All you need IS Love!

As I headed to an early audition this morning I had a beautiful flashback courtesy of my ipod which brought so many memories rushing back. Songs like this one play for many reasons. Most of all I am old school and part of me doesn't want to get with the times. I want to continue going to Amoeba and buying things myself. I want to take all my treasures home and download stuff myself from the cds. I know some of us still buy cds. Recycled of course, which is what Amoeba is known for. I have been blessed to have them sponsor my work. In 2009 they sponsored The Art of Being financially and generously donated all the cast gift bags thanks to the amazing Chris Carmena. So as the following song made its way into my car tears and a smile took over. They were tears of gratitude for his love and the love of many others involved with The Art of Being. (Click here to see original video.
It is AMAZING but I can't embed it.)


I keep seeing 2006 in everything from videos like "Unwritten" and "Suddenly I see" being played on VH1 to the songs my ipod selects while on shuffle and I have feeling it's to remind me that no matter what I endured and lived through the last almost six years, I have always been loved. To me love isn't about making someone what you want or getting what you want from someone. It's about accepting them as is and what they have the capacity to give. Same goes for circumstances. It's not about getting what we want, it's about accepting what is and having gratitude and love for it. It's about being able to see the blessings in the what is. As 2011 closes and 2006 reappears I can see so many things so clearly but most of all I can see that all I need IS Love!

What I take from all I have lived is not what has happened that I did not envision happening, which took me down a detoured road where heartache was temporarily my companion. What I see is all the people that crossed my path to help me down those roads. The list is endless! One thing is certain everyone came into my life when they did with LOVE. It may have been their idea of love and sometimes it wasn't unconditional but it was LOVE. If you haven't already noticed I'm cheesy and totally okay with it, so I can't help but get teary eyed when I think of all the LOVE I have been given. I used to sit in my dining area, which as the years passed actually got turned into a home office and listen to Love's Divine on repeat thinking "How I am going to pull this off?" "How am I going to survive a year starting off this way?" A year that consisted of two commercials being on hold and potentially not airing (loosing residuals/financing for play) and with a play ready to go but no financing to do it.

The answer then lied in the same place it lies right now, LOVE. Having the faith to know I am loved produces me to move forward trusting I am being taken care of and in that blind faith commences the magic of the universe. God and the universe take care of crossing my paths with love like they always have. It's astonishing to witness what happens when I put all my faith in them knowing they will show up through someone right on time. It never fails. From the simplest thing like an unexpected gift from GLAMOUR when I was hoping for it (Lovestruck perfume) to winning a car when mine had been paid off and broke down the week of, to the phone call from the therapist informing me I had been accepted weeks prior to availability for a session, as I balled my eyes out hoping praying for a miracle. Timing is everything! Ability to see love and be love is up to me.

At a brunch once my friend Josh questioned what being love was. I remember my heart longing to speak but being too shy to. I remember thinking LOVE is GOD, GOD is LOVE. I have a plaque that says that in my dressing area, in pink of course. ;-) Meaning whatever action we take that could benefit another expecting nothing in return other than the feeling you derive, is an action in love so by taking such an action we are then connected to God and therefore are being God and in touch with the unseen force. That is my humble opinion based on my experiences. Experiences which have been AMAZING. I wish I had the time to tell you in detail about Rome, the film festival and its magic!! I will share that the production company in Italy which held the competition did not provide anyone who attended the premiere of the film with anything. So if you wanted to attend its premiere in Rome you had to do so on your own. Same was for the festival itself. I remember thinking, "How can I not attend my own film's premiere?" Of course as usual LOVE showed up in the form of Bev who wanted to share the experience with me as she had lived the journey to it with me. She knew my then boyfriend and all that had happened, which led to the miracle of my film, meeting my then favorite author and finally the premiere. So she made the trip possible and we lived it up in Rome for a week.

Stories like these are endless! Love from a friend, from a stranger, from the universe I believe are ultimately GOD. That stranger that pulled over to help you with your flat tire, LOVE aka GOD. The person that kept you too long and made you late somewhere but ultimately as you saw right on time, GOD. Maybe it's just me but I see all the ways in, which GOD and LOVE show up everyday and I am in awe. I want to be the same and give in the same way I am being given! I can only pray I do. My friend Areli just found out I donated the all the proceeds of the tour of my play in 07' and questioned, All of it? You took nothing? Financially I took nothing but the rewards were endless and beyond the car. What I did felt exactly like what I needed to do. Give what I had been given. Could I have made better business decisions? To others the answer would be yes. To me it is still no. What would I have learned if I had done the opposite? The lesson came as it had to and if I was asked to do it over, I would do it all EXACTLY as I did. This is what was born of that LOVE, a behind the scenes look at TAOB. We did the curtain call to Love's Divine as a tribute to what had given me the courage to follow my heart and with the hopes of leaving the audience with one final inspiration to LOVE themselves just as they were created. My favorite man makes an appearance. You'll see what I mean in the opening shot.


So as I reflect on my miracles born of faith journeys courtesy of my ipod and VH1 all I see is evidence that all I have needed and all I have been given is LOVE. I have lived things people spend their whole lives saving up for waiting for the very famous SOMEDAY to arrive. Not one of them was rooted in money or was the intention money. It was always about LOVE and continues to be. This is hard for the people who love me the most to comprehend. Like many they share a belief that with financial stability comes happiness. A belief I don't share solely based on experience. Prior to my production company opening in 2006 I had all sorts of part time jobs, money and very little happiness. All I had was the dream of the elusive SOMEDAY. Luckily for me LOVE led me to that someday in the this lifetime. I began a journey, which has provided me with more than any amount of money ever could. I have sacrificed a lot! I do agree that following your heart may not be for everyone if you are someone who knows you will get more than this lifetime to LIVE. We can plant and wait many seasons for fruition in order to see dreams based on LOVE become reality. I am grateful I figured out how to. I am blessed to know what truly matters and to be able to respect others beliefs of what matters. Is it always easy? No. Is it what I aspire to everyday? Yes. In LOVE lies RESPECT! RESPECT for me means accepting people and situations for what they are.

I can't tell you how excited I am these days. Yes in case you are wondering I have days of doubt like I did yesterday. Then I remember that the person who unknowingly and without harm intended produced that doubt was again seeing my world through their eyes. Eyes of fear and doubt. So after talking it out with Danielle I returned to my source, LOVE. I am so grateful I know how to get back home. If we choose to see it LOVE IS ALL AROUND! It's not just some catchy line from Love Actually. To me it's the truth. All I have ever needed and all I have ever wanted has always been with me. I wish you the ability to see the world through the eyes of love. It's AMAZING and mind boggling what you will allow yourself to experience if you do. Note if you do not like to be filled with gratitude, joy, hope, happiness, excitement, awe struck emotion, courage to soldier on through life on life's terms and faith than LOVE may not be for you. ;-) However if you want to be filled with it watch this video and DREAM! Dream of a world full of love and be that love. I PROMISE YOU IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU AS YOU WILL CREATE THE ABILITY TO SEE IT IN EVERYTHING! I LOVE YOU, I CLAIM YOU, AND I THANK YOU! I AM L<3VE!

*Disclaimer feelings of joy may arise while watching this video and you may want to get up and dance. No dance partner needed. Just feel the love and express it.