Claiming my DESTINY through adversity!

There could be no more perfectly fitting words than the ones written above to mark my 35th year of existence. This has been quite the journey to say the least. While some people in my industry hide their age I shout it in gratitude for being blessed with another year to enjoy, decipher, and let go of this beautiful existence called life. Today I intend to celebrate this new beginning in the best of ways in the company of some of the most beautiful souls I have ever crossed paths with. However my story began long before I ever dreamt of tonight. Quite frankly I couldn't of come with today's birthday gift that was solely God and the universe expressing their love for me. Yet again a dream beyond my expectations to mark and celebrate this new beginning.

My story began in Brownsville, Texas in the early morning of November 29, 1976. I was born early so I was tiny. My mom tells me that I fit from her palm to her elbow and that I was all shades of purple. She held me tight and kept rubbing me trying to get my circulation going. She was in a difficult part of her life and while I was the light born of the darkness it was a trying time for her and my father who eventually parted ways. I was told he came to the hospital was displeased that it was another girl and left. I never got to ask him if that was true or not but it's besides the point because what has become very clear to me on this journey of my life is that I am God's child, intended to be here, and I AM LOVED.

There is proof of that all around me. I choose to focus on that. I choose to make today a day not unlike any other of GRATITUDE but also a day of forgiveness, compassion, love, and faith. A day that reminds me how blessed I am to be here. I have birthday wishes I have been keeping between, me and God and the universe so that when they happen I can once again say, "Wowzers I can never truly get over not only the fact that you hear me but the magic that is born of that communication." This morning I woke to a different prayer than I had envisioned and yet I know it is all part of God's plan. Last night I got a call with yet again another loss. Just when I though enough space had been cleared I was asked to let go once more of something. I cried a little with Areli, then we laughed and in the end concluded that what is arriving and entering thru this mass space I have created is extremely magical!

A magic only I can truly comprehend as this has been a journey walked solely by me in my own shoes. A journey of loss and gain, of fear and doubt ultimately giving way to the light and faith. A journey of confusion and clarity ultimately teaching me that without one the other does not exist. It's like my daily word expresses today on my birthday "I may not be able to see around each bend but I know I will be led to the right destination." So with that thought in mind I am claiming my destiny. I am stepping thru the unknown into the magic and claiming all I have worked hard for, to understand I am worthy of and most of all deserve. It's in signs like this birthday poem posted on my facebook wall by my middle school friend Kim that I find confirmation to that which my gut is telling me.

Drum sounds rise on the air,
And with them my HEART.
A voice inside the beat says,
I KNOW YOU ARE TIRED,
BUT come. This IS the way! Rumi

I told Kim I would email her about its timing and how it brought tears to my eyes. It was confirming that no matter how hard last night's call was it is THE WAY. Afterall I've met the wizard and defied gravity thanks to that encounter, which brought me the one of the biggest lessons of all, I love myself above all because as she says "If this is LOVE it comes at much too high a cost!"


I was brought down to my knees last October with the call about Neil thinking I had lived all I could take only to encounter more loss as 2011 arrived and learn as she says, "This is far from over. You haven't seen the last of me. They can say that I won't stay around but I'm gonna stand my ground. You're not gonna stop me. You don't know me you don't know who I am. Don't count me out so fast. I've been brought down to my knees. I've been pushed way past the point of breaking but I CAN TAKE IT. THERE WILL BE NO FADE OUT. THIS IS NOT THE END."


It's a new beginning where it is crucial that I continue to pay attention to the signs and follow them to my destiny. To claim what God and the universe have conjured up for me. I may need to get away for a while but trust me it won't be too long before I am back again with something so grand and so beautiful it will blow all of us away. I have a gut instinct of where my God compass is leading me in this new beginning and in the end all I have is gratitude. So for today, all my years, the magic born of them, my amazing friends, my amazing family, timing, faith, courage, strength, love, compassion, doubt, fear, the dark, the light and everything single thing from my fingers that are typing this right now to my legs that give me the ability to let go through dance I AM GRATEFUL! The list is endless and I am looking forward to another thirty-five, God willing more, years of living on this Planet I call home. I am so humbled by your love for me God. I am not sure what you are protecting me from just yet and I know I will live my way into the answer about last night's call but for today I say YOU ARE THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL and I am honored to be your child and grateful for EVERYONE you have thought me worthy of crossing paths with. This one is for you and all your creations. "You've been so kind and generous, I don't know how you keep on giving. For your kindness I am in debt to you. For your selflessness my ADMIRATION. For everything you've done you know I'm bound to thank you!"


One last thing. I wish I may I wish I might. It's in my heart being held tight. But you already know. ;-) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I AM LOVED!