Trusting the process as it leads to my NEW BEGINNING!

It's happened yet again in the most unexpected yet blessed of ways! My prayer has been answered. Once again I have to let go in the grandest of ways. There is no other way to do it when God and the universe are behind it brewing up something so grand and magical that everything you have known and life as you know it has to be let go in order to allow the new beginning to commence. Just when I thought I had "lost" everything I was shown there was one more thing I had to let go off in order to proceed through the unknown into the magic God and the universe have finally finished preparing me for. While the hit may have come at an awkward time, three days before Thanksgiving and a week before my thirty-fifth, there are way too many signs pointing to its Godly timed arrival like this one here. This is what my calendar read yesterday and precisely what I have been manifesting and blogged about recently. Love is all around and while I was asked to let go big time of my home of ten years I was being reminded as I stared on the calendar on my desk that all is as it should be.


I awoke at 4am today. Change will do that to you. This one has brought mixed feelings but is really not that unexpected. I have been wanting to move for a year now feeling an urge to go somewhere out of Los Angeles but not too far. What I dedicate my life to, indie productions, doesn't have to be based here but I did sign with a phenomenal agency this year and I know the new beginning includes them so I have to be near by. A year ago I wanted to pack what I needed, sell what I didn't and move. I was jolted by Neil's abrupt passing and I wanted to run. I wanted to hurry and do what I feared I may not get a chance to if I didn't start that minute. I slowly began to recover and stay in faith even if I struggled. I found my way back to my belief that miracles are born of faith, patience and the ability to read signs. Signs which are coming at me left and right.

I had told my mom yesterday that I needed to get to SAG and deal with some things because everything inside me was telling me to as I was going to book my callback. I have a second callback today and I'm on avail. At this point all the signs are still pointing where my gut told me. This booking will help guide me towards my new beginning. As I lay in bed this morning and cried with excitement and sadness I spoke with God and said "I need to hear its voice. Just to comfort me please. To know its with me because I feel it close." I flipped the channel and there it was comforting me. It was closer than I thought. I cried as I lay my tired body in my bed. I was in awe of God's timing as I always am and humbled by its magic.

All this change that has been taking me on quite the ride this year has been leading me somewhere beyond my expectations. I've sensed it and seen some of it already unfold but it never seizes to amaze me! I see God in it. That is how I know God exists. For every circumstance that is out of my control there are hundreds of grandiose gifts born of it but the only way for me to see those gifts is to let go and trust the process. Gifts of immense love! My life is pretty freaking magical right now I have no idea what to do. Run and tell everyone? Unlikely, I always speak cryptically. ;-) Go outside my door and start singing glory glory hallelujah. Unlikely, in my pj's and with my hair like this, bedhead, I am certain they'll think I lost it. ;-) So instead I'll do what I have always done. I'll let you see for yourself as it unfolds before your eyes too. Have a seat though because as I get ready to pack my bags, literally, and fill my suitcase of life with faith, courage, strength, hope and most of all God's guidance I am certain that my destination, unknown to you- known to my gut, is going to blow all of us away.

What I want to make clear is that if I had not had the ability to see every "loss" as necessary I would not be living my way into this fairytale ending here on Planet Earth. They're not just fantasies left to desired for someday or other lifetime. Fairtytales can be lived here if we are willing to also accept life on life's terms and balance them out. One gives way to the other. I told Bev yesterday what I have felt for a while now. I voiced that I believe my dad is giving me so much LOVE in so many forms, under God's guidance, to make up for all he couldn't do and didn't have the capacity to do. That my life is coming full circle. That bearing the cross of his loss, Neil's loss, my old agency, my latest production and now my home all in one year is because I deserve more. Neil and him excluded. That kind of loss is inexplicable and I still want Neil back on the field in the game. He was taken out too soon and somedays like yesterday I still cry uncontrollably while accepting I can't bring him back onto the playing field.

However you and I, we are here. We get one more day to LIVE! So I will. I will take the unexpected call that arrived yesterday with the signs and buy my ticket to my next destination while letting go of the need to be the train conductor. I know there will be some dark tunnels in the coming weeks but you should see that light at the end of those tunnels. I can't lie I know where I am headed. It's magical. How it will unfold only God and the universe know but I have accepted this final "loss" aka clearing of space to allow this new beginning to commence. I AM READY! To say the least. After all I have been manifesting this for thirty-five years, a thousand years, many life times, a little over two and all of the above. This can only make sense to me and maybe one other person.

As I turned the page of the daily calendar this morning I read this.


So with gratitude embodying me I head off towards destination "UNKNOWN". See you there. I'll be the one with a HUGE smile on my face. The one I wore on at my GLAMOUR award ceremony and on the red carpet in Rome. One I have come accustomed to wearing on my face after life on life's terms gives way to it. May you have the courage to know when to let go and live your way into your magical new beginning. Like me I hope you can dance your way there too! Now if I only had a drum to bang on like the one in this video. It's exactly a week before my thirty-fifth and today I raise my glass to God and the universe, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME COURAGE TO ACCEPT YOUR LOVE! IT'S TIME LET GO AND LET YOU SHOW ME WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN BREWING! I AM HUMBLED! "Everything is screaming I think it's time we let go!"

P.S. You are all invited to a Holiday packing party. Bring your holiday cheer, some tape and a willingness to dance while you pack up the past with me. ;-)