That pretty much sums up October 7, 2011 for me and the twenty-one hundred days of destiny that were set aside to see it come to fruition. Almost six years meaning the time since I decided to leave Hollywood's rules of how things had to play out and branch out on my own. Many signs came yesterday of what is unfolding before my eyes including what you read above and this, "Your horoscope for October 7, 2011- Remember that there is a divine force out there in the universe that always loves you, Adriana. No matter what you do, there is always a shoulder to cry on, even if it is not a tangible one. Even in your darkest moments, you are never alone. Let this knowledge carry you through your day today, and feel free to share it with those who seem like they could use a lift." I really was in awe of both and just when I thought communication from God and the universe could not be more clear I was stopped at a light behind a car whose bumper sticker read "Everything is as it should be." One of my favorite sayings and something I have reminded myself often of these past twenty-one hundred days and certainly these past two years.
Yesterday was the day we were finally able to go live with the trailer for Bearing Fruit. A big day for me as I am so proud of what we accomplished! On a personal level it was also the day that I dealt with the attacks of my work and character based on false accusations and had to stand up for myself by providing paperwork. As my mom reminded me on the phone yesterday morning, "You've done your part the rest is in God's hands." That my friends is why I can rest assured that all will be taken care of. After I mass emailed as many friends and colleagues as my email account would allow to share our accomplishment I was spent. Between the setting up of the Kickstarter page and the making sure my certified packages with documents had arrived my body shut down on me and that is when the biggest sign of all showed up.
I turned on the tv and gave myself permission to rest. Yes I still struggle with that. As I channel surfed I came across the final sign that indeed all is as it should be and that this is a BREAKTHROUGH once again that is in my best interest. Invictus was on HBO. One of my favorite movies which includes these amazing words.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Those words are so extremely powerful and when you watch the film you can't help but be amazed of the power of the human spirit. Nine thousand days was how many days Mandela spent in prison and he is a testament to what can happen when you chose the light. A light I believe all of us carry within which allows us not to become a victim of circumstance. If anyone is an example of what it is possible to overcome it's him. I do not dare compare my journey to his but I also will not regard it as less simply as different. Both have challenges and circumstances that we have faced just like you are facing right now. The following song has stayed with me as in its lyrics lies immense hope, faith, courage and possibility. Listen.
So as I lay on the couch resting from the twenty-one hundred days that led to finally bearing the fruit of my labor I thanked God for showing me in so many ways in one day that I am indeed the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. I cried a lot because I am not used to having my character attacked to such an extent and have never had to stand up in this particular way but I knew and trusted that it is indeed all leading me somewhere. I know its happening to guide me to something better! Leading me to my purpose. I began to reminisce.
I thought of what I felt when I first began my company. Of the love I found not only in my own work but in the eyes of my then mentor. I thought of how years later we'd cross paths at his bestfriend's funeral and not speak a word to each other. I thought of how my ex boyfriend eventually loathed all he loved about me and how that led to me taking off to Austin for Valentine's instead of Santa Barbara with him as he broke up with me. I took a book with me called The Witch of Portobello and went on to portray that witch in my second production. I thought of how that led to me walking the red carpet in Rome with my favorite author. I realized how that led to me having the courage to say yes when I heard "It's time to do a feature film." How when doubt tried to befriend it made it easier to not accept its friendship thanks to all I have lived.
I also thought a lot about the last and frankly only time I spoke with my father since I was seven. I thought about his words to me, "I am so proud of you" and then I thought about what happened on set this time. As I have said before the experience of emotions my life has provided me with in the last year is something no teacher or acting school could provide. It is something I believe only the school of life could further proving I went to bear fruit right on time. At the end of the day at the end of one scene I got sentimental looking at Ruben who plays my dad. He happens to physically remind me of my father. As we took our places to commence another take my eyes began to well up. The scene called for my father to sweetly ask me if I was certain of what I was doing to which I replied I wasn't a kid and we walked our way off set laughing.
I could have never predicted what would happen on our third take. He looked me in the eyes put his arms around me and I could no longer hold it in. The tears came pouring out and unable to say my lines he held me close and tight as I wept and in the most MAGICAL of ways he held my face in his hands and uttered the words "I so am proud of you" which only made me cry more. He then picked my face up again and said "Te Quiero." It's hard to explain but even as I am typing I am balling my eyes out because I knew what was happening. My dad was there. He was telling me what he never could face to face and he chose the perfect moment to look into my eyes and say it. It makes perfect sense to me and someday I will release the raw footage.
Reminiscing about all this brought truth to the words in the song above. Except for me it's twenty-one hundred days that were set aside of destiny so I could see this day. You should see where this is leading. Wish I could tell you but it would ruin the surprise. What I do want to share is that I have amazing friends, colleagues, and family! The outpouring of support to help me keep this dream alive is astounding and that is why I am GRATEFUL the Investor went back on his word that fateful day in January the week my father passed. Thanks to his inability to be his word and proceed with the film I got you. All of you. I got to share this journey with you, get to know you and all of us together got to become a stronger community in oh so many ways. Some of you held me up after Neil and my dad's death. Some of you held me up to help me bear fruit once again when I was ready and some of you are doing it now by supporting the fruit of my labor. Words can not express my gratitude! I am grateful for my twenty-one hundred days as the boss at Adriana Garza Productions. ;-) I am grateful for the ride and most of all I am grateful that I did not let the circumstance matter. I am grateful that I believed the circumstance brought me you. With immense gratitude I present to you the fruit of OUR labor.
Any donation towards helping us bear the mother of all fruits is greatly appreciated.
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