our heart broken by anyone hurts keeping it closed to the endless possibilities of receiving LOVE again hurts even more and you miss out on this magical beautiful thing called LOVE.
No matter what this day is labeled I have immense gratitude for it and for a lot of people but not just today, always. I see love all around me. I truly do. I was blessed with an early text by my friend Mary Queen in which she proclaimed Happy Valentine's Day followed by a voicemail from my sister saying, "put down the incense and stop talking to the universe for a minute and pick up the phone. Happy Valentines Day." It made me smile because that is how she shows her love to me. She actually knows what I am doing except I haven't made my hike just yet because I am typing this but I am going shortly. And Mercedes I don't light incense when I hike. I will choose to continue to see see love all day long. It's hard not too because amazing beauty that awaits me at Runyon and my the friends who I will see at Yoga followed by tea with them and an evening with one of my closest friends Jake laughing at one of my other closest friends Eric. Oh and we have to laugh at Eric, it's mandatory since it's a comedy show.
However constantly on my mind today are all those who have no one to be with or proclaim any form of love to on this media/advertiser marketed day. I said a prayer for everyone who feels lonely or is actually alone. This day can be so overwhelming but there are so many ways to show love. It doesn't have to be just between you and a partner. You can give and receive love in so many ways. One of my favorites is showing love for people you may never meet through donating your love by being of service. A great way to find what works for you is by visiting http://www.volunteermatch.org/ and trust me you'll find people to love instantly after you read amazing stories of how they are being love expecting nothing in return.
However to me the grandest love affair you will ever have is the one with yourself. Loving yourself allows you to share the love with others, believe in yourself, not settle, have patience, and grow in faith which will allow you to actually live the endless possibilities that we hear talked about being born of that faith. You will LIVE them and while some will call you lucky all I can see is a person in love with themselves just as they are willing to surrender control of what society says you should be or where you should be all to master the Art of Love. We may not be able to control what society sells to us but we can choose to not abide by it. May your heart be open to all the beauty that God and the Universe have to offer. May this day and everyday remind you that love can not be bought, love simply is. Open every part of your being and look around while having faith and you will be mesmerized by what your eyes will see.
I've learned that no matter what life throws at me or who throws their anger/hurt at me, the best way to for me to attract LOVE is to be LOVE. After learning to love myself just as I am I was compelled to share the idea of acceptance of what is and not what we are told should be with the world, as you will be below. So God thank you for giving me the courage to love myself and love my brothers and sisters and for everyone who you have conspired to send my way who has taught me to love myself and others more. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for all the great teachers! God, you've taught me that "Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." I LOVE YOU JUST AS YOU ARE,WHOEVER YOU ARE THAT CAME ACROSS THIS BLOG JUST AT THIS VERY MOMENT! HAPPY LOVE YOURSELF, EVERYONE, AND EVERYTHING DAY!
It's funny to watch the world go crazy for LOVE this week. My hope is that the world would go crazy for LOVE year around after all LOVE makes the world go round. No matter what kind of love it is, from my mom or my sister or my friends, I am always grateful to receive it! However in this media driven world they seem to advertise only ONE LOVE. The one between a couple. Sadly this kind of advertising makes some people so lonely this time of year. Not I for life has taught me a few things. One being that no love is ever going to be able to accomplish what love for oneself can. It is that kind of love that allows you to have the courage to not put yourself in a relationship because of a society given deadline, because the loneliness is too much or worse yet because you need a financial partner in crime. I have that partner and if you know me you know me well enough to know I prefer to partner with God, in everything I do actually.
This is not to say that I don't long to be in a relationship because I do. Although this time of year reminds me that yet again I am not it has also sparked immense gratitude for all I have lived in the love department. It turns out that the one man I remember the most and am grateful for the most is the one the universe thought was not a good idea we end up together. It's funny this soul mate thing. A thing I happen to believe in and also a thing I believe doesn't necessarily mean there is only one in this lifetime or that you will end up with them. I am starting to realize as time goes by and I live more that there can be more than one and that the one who I can respect the most and grow with the most is the one I long to be with. The one who will respect me and allow me to grow to by encouraging me, which is why one man comes to mind right now.
It is not the man who broke up with me two days before Valentine's cancelling our Santa Barbara trip two years ago and catapulting me into the most magical adventure ever with Paulo Coelho . Nope not him. Actually I was confessing to a friend the other day how I felt bad that when I think of him I feel nothing and she reminded me that him and I were worlds apart and it was always apparent. Then I recalled that when I went to produce my film he was very discouraging and suggested I hire someone to produce it because I couldn't do it. Then I recalled how the last time I saw him he told me my beliefs worried him and he tried to belittle me. I say tried because obviously his view of the world and me do not define me, I define me. All of this is not because he is a bad man, it's because he's an insecure man acting out of fear and he needs love so till this day I turn him over to God and ask that he find the love he needs to be able to love others without trying to stun their growth. However because of where he was in life when we were together I don't feel for him the way I do for the one man I will always remember. We all have those. Someone who left such a beautiful impact in my heart of our friendship that you want to remember it.
Well I can honestly say I don't think of him much these days because after two beautiful years of a friendship in which he told me a little too late for my taste that he had a girlfriend things ended not so great. As we all know sometimes human emotions can overtake us and make us say things we don't mean. We ended our friendship with what I hope were words neither one of us meant. At least I know I didn't. Recently he wrote me requesting that I not use his name in my blog. He told me I could write anything I wanted but to please not use his name. My ego was amused and wanted to write back, "thanks for your permission but I know I can write whatever I want", luckily my soul/essence/true being wrote back and apologized for I had sincerely not realized I used his name or that his significant other referred to him as Estupido as well. I am kidding. I have to joke it's who I am. ;-) I then proceeded to look for his name in my blog and delete it. I had used it and I honestly did feel bad. The irony was I hadn't said anything bad but either way I respected his desire to remain unknown and still do which why I will refer to him as Peter Pan. Here we are the day we met on the set. As you can see I got him to fall for me with my magical powers. He said not to mention his name but he didn't say not to post pictures.
Okay all jokes aside here is why Peter Pan will forever hold a place in my heart. Without getting too personal I will tell you that my dad left when I was seven and I went on to choose men who would leave and of course I would create scenarios for them to leave. It was familiar and what I knew. After all we are what we know and we do as we see. After four years of therapy I realized things could be so different. That I had choices and that I could choose well if I realized what I deserved. Getting to a place where I realized what I deserved was and is a long road but trust me when you reach the destination you will be glad you didn't take any short cuts. You will have learned how to be love to yourself. Peter Pan was the first man I met after learning all this and he definitely was the first man to believe in me and my work. He not only told me, he showed me by coming to see the debut of my first production ever. We had a connection unlike any other I had ever known. Allies in a crazy business. For that no matter what anyone thinks I will always be grateful. He taught me of the possibilities and of what I deserve. He showed me for the first time in my life what it is like to be heard and seen.
Most would think I would be bitter I didn't get to have that permanently but I am not. I am thrilled I got to know that kind of love. Most of all I work with one sole partner in crime who I know holds my best interest at heart always, God. I am certain God's plan for me and my future family is far more extraordinary than I can imagine and what I have lived thus far. In my humble opinion based on observation of my life, it simply gets better every time after every lesson. Not only LOVE but everything I do becomes more powerful and more magical. So Peter Pan showed me the way as best as he could as long as he was meant to and left me with the understanding that I am worthy of man who longs to be with me, takes me just as I am, supports me, and allows me to grow even if he doesn't understand. Most of all he taught me to believe that unconditional love is possible therefore he is an unforgettable love.
So this week as you are bombarded with images of what you should have to be in love remember things don't represent LOVE. On the contrary if someone can stand with you in the midst of the flames the fire of the challenges of life produce and come out on the other side still holding your hand than count yourself blessed because you know LOVE. No matter who that person is. Recently I have been reminded the importance of feeling the LOVE from my mother through a lesson I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy (although I don't have one) but realized I needed that lesson to know that LOVE. I feel like LOVE can come in so many ways. Through eye contact with a complete stranger that sends chills up your spine, words that came at the exact moment you needed to hear them from someone who had no knowledge of your need, a stunning sunset, a child's smile, a baby's laugh, a flower's beauty and smell, a friend's shoulder to lean on, and you taking the time out of your life to read this. To me that is LOVE.
LOVE truly is all around if you open every part of your being you will feel it, see it, and welcome it. I've learned that to allow it in I must first love myself unconditionally as best as I can. Most of all I've learned that LOVE, true unconditional LOVE is FORGIVENESS not only for others but most of all for YOURSELF. Happy love yourself day and let's make it a happy love yourself year! And remember if a love you know is coming to an END it is simply an opportunity for an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION, A NEW BEGINNING. I LOVE YOU MERCEDES GARZA AND WELCOME YOUR NEW BEGINNING!!!
First of all I'd like to say how grateful I am to have made it home right now. Turns out the down pour of rain in Los Angeles is not over with as I thought it was. Today I decided to take a walk and see where it would lead me with no plan set in mind. I arrived at the coffee shop by my house which I love and is a local la fave of mine for amazing food and baked goods. With my journal in tow I sat there and stared out the window at the clouds in the sky looming over what is normally a very sunny place. It has not been for the past week or so and I have totally been okay with it as I draw inspiration from it. I draw inspiration from the change it brings that is, which reminds me yet again that the only thing certain is change. I received an email yesterday from my best friend proclaiming hey stranger and suggesting I must be thrilled with the weather. I am thrilled with the weather and I apologize to all my friends for my lack of contact. It is not intentional by any means I am simply exhausted but grateful for the reasons why. Let me explain.
As many of you know by now I am part of a team of five people who are donating six months of our lives to produce a fundraiser and train volunteers to make the 2010 UNICEF Tap Project , which provides children in underdeveloped countries clean water, a success. Being on this journey has brought back memories of one I took not too long ago and which prompted my way of living with awareness. Mind you I was always a risk taker but I just didn't always have the awareness I do now. All of us were assigned to be head of something based on our expertise and past experience with non-profits although all decisions are made as a team. I was assigned as head of the fundraiser which allowed me to open up my contact book and get to work with one sole intent in mind the entire time, getting those children clean water. The ones I long to meet face to face one day when my journey with UNICEF takes me in that direction but for now I am exactly where the universe needs me doing exactly what they need me to do.
Back in 2007 I was also exactly where I needed to be doing exactly what I needed to be doing. Touring with my play and donating the proceeds to a different non-profit art related organization in each city. The simplest way to answer people's constant question then, "don't you need to make money before giving it away?", is to say "don't I need to risk and get lost in the unknown in order to know faith?" It was in the end what my gut and soul where asking me to do. What I was living was showing me the way and quite frankly this you could only understand by being me and walking in my shoes. So bottom line was I had to continue to go to where my heart was leading even if the road got bumpy, dark, and felt isolating and as if I were lost. Doing so taught me something I will always take with me, God is my compass and through the universe it/she/he/ewa/nothingness communicates with me through signs and where it leads I will gladly follow. Life is too short and too uncertain for me to do otherwise. This is a short video recapping the tour of The Art of Being.
Thanks to that experience my contact book grew tremendously prompting people to question how did I do it? Get not only in touch with the heads of major corporations and get a response but also have companies like Southwest Airlines enable my work by donating airline tickets. Or companies like Amoeba Music donate funds so I could continue my work. The list of those who have joined me on my journey and supported my vision truly is endless and continues to grow but the answer is simple. I am simply the vessel for work that needs to get done and the universe always knows when something is genuine. That has been shown to me in many ways over and over. Like I told Shari, "you can cheat others, you can cheat yourself but you can't cheat the universe, it knows." Which is why these doors I knocked on were opened to me. The intent behind the knock has never been to solely to serve me or get the world to love me and see how great I am. I love myself and I know nothing absolutely nothing that comes from outside of me could make me feel worthy. It is always and will always be about the work. And while some of you may be tired of my knock, you know who you are, I hope that it is my passion for the mission that allows you to understand why I can't stop knocking. ;-)
However for me things have not been tremendously easy. They've always had a flow to them which allowed to see I was being led but there has always been a hurdle or a bumpy road. While I am of the belief that life is what you believe it is, life has also taught me that life happens on its terms and while we may want to believe we control outcomes we most certainly do not and that is the lesson I am faced with accepting once again. I have tried every avenue possible to ensure our fundraiser a headliner which will ensure us ticket sales which will then allow us to have money for UNICEF to distribute to the four countries receiving it this year via clean water. The intent is clean water for children in underdeveloped countries. It's that simple.
My efforts in return received an amazing venue willing to let us use it free of charge, amazing talent who immediately said yes, and donors who have in one way or another donated something that allows this project to have a voice and reach audiences to create awareness of what a truly big problem this is. Just because it isn't here it doesn't mean it isn't happening or can't happen here. To see what I mean take a look at my proudest commercial ever. One I received no pay for but one that allows me to be here today typing this as it led to me becoming an honorary Ambassador for UNICEF and then a Tap Project City Coordinator.
So this week as I faced a looming extended deadline to attach a headliner I tried everything within my power to have one by today. I do not but here is where my journey becomes magical. Last night I cried and cried. They were tears of surrender and accepting God's will and knowing that once again as usual I could not control the outcome and I could force no one to headline all I could do was work hard which I had done. I was accepting yet again the beauty of life on life's terms. I have been here before many times and I have proven repeatedly that a devastating no always leads way to a AMAZING YES! It just never is on my time or deadlines it's always on God's time. As the old saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh tell em your plans." It's laughing that's for sure. ;-)
Last night as I cried and watched Elizabeth the Golden Age for the second time this week a magical moment happened. Just as the storm she faces in the film while she awaits the Spanish Armada ships to arrive in England and destroy it the winds current takes a change as it did outside my door just at the exact same moment. I opened the door to find thunder and lighting giving the usual sunny LA skies a different shape and color. I smiled at the universe as the clouds above passed through changed colors and reaffirmed yet again that I am not alone, being guided and change is coming. Yes once again the winds of change are upon me, my colleagues, and the children that brought us together.
I have been brought here to be of service to UNICEF as have my colleagues and we will forge ahead like warriors and get our headliner always knowing when to let go and let God. This would be a good time to thank them for their patience with my constant phrase at all our meetings, "the universe will conspire." I know it's probably hard to believe that now and a lot is at risk right now but as I've learned these past four years, the bigger the risk the bigger the reward. After all faith isn't something you have when everything is going well, faith is something you need when all appears to not be going they way you intended. Key word appears because as Emerson has said, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen." We aren't alone in this fight. With headquarters permission, tbd, we will move forward on God's time and get our headliner and your support at our fundraiser on March 25, 2010 at The Conga Room at Downtown Live in LA. Yes my dear lovely colleagues: Nina, Ruby, Justin, and Sarah once again I say to you THE UNIVERSE WILL CONSPIRE. How, when, and where only time will tell. As I await our next step I find solace in this stunning song.
The most commonly asked question is why I am doing this free of charge during this economy? Followed by "it's too risky." I wish I had an answer full of wisdom but the truth is I like nature am simply being. I hope you are too and that your love for yourself, life and others grows more everyday not in spite of adversity but because of adversity allowing you to trust that like anything in life that is worth it you are too! Trust the journey and I know you will find your inner warrior. I now "against all odds" will continue to go to extraordinary measures with God and the universe guiding and lighting my way to ensure these children with names, hopes, and dreams just like you and me a chance at making them come true by giving their bodies its basic human right, clean water. I leave you with this question to ponder, "If we aren't here for each other than what are we here for exactly?"
As I was leaving the premiere of my collaboration with Paulo Coelho and other international filmmakers, The Experimental Witch, in Rome I was stopped by a young woman. She asked me if she could interview me for her university dissertation. I said yes and gave her my card. I heard from her this week and below is what she wanted to know. I had to blog about it because I have done interviews for the past four years of my life and even when I was a "beauty queen" back home in Texas but have never faced a set of questions like this. It took me in another direction and allowed me to see how much I've grown in ways you sometimes can't see when you're just going going going. She made me think and pick up my dictionary. I am glad to be reminded that I don't know it all and can continue living and growing! Thank you Silvia for this amazing gift and for being a teacher to me through your questions. I hope you get the grade you deserve! With immense gratitude for our paths crossing! Adriana
Questions from Silvia Narratone
1)Why have you decided to participate in the competition and why have you chosen to adapt Samira’s point of view?
For me it was a following of the signs as Paulo writes about in his books and the fact that it was for something related to Paulo Coelho was an even bigger sign that this was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. My boyfriend had broken up with me two days before Valentines in 2008 telling me I was too humanitarian and that my beliefs about Life and God worried him. I went home to Austin and at the last minute took The Witch of Portobello from my nightstand. It had been sitting there waiting to be read and as they say timing is everything. I read it on the flight, while in Austin and upon my return to Los Angeles. The day after I had finished reading it and telling my mom I would be emailing Paulo to ask that they could read me for Athena if they ever turned it into a film since I had found tremendous solace in her because in a lot of ways I was her, I found out about the film competition. I signed up quickly, grabbed the book and choose the Samira chapters. Although as I shot the film I realized the chapters had chosen me.
2)To what extent are you a fan of Paulo Coelho?
I admire people's work and not the person unless I know them personally. One of my favorite quotes ever is "reward the mission not the man" from Eliizabeth the Golden Age. The only people I admire are people close to me whose character I know first hand. I try to apply this to every situation in which I am faced with admiring someone's work because everyone is human and I think it is dangerous territory to think otherwise, to idolize them. My experience in the entertainment industry for the past fourteen years has allowed me the privilege of learning this first hand, which allows me to be a complete fan of his writing. He truly is a talented writer who inspires people to be individuals and follow their dreams and because that is what I believe in life of course I am a fan of work that makes me feel connected and less alone. I have been reading his books since I was 21 and my ex boyfriend Sergio, who is still my friend, recommended The Alchemist. So in a way I have Sergio to thank for all this.
3)Do you know if P. Coelho has structured his novel in that particular way (with many well-separated points of view) because he wanted to develop the Experimental Witch later?
I don't believe so but that question can only be answered by the man himself. ;-)
4)Who worked on the script of the adaptation?
Myself and a cast member from my play The Art of Being, Kris Pustina Haldane. I had cast her in my play and knew of her talent for writing so I called her up, explained the project and told her we had a deadline. You see when I found out about the competition it was late in the game and I had three months to adapt, produce and become Athena. She agreed to join me on the journey which quite honestly was easy from the angle that the work we had to adapt had to stay as true as possible to the novel after all it was his original work that people were longing to see because of its ability to inspire. While we did make minor changes I did want it to be clear I wanted to stay as close as possible to what was already written. The changes I talk about happened because of where we were shooting and logistics. Adapting for me was where I grew tremendously as an artist for I had never done it before and I found it to be an amazing teacher of my capabilities.
5)What troubles have you coped with during the shooting?
Overall it was a great set! Everyone knew how important this shoot was to me because of the way it had come to be. I made it clear from the beginning that if I pushed hard for a particular vision it was because of how important this was to me. It was not just simply making a movie for the point of making a movie or getting noticed. I had national exposure with my play and it taught me that if you receive any notoriety or attention it is best used to open more doors to be able to continue to live your dream and help other live theirs by providing them with jobs.
Attention for the sake of attention has never made sense to me. So everyone was aware that this was a dream of mine coming true beyond what I ever expected and they respected that. I surrounded myself with people who love what they do and that made it easy too. My DP Neil Lisk is the kindest hardest working talented DP I've ever worked with and led the crew very well. The director and I at some points had different visions but again he respected where I was coming from and I respected his talent in an area of which I am not experienced in, film directing, so a compromise was always reached.
In the end I was fighting for a vision that allowed people to find comfort in their "flaws" and feel seen. My ex boyfriend saw what I consider to be my attributes as flaws and I know a lot of creative people feel pressure from people to be something else so this was a tribute to a woman, Athena, who refused to dishonor her true being by becoming what others wanted her to be. In the end my fight to capture that may have made it difficult to work with me but I certainly hope not. I am however aware that I am stubborn when it comes to trusting my gut. I listen to that before I listen to anyone else and if it happens to go line with what they suggest then it simply does and if it doesn't, it doesn't but again its about being authentic and true to my vision and work and knowing when to let go.
6)How many people did they work in your crew? Is it possible to know how much money you have invested (approximately)?
I spent a total of $7500 in filming and $2500 in post production and getting packages to Italy where the production is based. My crew consisted of 11 crew and 5 actors. I was unable to secure sponsorships so I out of pocketed the expenses. Dreams do come at a price and I always think it's important for people to know about the journey and not just see the destination, which in this case is the Rome Film Festival.
7)Does the fact that your adaptation is destined to be integrated into a mash-up movie influence the concept of your work itself?
Not at all. I honestly am not a person whose work is done with a certain set of rules affiliated with a film school or any format. I simply follow my heart and what feels right to me. This makes it a little hard for people who are very set in a way of doing things to work with me and visa versa but I always want to do that which I am passionate about and my gut tells me to.
8)To what extent do new technologies (and among those cinema digitalisation) allow you to experiment artistically? How do they make shooting easier?
This would honestly be a question for my DP as he handled all the equipment etc. Post Production, which I did handle, did not include any new technologies because of our budget. It was done in a very simple way and with the tools we were presented with.
9)You saw the final cut. Are you satisfied with the final version of the film destined to theatres?
I am! I feel like you can't really judge other people's work although I am in an industry that is all about judging. When I view people's work I am allowed a view into their mind and creativity. Sometimes I may not understand it but I always respect it because creativity expressed in any way is a person's own individual taste being exposed to the world. Had I done the final cut all you would have seen would be my version of the book. I felt that Elisabetta the producer did the book justice as best as she could with what she was given. Remember she had to take many people's visions put them together and have them represent the work of a well renowned author whose following expects a lot. It was very courageous of both Paulo and his production team and us the filmmakers to go there. I think we did a great job while exploring new territory and I hope our journey inspires more productions and collaborations like this one.
10) Do you think that Coelho’s audience will love the product? How will it understand it?
I can not speak for other people. I can only speak for myself. I have no idea what their taste is like but again I am in a very critical judgemental industry and I believe that if people knew more of what truly goes on behind the scenes, like my personal story to make the film happen, they may open their minds more and see with different eyes. However they are only seeing the final presentation and well like I said I can't speak for them. I do know first hand that all the filmmakers have amazing stories as to how their film came to be and their journey as they filmed and eventually won. So my only hope is that they see our work through the eyes of love and take what they'd like. As the old saying goes, "you can't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes", which if we took to heart it'd be easier to release judgement. ;-)
11)Do you think that the final mash-up film could be difficult to comprehend?
Absolutely if you aren't a fan of Paulo Coelho or read the book The Witch of Portobello. But would art really be art if it was always understood and if everything held an explanation how would we grow? We'd have nothing to question and be in awe of. So even if it's not undertstood it's making people's minds function and opening them up to thinking for themselves and opening their views on life. I strongly believe that is what his work does. I feel like he was destined to write in a way that just resonates so strongly with anyone inclined to follow THEIR heart and struggling with that concept.
12)What is your opinion on the increasing presence of artistic products on the Internet made both by users and local and international artists? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this condition? To what extent does the Internet help you to convey your works?
I used to not be a fan of technology like the internet at all because I used to think it was seperating us and making our communication dependant on texting, emails, etc. and I was so sad that I could get answers from people a lot easier by those formats than by actual personal contact or phone conversations. Lets not mention letters, which I still write and seal with wax. I could definitely forget snail mail it was becoming a thing of the past.
My opinion changed drastically in 2007 when I set out to do the tour of my play. I was dependent on the internet for everything from research to publicity. Let's not forget that my work won the Toyota Moving Forward Award from GLAMOUR magazine because of the internet so that was my first opening of the mind of how powerful the internet truly is. Of course all this was followed by finding out about Paulo's film competition through a newsletter from www.goodreads.com futher opening me up to how amazing technology truly is and when used with caution and respect it can create amazing scenarios. I hope Paulo's example of how filmmaking can be made is followed by others because it grants opportunities to people who don't live Hollywood or an industry town to have a dream come true.
For me overall as an independent producer who funds my productions through sponsorships I am very much in need of the internet. I have to research everything imaginable from who runs the sponsor or fund programs at companies, to directors, actors, music for the film/play, locations, permits, everything. I work pretty much on my own until it gets close to filming and everyone hired starts to work so let's just say the internet makes it a lot easier for me to live my dream. I hope more people realize the possibilities it holds. Even sites like Facebook and myspace expose me to artists which allows me to collaborate with them even if they are in another country as was the case with Birte Nordahl and some of the people who worked on The Experimental Witch were hired through Craigslist. Technology truly is amazing!
13)What socio-cultural visibility have indie productions got in your country?
This is a tough one to answer as I am just venturing into the realm of film as I had prior to this only done work producing theater or as a hired actor. This is one I am learning about right now. I honestly can say that in my experience I had never witnessed anything like what Paulo did with this competition. However I am certain there is a lot going on here that I am about to get involved in as I venture into producing my first feature film and become exposed to it.
14)Does The Experimental Witch foster your public image? To what extent?
It has most definitely opened doors for me but a lot of it has to do with awareness and my willingness to seize the opportunities, which I learned from my prior work and the opportunities it brought. I think if we get out of our own way when the universe steps in to guide us to dreams that exceed our expectations we truly have the opportunity to foster our work. For me it's about learning to decipher the difference between what I want and what the universe wants and has in store me. Most of all trusting in the wisdom of what I believe in, God and the universe.
Once I did that I was sent into a realm of endless possibilities where my life constantly teaches me in many scenarios what I am capable of so when the opportunity to produce my first film came I took on the challenge and ended up in Rome, being interviewed by Latin Star Magazine while being named by them the Latin Star to watch and now doing an interview with you because I stopped to talk to you at the premiere instead of rushing to the after party. If I am present in the moment I am open to its gifts. I also received a request from Fringe Report for an interview after Rome because they found me online. Most recently a film festival in the Netherlands found my work on the internet and requested it after learning about it from the Rome Film Festival.
So with awareness I am able to see more and more everyday that when you follow your passion doors open that you never even dreamt of and it keeps happening to me. I don't take it lightly and I work had with the opportunities granted to me to be able to give my work a voice in a saturated industry.
I am very grateful to Paulo for creating an idea that led me on an amazing journey and continues to do so. It most definitely continues to foster my career/work and that of others as I am about to produce my first feature film based on a story by Austin based writer John Rincon. All this is a trickle effect and when you work with others you foster your career and theirs and in my world only great things can come of that even on a challenging road to the destination but for me it's all about the journey.
15)What do you think about P. Coelho’s use of Twitter, MySpace and his blog? Do you think that for an artist it is best a peer-to-peer communication with his fans or to conceal himself in order to build a mistery aura which enhance curiosity?
I absolutely love it! I am a big believer that humanity is equality and like I said earlier, "reward the mission not the man" so to see people who have a high profile in the arts/entertainment reaching out to the people that put them there makes me very happy. After all this is what made the Experimental Witch possible and led to this interview. I see other artist like singer Jason Mraz do it as well and I can only hope that more people follow Paulo and Jason. For me inspiration to be creative comes from life and all it entails to be human so without a connection to your fellow beings it would be hard to see your ideas come to fruition because you can't draw inspiration out of thin air. Inspiration comes from LIVING life and its challenges. In the end we need eachother and reaching out in these types of formats facilitates art/entertainment. I commend Paulo, Jason, and anyone else doing it for leading the way.
16)How do you think the relationship between cinematic apparatus and new media will evolve?
Silvia as I am on your last question I have to commend you for truly making me think and giving me an opportunity to have a voice. Your questions are truly those of someone who put a lot of thought into it so thank you for being a great teacher to me today as I do this.
I hope that they grow and continue to expand working with eachother for the benefit of art/entertainment. Technology in filmmaking continues to grow tremendously because of people like James Cameron willing to follow their heart and go out a limb risking tremendous failure only to find himself revolutionizing cinema which had a lot to do with technology. A technology that now is being highly discussed in the media and can open up all of us in the industry to what is truly possible and to the idea that if we combine all our tools together we can create amazing things. Just like we need eachother to make things possible so does the current cinematic apparatus need from the new media to give exposure to the growth of our field. I am very happy to be alive in a day and age when people are truly working hard to make use of all we have been given from spiritual to technological to media because in my view of the world in the end they all go hand in hand and create endless possibilities that reach and touch people all over the world.
THE END! ;-) You can see the film I was talking about in this interview below. It is broken down into three parts and in case you didn't catch on it won Paulo Coelho's International Film Competition and is based on his novel The Witch of Portobello.
I have to start off my day with my early morning hike because it is up at Runyon where I get in touch with all that I believe in and where I reaffirm all my beliefs as I walk through an amazing place full of ladybugs,(one which I picked up today and watched for a while until she flew away), butterflies, trees (whose heights make me realize how small yet important I am), and of course people. Today I decided I would say good morning to everyone. It's funny because right away it was obvious I wasn't walking town lake back home in Austin where everyone says hi to everyone. I was saying good morning while being tempted to say goedemorgen so I can practice my Dutch but if good morning caused some people to look at me like what?, I can only imagine what Goedemorgen would have done. I did it because I think it's important we acknowledge eachother. What I had no clue was how the universe would be acknowledging me.
You see as I was making my way up my hike I was thinking about so many things and conversing with God about it. I was thinking how four years ago I started this journey of my production company and not only was I grateful for all I've lived but I was expressing gratitude for how tremendously my faith has grown and how much more calm I am overall because well faith will do that to you. Knowing God and the universe are working with you and for you just takes you to a whole other place and allows you to live as this says below:
Living this way in love and trust of the God and the universe's wisdom allows me to see the signs. I have a lot of deadlines/meetings this week. They all came at once for UNICEF, my latest film, and another really big personal one. So I've been telling myself all week first things first no matter what time I make it up to that hike I must because in order for me to function I need to take care of me first. I must admit something that I hope puts a smile on your face. I've developed a massive crush on Hugh Laurie and right now would be a good time to clarify I am crushing on him not House. I think if I was crushing on House I'd take myself over to a therapist instead of writing this. ;-) Anyway last night I stayed up you tubing him which is why I stressed to myself that no matter when I started my day it was most important I start with my hike. I did find this which only made me like him more, with all respect to his wife and family. ;-)
I can't wait to tell my sister because I love when she says, "You get more and more realistic everyday." The funny thing is I actually like it more when it becomes a reality and she sees it for herself. Whatever it is I told her would happen that is. In this case nothing cause he's a married man and it's a harmless crush. See what happens when you're single for two years! ;-) Back to the sign that came my way today. As I was making my way up I was conversing with God about everything but especially the last four years and as I spoke of having gratitude for being able to face what I have and walk through it to the other side I had a vision of Jesus carrying me when I couldn't walk anymore and then it turned into a colorful vision just like the ones in the Lovely Bones trailer where the in between is beautiful and breathtaking. At that moment I remember thinking I wish I could paint what I see. I told God that I knew a lot laid before me in the coming days, some things the universe has asked me to deal with that I'd rather not but once again I told God that as usual I had all my trust in them and that as far as UNICEF went I knew that they knew our intention so they would pull through even if it was at 11:59pm on the 14th. The 15th is our deadline with headquarters.
As life has shown me miracles happen when you least expect them and when they do be ready. I kept hearing "be ready for what lies ahead for now you face the storm but what will unfold once you go through it you will be ready for and have been prepared exactly for this moment" and then it happened. While I was having this conversation I was looking at how beautiful the cloud pattern was today. AMAZING to be exact and tears started to roll down my face for in that moment I felt so in touch with everything I believe in, so guided and taken care of. While I stared at the clouds and into the sky it appeared, a small patch of the clouds in bright colors like a rainbow in the shape of an angel. At first I thought I was seeing things but as I stood there it's brightness made it clear that it was there. I believe that not only was I not seeing things but God was saying I hear you in an amazing way! It was my light at the end of the tunnel, literally!!! I wanted to run and ask others if they saw it and lamented that I didn't have my camera. Then I was reminded of the biggest lesson my life has taught me in the last four years. What is most important is what I see and what I perceive not what anyone else sees or perceives because it is after all my interpretation of things that has manifested the life I lead.
Now I sit here in my home office back in the storm and I want it to be over with, all the hard work. I must confess just for today I want to not have to face all I am facing but then I am reminded of all I have faced in the last four years (in life for that matter) and what it lead to because I faced it, embraced it, and went through it and it makes me accept what I have to do now and be present in the now. While reminding myself that I am not in control of the outcome but I will work hard through everything life sends me to make it to what God and the universe have reserved for me, for UNICEF, for my next film, for humanity, and for the unconditional love I know I deserve and am receiving this year. I trust in God's timing for that too for I will not be with someone who wants to stand in front of me or behind me for that matter I want someone who will Stand by me , what a lovely example the couple in that video is of what accepting someone just as they are and bringing out the best in them can produce. I am deserving of that and while I may face my current storm alone it won't be like that forever because the one thing that is certain is CHANGE. I am betting on God, the universe and the winds of change to bring me the kind of LOVE only time, patience, growth and faith can produce.
I leave you with this. Everytime I am tired and want to give in I watch Elizabeth the Golden Age. I think of all she had to face in her time and I realize how grateful I am to face what I do in this day and age. When anyone shakes their fist at me trying to control me or a situation I know it's fear knocking at my door so I let faith answer. May your faith lead you to your light at the end of the tunnel and remember no one has to see it but you!
2009 has come to an end its time to head in an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION! So I awoke inspired to write which I have not been for a while as you can tell by my lack of posts. But this morning in my fresh new journal which has this quote on the cover, " The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of the their dreams" and was a birthday gift my resolutions poured out of me and below is exactly how they appear in my journal.
I resolve to love more, live in the present moment more, to accept others just as they are, to be kind, loving, caring, compassionate. To know when to let go and when to press on. To take every lesson and GROW GROW GROW even when I just want the lesson to be done with. To continue to follow the signs no matter the challenges of the journey they lead me on for I trust in the wisdom of God and the universe enough to know the destination will exceed my dreams and expectations. I resolve to never loose hope and faith, to forgive more, to be me more and to encourage others to be themselves more in life and through my work. I resolve to continue to rely on miracles by working hard to make them my reality while believing in them.
I resolve to LOVE LOVE LOVE with every part of my being and this year I resolve to being open to receiving LOVE LOVE LOVE back unconditionally for I am worthy of being loved just as I am and just as God created and is creating me. I resolve to accept what is and not what I wish was. To continue to believe that saving lives IS IN THE UNSEEN THINGS WE DO EVERYDAY which receive no praise and are between me, God, and the universe. To be humble NO MATTER what I accomplish for the law of gravity applies to everyone and everything. To continue to believe that my worth is NOT based on what I look like or accomplish but how I react to what I look like and accomplish while remembering that people see the world as they are not as it is and will measure my beauty and success by how they feel inside so when people belittle me, my looks, my work, or my life I resolve to turn them over to God, send them light, hug them, and wish them the ability to define life, beauty, and success themselves so the judge disappears from their being.
I resolve to continue to love myself just as I am- lengthy, passionate, stubborn, a believer in the unseen, willing to live by this quote, "In matters of style swim with the current in matters of principle stand like a rock." T. Jefferson (actually wouldn't encourage swimming with the current in matters of style because it takes your individuality) ;-) etc.- while remembering that I am a work in progress where progress not (non-existent) perfection is my goal. I resolve to not only treat others and the planet with absolute love but myself too for I see that it is when I love myself just as I am that I am able to see every challenge, coincidence (don't believe in those) ;-), and life happening on life's terms as beautiful and just what God and the universe conspired to bring into my life to help me grow into someone far more than I dreamt for myself I could be. I resolve to love my family more, be more patient with their concerns, and thank God for them. After all in one way or another without them I would definitely not be me!
I just heard in the background on the Tournament of Roses parade the host introduce captain Sculley as a cut above the rest so I resolve to remind myself and others that labels are someones perception of something and that NO ONE is a cut above the rest because we are all EQUALS and EQUALLY UNIQUE with gifts that the challenges of life allow us to see for it is in standing in the fire surrounded by the flames of fear that we find out exactly who we are and how much courage we have. Therefore I resolve that everytime the flames of fear try to consume me and knock at my door I will take deep breaths and let faith answer.
I resolve to forgive myself when I can't love myself just as I am. I resolve to forgive others more. I sit in gratitude for all I have lived, am about to live, can see and not see, all who have crossed my path and impacted my life by accepting me or not accepting me. So I resolve to BE LOVE when hate arrives, to BE COURAGE when fear pursues me, to HAVE HOPE when what I see before me tries to persuade me otherwise, and most of all I resolve to continue to trust in the wisdom of God and the universe that when I follow the signs I live the life I am meant to which means I live out my dreams and encourage others to do so all while we take care of eachother, the planet, universe, and all we can not see which is impacted by every action we take. I resolve to continue to put my words into action. I RESOLVE TO LOVE 2010 AND ITS ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION WHICH I AM READY TO BE GUIDED TOWARDS AS GOD IS MY COMPASS AND WHERE GOD LEADS I WILL GLADLY FOLLOW.
My dream for you is to imagine always that infinite possibilities are born of faith and dreams. BLESSED 2010 to you!
